Wondering how our pregnant mommies are?

[oldermama]

HI:

Just curious to check in on Adelaidegal, Janet and very soon to be Mommy Chanteause. Just wondering how you all are doing and how you are feeling.

Barbara

[adelaidegal]

Hi Barbara,

thanks for thinking of me. Only good news from the first ultrasound - they detected a heartbeat, and according to the dr, this reduces my risk of miscarriage to just 5%. Emotionally, things are not so positive. I've spent a lot of time alone in recent years (it tends to happen when you are living o/s), and I was perfectly fine with that situation, but now I am pregnant I suddenly don't like to be alone. At the same time, I don't particularly feel like being with people, as I feel kind of lousy.

Also, I have a difficult situation in that one of my closest friends is moving back home (to Australia) in a month or so, and another has become so consumed with her Mary Kay business, she never seems to have time for me anymore. I haven't seen her since November, because every time I've tried to arrange getting together she either couldn't make it, didn't bother to respond, or ended up cancelling. I haven't even told her I am pregnant (and this is BIG news after almost 5 years ttc). I certainly don't feel up to making new friends right now, so it's a hard time to feel like my friendships are unravelling. Just unfortunate timing I guess.

Also, I can't seem to focus on the things which used to interest me. I don't want to be thinking about the pregnancy all the time, but can't seem to help it. I'm having some bouts of depression, and also physical symptoms. I don't really feel like eating, but find I have to eat far more often than I used to. If I'm not feeling nauseous, I'm getting heartburn, and if I don't have heartburn, I've got severe bloating. LOL. I shouldn't complain. My symptoms aren't so bad, but I sometimes get tired of feeling crappy. Oh, I'm also desperately craving sunshine and warmth (I'm living in MA, so not getting much of either), and feeling more homesick than I ever imagined possible.

Anyway, thanks for taking an interest. I really appreciate it. Let us know how you are doing. Cheers.

[oldermama]

Hi Adelaidegal:

That's great news about your scan!! How many weeks are you now?

I think just being pregnant makes you homesick and missing what you had when you were younger - plus the fact you are so far away from home would make it worse. (sorry for that for you - that must be tough).

All the other signs are good signs of a healthy pregnancy - nausea/heartburn but no fun.

It's tough without someone to share it with (friends/family) just to share how you are feeling and things.

I felt much of the same depression/feeling not myself during the first trimester and was hoping that would ease up after. But mine lasted until almost the 19th week. Then I am telling you it was like someone turned on the sunshine inside - I was almost euphoric - it was really amazing - I was happy and felt like a big weight was gone. To be truthful I had an anxiety bout as I felt so good I thought I must not be pregnant any longer. Truly it was like everything I had felt up to then was gone. But I had my scan last week (20 wk) and everything was fine. The tech told me she was a well behaved baby and didn't give her any trouble. Showed me all the vital organs and brain/feet/legs/arms/legs etc. My son jumped all over the place during scans. Anyway, everything is fine so far.

Anyway, I am sorry you are feeling out of sorts - as I said I felt much the same way and now feel so much better so hopefully this will pass for you too. It's a lot of changes/horomones for our bodies to deal with -can't help affecting us plus being far from home doesn't help. Hang in there - spring is on the way.

Keep in touch. Thinking of you and little bean.

Barbara

[BC-GoMom]

Keep those updates coming ladies!
JenC

[adelaidegal]

Hi Barbara,

thanks for your reassuring response. It's great that you are feeling so good now, and I'm so pleased to hear all is well with your little one. I can understand your anxiety at suddenly feeling so different, I'm sure I would feel the same. But how wonderful to feel so good!! I love your imagery - "it was like someone turned on the sunshine inside". I could really do with some of that .

I am just entering my 9th week. I seem to eat all the time, as it's the best way I've found to manage the nausea. I used to really enjoy eating, but there are so many things I can't stomach now, and I struggle to think of things I actually feel like eating, so it's not much fun. I really hope it's not like this for the entire pregnancy.

A number of people have told me I will feel better in time, and while I know it doesn't work that way for everyone it does for most, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Some people tell me to "enjoy" this time, but the way I'm feeling I can't help but wish I could hibernate (like a big old grizzly bear ), and wake up closer to the due date.

It is tough to be so far from home, and also hard because it is such an incredibly long way, I don't think I could make the trip back now even if the opportunity came up. It's such a gruelling trip (about 23 hours of air time; 3 connections), uncomfortable, and so physically exhausting (not to mention the jet lag at the the other end), I would be very nervous to attempt it while pregnant. Plus, considering my ob/gyn frowned at the mention of a trip to Montreal (4 hours by car), I rather doubt he would be keen!! My friend is moving back (permanently) in just over a week, which really is very sad for me. She is one of the most caring and supportive friends I have here, so it's hard to see her go.

I am SO desperate for Spring. It really can't come soon enough for me. Also, all my clothes are feeling uncomfortable, but I'm having trouble finding replacements. One thing which makes me crazy is everywhere I look the maternity jeans/pants are "low rise". Tell me, am I the only woman in America who can't stand wearing "low rise" jeans?? Maybe I'm just showing my age, but I found them madly uncomfortable (also not flattering) before I was pregnant. I can't imagine how they could be comfortable on a pregnant belly .

Thanks for your interest. I will keep in touch. It helps to be able to talk about these things. I talk a little to friends, but not much. My poor husband gets the worst of it!! Not sure if I mentioned this before, but because it took me so long to get pregnant (and also because my mother died), there has been a lot of emotional turmoil in my life in the past couple of years. I stopped sharing my true feelings with a lot of friends, because I found it more painful when they didn't understand, or said something dismissive or insensitive (like, "why don't you just adopt?").

I even joined an infertility support group last year, but never found it very supportive, as I was the only member who wasn't aggressively pursuing medical treatment. It seemed I was the only one who wanted to talk about the emotional impact. I believe the longest anyone else had been ttc was about 2 years, and many of the women had barely been trying for 12 months, so after 4 years ttc I think I was in a very different place, which heightened my feelings of not being understood. Also, in a group setting there are always cultural differences, which only exacerbate these feelings.

Anyway, I am rambling, so I will stop now. Thanks for listening. Stay happy .

[oldermama]

Hi Adelaidegal:

So good to hear from you. I think things will get better in time (mind you mine wasn't til about 20 weeks so don't know if that helps you or not Most people I know and most of our patients (used to work in a medical clinic) who had nausea did find it stopped into the second trimester so keeping my fingers crossed for you! Eating lots of small meals does help so you are doing the right thing. It's just tough. Hibernation at least until that is over would be nice.

I am truly sorry your friend is leaving especially one that is a 'true friend' - they- I find - are so few and far between. You never mentioned your mom passing - that must have been so very hard - was she in Australia? Then trying to concieve on top of everything - it's a lot of stress along with a lot of saddness. When I lost the last pregnancy (almost 3 years ago now) people were not supportive and didn't get it. I found it really traumatic and I delivered the baby okay I know it is actually a fetus but it came out intact/complete in the sac and everything. So it was pretty hard for me. It took me a long while to get over the depression of that. Then people would say -Oh, miscarriage is very common - well at your age, etc. It's not quite the same but it's like they didn't really understand or didn't want to hear me feel bad or talk about it. Then they would complain about something so mundane or minor and I felt like punching them.

I had to take the bus for 5 hours down to get my amnio and it was pretty uncomfortable. But a car ride might be different but I know even going down to my in-laws which is only 45 minutes on the hiway - I have trouble (just back ache - kinda can't get feeling comfortable). Dr. might not want you so far from home either. A plane trip I think would be too much for you right now so that must make homesickness worse - knowing you can't get there.

As for jeans - I hear you - low rise is not too comfortable without a belly. Have you tried E-bay? They have lots of people selling 'new' maternity stuff. I live in a very small town so not much selection here and I ordered a few new tops/pants off e-bay and they are new and quite okay. I know they have the jeans you are looking for. Just punch in 'maternity jeans new ' Lots of selection/brands/sizes. Only trouble is if they don't fit it's a drag - I bought a few things too early and figured I would be HUGE (was feeling super fat at the time) now am stuck with them ( my bust just will never get that big

Anyway, I am glad to hear things are going along and I wishing you loads of good things and an early spring!

Talk soon.

Barbara