Holidays and Wanting So Much To Be A Mom....

[Angelbunny]

****Pregnancy/Baby/Child(ren) Mentioned****


So as I sit here at work on Christmas Eve and think about the holidays...it makes me wish so much that I was a mom (as I am sure you all understand). This afternoon my family and I attended Christmas Eve services and there were many children and babies at the Mass.

Today did not start off the best as I had worked last night and had lots of time to think...time to think of what could have been...in my line of work emotion is not necessarily a good thing and well I just could not stop the tears from coming...I texted my DH and could not stop the feelings of guilt and blame...I mean it's my eggs and my body so why not blame myself? It's nobody else's fault right? When my shift ended I went to my mom's house (knowing we would be attending services and DH was going to be working a double shift) and continued to cry. By the time I went to bed to grab a nap I was beyond tired and fell asleep.

Time for church services and all I can think about is the baby I wish I was carrying and/or had...could not stop thinking...seeing all of the little ones in their holiday best...the cutest ever little dresses and dress pants/shirts/shoes...and then a couple walks in with a brand new baby...and I just looked at my mom who understands me without a word....I could not stop crying halfway through services...my heart is breaking and I honestly don't know how to stop the feelings...

...I don't want to make anyone else feel bad, please understand this is not my intention, I just wanted to share how I am feeling...

...I wish you all a Happy Holiday!!!!

[BC-FibroidGirl]

What gets me are the picture cards that I get, with the children or family photos. I love to see them, but it really does hurt inside. Just started tearing up while looking at all the Christmas Eve posts on FB, with all the kiddies leaving stuff out for Santa.

[BC-CrystalAZ]

I remember well feeling EXACTLY what you are feeling.

You have no control over your eggs or body. No more than it would be "your fault" if you had a disease. So please don't blame yourself.

If you keep fighting and keep moving forward, you WILL be a Mom. I understand the pain, but never give up. Use your pain as fuel to keep fighting.

Hugs and Merry Christmas to all of you who have not yet won the battle. May 2012 be your year.

Crystal

[Angelbunny]

FibroidGirl...I get lots of them too and wish that I was sending out cards of this sort...I too was looking at Facebook and many people on my friends list had done that exact thing...posted pics of what "santa" had left...=..(
*****Child(ren) Mentioned*****

The other hard part for me is shopping...I mean I love shopping for my nieces/friends kids, but it is always so hard because I say to myself " if I had a little girl I would buy this or if I had a little boy I'd buy that"...tears always...
*****End Mention*****

CrystalAZ...I'm fighting and praying that this is my year...I have said the same thing for many years and with each year that goes by it's just hard to think I'll ever have what so many have and that many don't deserve.

Thank you ladies for being there with your words of advice and encouragement!

[Brasileira]

Hi, i'm new here. I decided I needed somewhere where other people could related to what I'm going thru. Shopping was really difficult this year. I always go with my mom to shop for my nieces. I have an older sister who has two beautiful little girls the oldest one is eight the youngest just turned one. I too find my self saying " if I had a boy I would buy him this, or if i had a girl..." The worse part is that my mom and sister can't relate to what its like to want a baby so bad and not be able to have one which is ignorantly considered to be so simple. So they always make me feel awkward. Even worse thatn that? My sister has a bad temper, so when she gets angry, the first thing she throws in my face is how I can't have a child.