Does anyone elses family think they are too old (vent)

[tinkerbabykml]

Okay I am sorry to Bi*** however I am sooo mad right now over the response from my mother in law! My DH told her today that we have a confirmed positive beta i.e (blood test for pregnancy)we had to spell it out for her!

Her first response was "I thought Kris couldnt have children, that she has a medical condition"! The next thing she states is well J** is 16 yrs old and R***is 12 and well that is an awful big difference in years! HELLO it's a different marriage! Aren't you too old she asked? I am 35 and hubby is 40! Then she had the nerve to say well how many of thousands of dollars did this treatment cost you! As if it is any of her buisness! Then she comments that her husband is out of work and they dont even have money to have their taxes done! Anyways DH told her that it was an FET again had to explain all of that out to her too! That it was less expensive than IVF and she didnt know that we had two blast frozen from our last IVF! So then she made the comment we are having a popcicle is the nursery going to be done in creamsicle colors!! The next comment she made was oh that will make 15 grandchildren for me! As if it is my problem that she has 4 children and they all have kids, one is divorced with 4 children, one is unhappily married to a woman who already had 3 children prior to their marriage and then they hand another 3, my dh has 2 from a previous marriage which I have been raising for many years, because their mother was found by the courts to be an incompetant mother and the department of child protection services removed them from her house! Oh and lets not forget my absolutly wonderful Sister in Law who just had another baby out of wedlock-- only works part time at Walmart! So that makes 2 for her! I am just sooo mad right now! My sister in law is also the type of person who puts very expensive gifts on her baby registry which I have bought for her and then she turns around and takes them back!! Those things include a travel system, a car seat for when the baby got older, hundreds of dollars in clothes, and the damm crib because she couldnt afford it! Then when she had this baby who was born healthy but 4 weeks early and needed preemie clothes who do you think went out and spent $1000.00 on baby preemie clothes I did! I didnt get a thank you card or even a phone call to say thank you!

That's it I am done! My hubby and I were planning on going back home around Christmas time with our new baby but screw them! I think a great cruise or a trip somewhere with our immediate family . I hope they dont plan on any trips here because they are not welcomed to stay with me in my house I have no room in my 4500sqft house. However they can stay at the motel 6 10 miles away! That is if the can afford that!

I am not even going to bother to send pictures the can all forget that hubby is married to me because I have removed myself from their family. Needless to say my Christmas card mailing list and shopping list just got a lot shorter! With the money I save on this I can spoil my own child!

Okay sorry for being so long but I just had to get this off my chest!

Kris

[kimberleigh68]

Hi there Kris., I am new to the forums and this site. I am not pregnant right now, however, I hope to be in the near future. I was married for 10 years, divourced now 5, I have an 8 year old boy from my marriage.. I am 37 years old (going to be 38 this Friday)., anyways I have been in a serious relationship for the last 9 months with a great guy who is 34 years old, he wants it all, to get married to me, to have a child with me everything... Do you know the one reason why I am hesitant? Clearly for the reasons you stated above, people and their opinions., I can just hear everyone now., they will comment about my age, they will comment about how I already had a failed marriage....sad that I have to think of these reasons before I think of my own happiness.
I wish you well though...

[BC-GoMom]

Oh Kris,
I am so sorry hon that you are having such a hard time. In- laws can be so difficult even when they are nice! I wish I had a dollar for every insensitive remark a family/friend/ or stranger said to me while ttc, treatments, and pg. I could have a nice vacation! Just put MIL and all into the DHAC bucket and ignore them. Enjoy your pg and do not let this anger dwell. Venting it is good- now concentrate on the happy time you and dh are having and the miracle of pg!
Post an update soon ok?
JenC

[adelaidegal]

Kris,

I'm really sorry you have to deal with that kind of crap . Sometimes, with the best intentions, we put our energy (and time and money) into people who take us for granted (at best), or abuse our generosity (at worst). It's one of life's sad little truths. Of course how you create your family is none of your MIL's business, nor is her personal financial situation your problem. Honestly, I think the "popsicle" remark is appalling. What an odd and twisted thing to say !! As JenC said, vent here, and try not to dwell on the anger. Easier said than done, I know, but I have my own family/in-law "issues" (fortunately, my pregnancy at age 43 is not one of them), so I really do empathise. BTW, you are SO SO young!! Congratulations + best wishes to you.

[lausanne]

Oh, what a nasty piece of work! I completely understand your feelings and think that you are definitely right to take a distance and live your own life rtaher than being considerate in future about that ghastly mother in law.

I don't say a word about anything to my own mother any more. She is not nasty, but insensitive (is it really all worth it - and life without children isn;t so bad - and why don't you just see if it happens naturally...)

For the moment, though, you should absolutely FORGET about her and anyone else who does not give you positive vibes! You have been through so much, that your physical and emotianal health should be imperative, so you will have a good and uneventful pregnancy!! TAKE CARE of yourself/yourselves!!!

Very best wishes!!

Me: stage IV endo, male factor too
5 fresh and 5 FET cycles, one biochemical pregnancy in last fresh cycle

[wantsababy2]

A friend of mine (38 when she became pg) had a very similar issue with her MIL. She asked, "Are you sure you're not too old for this? Babies and toddlers require a lot of energy!" My friend replied "Are you worried that I'm too old to be a mom or that you're too old to be a grandmother?"

In-laws! Forget 'em!



CONGRATULATIONS!!

[Minxy3]

Let's see... my sister's reaction was, "Does she know how much she'll have to give up for a baby?" My sister is the only one of 4 siblings who has kids so far. My niece's reaction was "What are YOU going to do with a baby?", my nephew's, "She's gone and screwed up the generations again." (My Mom's mom was 40 when she had her so our cousins our age from her side of the family are "removed" and my niece and nephew are almost old enough to start having kids of their own.) Soooo, terrified to tell my mother!!! LOL

On the other hand, friends and coworkers response? "CONGRATULATIONS!", "I'm so happy for you!" and "You're gonna be the best Mom ever!"

So who should we listen to? Perhaps the people who know us the best, and that doesn't necessarily mean family :-)

[Memmo]

They all are talking about me asking why she is going to go through this again I am 37 my kids are teenagers I always wanted lots of kids and I didnt have a chance to contuine when i was younger I have my career now and my own business and I can call the shots I have no boss to answer too so I think being older is a great idea and who cares what anyone says.
Thanks

[maryingermany]

Hi, im new to this board. I am pregnant with our 6th child and I am 35.5 years old. Our oldest son is nearly 17 years old, LOL and all is fine.. I would take what she says with a grain of salt. As long as you are happy, it is all that matters.. I get all the time, are you crazy???? (about having a 6th, when our first four are teenagers) I just smile and keep on walking..

maryellen 35 DH 35
Married for 17.5 years

[Cheryl D]

Kris,
I'm not pg.....but lurking today as I'm sick and bored and need something to do with a weary brain.....ha ha (my baby is sick too....)

I SO TOTALLY relate to your post. I have a Brooklyn,NY-Jewish MIL who thinks she can say WHATEVER, WHENEVER she wants and it drives me up the wall!!!! DH and I went thru 3 years of IF (this is my 2nd marriage too) and FINALLY had a DD and DS via IVF when I was 33 and 34 and DH was 38 and 39. Both were VERY high-risk, stressful pg's. It took me 3 years to talk DH into doing our 4th IVf.....and because of all the grief and aggrivation I KNEW we would get from his parents....we didn't even tell them until we were pg!

Oh....the comments! I was almost 38 and DH was turning 43 when we had our little miracle last year!!! (He just turned 1 this past March.) Of course now he is the "golden child" as he is the spitting image of my DH.....and we went thru h-ll to get him here...... He arrived 3 months early....while my MIL and FIL were in Mexico on vacation. Do you think they rushed home to even meet their grandson who could have VERY easily NOT made it thru the NICU????? Oh no........they stayed on their vacation for another 4 weeks while DH and I went thru living h-ll trying to deal with a 2 lb baby in the NICU and a 3 and 4-year old at home!!!! WHATEVER!!! The reality is.....your in-law's are just selfish and so are mine.

Your story sounds so familiar. DH and I are the one's in our families who ALWAYS are willing to "put our hand in our pocket" or go out of our way to help anyone in need......and the reciprocation has been almost NADA!!! (I have 5 siblings and he has 1.....and I can tell you we have "funded" and/or opened our home MANY times over the years to help family.) I was on bedrest for 3 pg's and my sister who lives 20 minutes away.....NEVER in 3 pregnancies.....came to visit or bring a meal or help me with my other kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally unpacked and put away her entire household when they moved to a new house and she was newly pg. and "too sick" to get up off the couch.....and I was going thru my 4th IVF at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My parents have been the exception.......THANK GOODNESS for them!!! Of course.....they're big-hearted TEXANS (so am I ) and they bend over backwards for their kids. (They drove 14 hours to stay with us while I was in the hospital for 2 weeks BEFORE I even had our last baby 3 months early!) They my Mom stayed for another month to help me with my toddlers. I noticed your'e from Texas. Where? I grew up near San Antonio and alot of my family is still there.

Last bit of advise......don't mention ANY baby names you are thinking of to your family. I ASSURE you.......you'll get nothing but guff!!!!! As long as you and DH are happy......just focus on that. Sorry your family can't share in your joy........
deanne-
p.s.- d-mn.....I guess I needed to vent too! sorry it this offends anyone....darn-barn, you'd think I was pg. and TOTALLY hormonal.......and no......I just got done with AF!!!!

hang in there Kris........what doesn't kill us just makes us stronger!!!! d-