nervous....please help

hanagirl · 02-05-2006, 09:33 AM

hi everybody. I really enjoy this board. I haven't posted here before, so bear with me!
I had my 1st OB app't 2/3/06. Everything went great, ultrasound was reassuring to see that little bugger squirming all over the place. Due date is 8/14/06, which puts me at about 13 weeks. Now here's my dilemma: I'm 37, hubby is 41. This is my 4th pregnancy, 4th child. Children are 13, 4, and 2. All healthy, no problems. OB offered the amnio. (solely on the basis of my age). I am dead-nervous about this. Scared about pain, mistakes, unfortunate results. I know how common this procedure is, etc. Plus I'm a RN, for crying out loud but I'm terrified of saying yes to this procedure. Doc says we have a few weeks to decide, then schedule it (if we desire). Hubby says 'yes, we're doing it', no discussion needed. I get mad because it's not him on the table, it's me. I know this is a popular topic and has been discussed many times, but would greatly appreciate any advice at all. thanks in advance...-K

SammysMom · 02-05-2006, 11:43 AM

Did you get the AFP or nuchal fold tests done? They're not invasive as the amnio and can help in your decision. I think age 37 also isn't so old to worry. If you were 40 it would be different, but then I have freinds who had babies after 40 that were healthy and never took the amnio. I used DE so I didn't have to face your decision. Good luck!

hanagirl · 02-05-2006, 01:02 PM

thanks for posting back....I had bloodwork done at that 1st visit. The standard tests. Am unsure if they included the AFP or not. No nuchal fold test done as of yet...doesn't that come later? I do agree with you that 37 isn't that ancient, so maybe I'm trying to bargain myself out of doing the amnio. Lots to consider, that's for sure. Again, I really appreciate your input and well-wishes. -K

Tonia · 02-06-2006, 05:28 AM

Hi -

I am 36 and 26w pg with my first. I declined the amnio test, but did do the Level 2 ultrasound. If that had shown any strong markers, I would have reconsidered; however, the doctor who reviewed said there was nothing to cause him any concern and have a happy pregnancy. That was HUGE relief to say the least!

Good luck with your decision!

Tonia

Purple Martini · 02-06-2006, 08:09 AM

Well, being 41 I'm clearly ancient but it's still the same issue !

There is no reason in my opinion to do an amnio based soley on age alone. My OB was very firm about this and said that people get very hung up on thinking that just because a woman is >35 that all of a sudden there is a high risk of an abnormality. There isn't !! Even at my grand old age of 41 (and this is my first pg, took 5 yrs to get here !) my risk based soley on age was 1:85, this means that there was a 98.8 % chance that all was absolutley fine !! I have a great OB who says that the advances in non-invasive testing (although only a screen) have come a long way over the last 5 yrs and fewer and fewer women are opting for invasive testing.

The Nuchal (NT) is done between 11-13 wks (you may be too late) and you can combine the NT results with the blood results (AFP or integrated screen) and the Level II u/s (usually 18-20 wks) and decide if there is any reason to suggest that an amnio is necessary.

My NT was great, my bloodwork while not great (due to age and high false +ve rates) was still OK (reduced the risk so that we had a 99 % chance that all was OK) but the Level II showed a mild marker for DS. THIS is what made us do the amnio ..... of course all was completely fine and our son is perfectly healthy. Also, this Level II didn't change that 99 % chance that all was going to be OK as it was a mild marker only.

I would ask about non-invasive tests first. Then you can decide if an amnio is warrented. perhaps your DH simply needs the know that the chance that all is OK is way higher than the chance for something being wrong.

If you do decide on the amnio it really is OK. It's just scary as there is a risk associated with it, albeit a low one.

Lots of luck
Teresa

oldermama · 02-06-2006, 12:46 PM

Hi Hanagirl:

37 really isn't that old. It's too bad you don't have the nuchal scan there. I wish we had it up here as it would have helped make my decision. Some places don't do the triple screen tests until 15 weeks either.

I DID opt for the amnio but I am a lot older than you (43 -44 when baby is born) My chances for DS were classed as 1/38 (we don't have early tests to help decrease these) so I went with the amnio. Originally thought of CVS but it had a much higher risk of miscarriage than amnio (at our hospital).

The decision is totally up to you and hubby. I am sure everything is okay especially as you are still young. Also you have to decide what you would do if in fact the test came back positive for something. In our case as I said dh and I already have a child with autism (more on the severe end) so we had choosen ahead of time that we would not proceed with the pregnancy as we know the challenges and it is not something I was prepared to undertake (high risk for autism to be thrown in there along with a chromosomal problem so would be quite hard on a child). But if you feel that it doesn't matter then that makes it different to not have it done.

For me because of my age/risk factor I just could not continue the whole pregnancy wondering and worrying. I had the amnio done. While it was uncomfortable (the actual thought of having it done was worse) - there was mild cramping afterward and I rested for 2 days instead of the required 1. But the baby and I are just fine. We got the results and the little one is okay for a chromosome or neural problems (we won't know about autism until after of course but we are trying to stay positive). Now a days amnios are pretty well quite safe and some of the miscarriages that are in the 'risk group' are ones that may have been anyway (as 2 trimester miscarriages are quite high in the 'older age group - so I was told).

Regardless of what you decide just make sure you and dh are in it together as that is important. My dh was very supportive and when I was worrying about miscarriage he would reassure me and tell me this is what we decided etc.

Some people were horrified and made it seem like I was a bad person to want to have the test done as if because they didn't do it they were somehow better. But I ignored them as I live with the reality of a child were special needs and they don't so I would just take their negative comments and smile and say uh, uh.

Sorry this is so long winded. But truth is it's a tough decision - just make sure you can live with whatever you decide to do. Good luck

Oh, congratulations also!

Barbara

hanagirl · 02-06-2006, 02:32 PM

thank you, thank you, thank you! you all are a great help! I have (and DH) decided to decline the amnio. Also much appreciated are the "young" compliments! I will go ahead and relax for this fourth pregnancy and keep in mind that the odds are in my favor. Guess one cannot dwell on things that are beyond one's control. Your stories are so interesting and personal and honest. That's refreshing for me to hear. I wish you all the best. This board is priceless, I check the posts every day. thanks again, all. Warm regards, -K

**BC-GoMom** · 02-06-2006, 06:43 PM

Hi Young Chick!
Welcome to the board! Glad to hread you and dh are on the same page. That makes things much easier. I look forward to more posts. How about a little about your other children.... do you want a boy or girl... ???
JenC (getting closer to 42 every day)

hanagirl · 02-07-2006, 12:08 PM

Hi JENC! Back at cha, "young Chick"!
I really do have it made with my 3 children: 13 yo son (8th grader), 4 yo daughter, and 2 yo son . I have a wide variety of activities with these kids as you can imagine considering the gaps in age. I am secretly (well, I guess not much of a secret after writing this...) hoping for a girl this time to even out the hormonal balance in our household. My 4yo daughter is soooo excited. She said that the baby is definitely going to be her 'little sister' and she's going to name her "Rose". where that came from, I have no idea. I will have to take her along to the big 20 week ultrasound when that rolls around.
We haven't told any family about this pregnancy yet. They all assume we are done having kids and have even joked about it. (meaning my DH better get "fixed" before we have an 'accident'). That's a big reason we haven't told anyone because I don't like people (especially family members) knowing our personal info. Won't they be shocked. My husband had the big "V" about a month ago. Now for sure there won't be any more surprises for us, but we are pumped about this baby coming this summer. There will be lots of "helping hands" around this house. I'm looking forward to getting to know members of this board especially. you've all been so nice and welcoming. -K

02-05-2006, 09:33 AM	#1 (permalink)
hanagirl Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: south dakota Posts: 145	nervous....please help hi everybody. I really enjoy this board. I haven't posted here before, so bear with me! I had my 1st OB app't 2/3/06. Everything went great, ultrasound was reassuring to see that little bugger squirming all over the place. Due date is 8/14/06, which puts me at about 13 weeks. Now here's my dilemma: I'm 37, hubby is 41. This is my 4th pregnancy, 4th child. Children are 13, 4, and 2. All healthy, no problems. OB offered the amnio. (solely on the basis of my age). I am dead-nervous about this. Scared about pain, mistakes, unfortunate results. I know how common this procedure is, etc. Plus I'm a RN, for crying out loud but I'm terrified of saying yes to this procedure. Doc says we have a few weeks to decide, then schedule it (if we desire). Hubby says 'yes, we're doing it', no discussion needed. I get mad because it's not him on the table, it's me. I know this is a popular topic and has been discussed many times, but would greatly appreciate any advice at all. thanks in advance...-K

02-06-2006, 08:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
Purple Martini 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: May 2005 Location: England (living in US) Posts: 1,672	Well, being 41 I'm clearly ancient but it's still the same issue ! There is no reason in my opinion to do an amnio based soley on age alone. My OB was very firm about this and said that people get very hung up on thinking that just because a woman is >35 that all of a sudden there is a high risk of an abnormality. There isn't !! Even at my grand old age of 41 (and this is my first pg, took 5 yrs to get here !) my risk based soley on age was 1:85, this means that there was a 98.8 % chance that all was absolutley fine !! I have a great OB who says that the advances in non-invasive testing (although only a screen) have come a long way over the last 5 yrs and fewer and fewer women are opting for invasive testing. The Nuchal (NT) is done between 11-13 wks (you may be too late) and you can combine the NT results with the blood results (AFP or integrated screen) and the Level II u/s (usually 18-20 wks) and decide if there is any reason to suggest that an amnio is necessary. My NT was great, my bloodwork while not great (due to age and high false +ve rates) was still OK (reduced the risk so that we had a 99 % chance that all was OK) but the Level II showed a mild marker for DS. THIS is what made us do the amnio ..... of course all was completely fine and our son is perfectly healthy. Also, this Level II didn't change that 99 % chance that all was going to be OK as it was a mild marker only. I would ask about non-invasive tests first. Then you can decide if an amnio is warrented. perhaps your DH simply needs the know that the chance that all is OK is way higher than the chance for something being wrong. If you do decide on the amnio it really is OK. It's just scary as there is a risk associated with it, albeit a low one. Lots of luck Teresa __________________ TTC #1 for 5-yrs Dx: high fsh, immune issues, cervical issues, LP defect, not forgetting male factor Finally lucky with IVF #3 DS born on June 18th 2006 (at age 41) TTC #2

02-06-2006, 06:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
BC-GoMom BC:Preg+35/Gaming/Webkinz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Down South Posts: 4,866	Hi Young Chick! Welcome to the board! Glad to hread you and dh are on the same page. That makes things much easier. I look forward to more posts. How about a little about your other children.... do you want a boy or girl... ??? JenC (getting closer to 42 every day) __________________ Mom of 6: DS - 10 yrs (IVF) DD - 8.5 yrs (IVF) DD - 7 yrs (Natural Surprise) DD/DS twins b/d 12/9/97 @22.5wks IC/PROM/GBS DS- 18.8 years -died Easter Sunday 2005 multiple disabilities since birth Mommy loves you all!

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02-05-2006, 11:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
SammysMom Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 958	Did you get the AFP or nuchal fold tests done? They're not invasive as the amnio and can help in your decision. I think age 37 also isn't so old to worry. If you were 40 it would be different, but then I have freinds who had babies after 40 that were healthy and never took the amnio. I used DE so I didn't have to face your decision. Good luck!

02-05-2006, 01:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
hanagirl Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: south dakota Posts: 145	thanks for posting back....I had bloodwork done at that 1st visit. The standard tests. Am unsure if they included the AFP or not. No nuchal fold test done as of yet...doesn't that come later? I do agree with you that 37 isn't that ancient, so maybe I'm trying to bargain myself out of doing the amnio. Lots to consider, that's for sure. Again, I really appreciate your input and well-wishes. -K

02-06-2006, 05:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
Tonia Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 80	Hi - I am 36 and 26w pg with my first. I declined the amnio test, but did do the Level 2 ultrasound. If that had shown any strong markers, I would have reconsidered; however, the doctor who reviewed said there was nothing to cause him any concern and have a happy pregnancy. That was HUGE relief to say the least! Good luck with your decision! Tonia

02-06-2006, 12:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
oldermama Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,375	Hi Hanagirl: 37 really isn't that old. It's too bad you don't have the nuchal scan there. I wish we had it up here as it would have helped make my decision. Some places don't do the triple screen tests until 15 weeks either. I DID opt for the amnio but I am a lot older than you (43 -44 when baby is born) My chances for DS were classed as 1/38 (we don't have early tests to help decrease these) so I went with the amnio. Originally thought of CVS but it had a much higher risk of miscarriage than amnio (at our hospital). The decision is totally up to you and hubby. I am sure everything is okay especially as you are still young. Also you have to decide what you would do if in fact the test came back positive for something. In our case as I said dh and I already have a child with autism (more on the severe end) so we had choosen ahead of time that we would not proceed with the pregnancy as we know the challenges and it is not something I was prepared to undertake (high risk for autism to be thrown in there along with a chromosomal problem so would be quite hard on a child). But if you feel that it doesn't matter then that makes it different to not have it done. For me because of my age/risk factor I just could not continue the whole pregnancy wondering and worrying. I had the amnio done. While it was uncomfortable (the actual thought of having it done was worse) - there was mild cramping afterward and I rested for 2 days instead of the required 1. But the baby and I are just fine. We got the results and the little one is okay for a chromosome or neural problems (we won't know about autism until after of course but we are trying to stay positive). Now a days amnios are pretty well quite safe and some of the miscarriages that are in the 'risk group' are ones that may have been anyway (as 2 trimester miscarriages are quite high in the 'older age group - so I was told). Regardless of what you decide just make sure you and dh are in it together as that is important. My dh was very supportive and when I was worrying about miscarriage he would reassure me and tell me this is what we decided etc. Some people were horrified and made it seem like I was a bad person to want to have the test done as if because they didn't do it they were somehow better. But I ignored them as I live with the reality of a child were special needs and they don't so I would just take their negative comments and smile and say uh, uh. Sorry this is so long winded. But truth is it's a tough decision - just make sure you can live with whatever you decide to do. Good luck Oh, congratulations also! Barbara

02-06-2006, 02:32 PM	#7 (permalink)
hanagirl Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: south dakota Posts: 145	thank you, thank you, thank you! you all are a great help! I have (and DH) decided to decline the amnio. Also much appreciated are the "young" compliments! I will go ahead and relax for this fourth pregnancy and keep in mind that the odds are in my favor. Guess one cannot dwell on things that are beyond one's control. Your stories are so interesting and personal and honest. That's refreshing for me to hear. I wish you all the best. This board is priceless, I check the posts every day. thanks again, all. Warm regards, -K

02-07-2006, 12:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
hanagirl Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: south dakota Posts: 145	Hi JENC! Back at cha, "young Chick"! I really do have it made with my 3 children: 13 yo son (8th grader), 4 yo daughter, and 2 yo son . I have a wide variety of activities with these kids as you can imagine considering the gaps in age. I am secretly (well, I guess not much of a secret after writing this...) hoping for a girl this time to even out the hormonal balance in our household. My 4yo daughter is soooo excited. She said that the baby is definitely going to be her 'little sister' and she's going to name her "Rose". where that came from, I have no idea. I will have to take her along to the big 20 week ultrasound when that rolls around. We haven't told any family about this pregnancy yet. They all assume we are done having kids and have even joked about it. (meaning my DH better get "fixed" before we have an 'accident'). That's a big reason we haven't told anyone because I don't like people (especially family members) knowing our personal info. Won't they be shocked. My husband had the big "V" about a month ago. Now for sure there won't be any more surprises for us, but we are pumped about this baby coming this summer. There will be lots of "helping hands" around this house. I'm looking forward to getting to know members of this board especially. you've all been so nice and welcoming. -K