Long Whine

[fluffybunny]

We've been paper ready to adopt a child with IAC for almost a year now. I remember this time last year how frustrated I was at having to work on the birthmom letter over and over again until the agency approved it, what a pain getting all the paperwork finished was, having the social worker come to our house and question us and check us out, worrying about being able to afford adoption, etc. I hated the agency having to know every little thing about us and I almost felt like I was being punished for being infertile or for wanting another child. Of course that's what it takes so you just suck it up and move on with things. Then it felt great when everything was done and we were in the wait.
We've been waiting for about a year now for an open domestic adoption and we've not had the slightest interest in our family by a birthmom. It seems like DH and I have had to put up all this money and energy and effort and hope and get nothing positive back in return. Still, I knew adopting would take us a while so again I just suck it up and try to be positive. Right now I'm updating our letter and website which gives me the illusion of having some control .
This morning I got a phone call from the social worker telling me she needs to come out in Oct to do another home study since it's been a year. I forgot all about having to do that and the phone call just ruined my day. I feel like they've asked us enough questions and intruded into our space enough already. I know that's a bad attitude to have but I can't help feeling that way. Where is the pay off for all of this? People always think about adoption as an infertile couple's sure thing but it isn't. We could very well not ever be chosen. Seems like every month I'm making meals for a friend who just had a baby and wonder if I will ever have the chance to have the favor returned.
OK there is my whine. Hopefully you guys don't mind hearing yet another negative post about our non adoption progress. I'm just having a sad day.

[BC-turtleMax]

I remember well when we hit a year We didn't have even one birthmom look at our profile in that whole year. It sucks!!!! But you know our story and it's sooooo worth it in the end. Your baby is out there, I promise you that

[frdzgrl]

Libby--so great to "see" you


Deb: I'm sorry that you're having to jump through all these hoops. I can't even begin to imagine your level of frustration. I was wondering how things were going. I do believe that you will get a child, and I hope it's soon Many prayers and hugs being sent your way. We're hear for you to vent

[Kristip]

Vent away and big hugs to you guys. I cant even imagine.

[Paula_in_DE]

What you are going through is the exact reason why we ended up doing IVF one last time before doing adoption. It's also why we were going to do international adoption and not domestic. So many people wonder why so many families are adopting overseas and this is typically why. Typically if you do steps A-Z in an internationally adoption process at the end you will have a child. It's not so much a wait and see process. Personally I never did like the profiles and having the birth mom's picking, but that's me. Also, I'm with you on the feeling emotionally punished for being infertile. We all know why they do it, but you don't need a license to get knocked up, but if you can't get pregnant then you need all these checks to adopt. It's not fair.

((hugs))

[Minnie2]

this brought tears to my eyes. I agree the baby ment for you with come in good time. I just know it will happen and you wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I REALLY wish I could give you those in real life !!

[wishing & hopin]

Deb I can't imagine the rollercoaster it is - even more so than IVF in some ways at least you aren't waiting for someone to "pick you". Hang in there, try to enjoy Ben and kind of forget about the adoption thing and maybe it will find you when you least expect it.

[BC-sheandg]

I'm sorry Deb that you guys are still riding the ugly roller coaster. I hope your wait is short and that you'll be holding your second child real soon.

infertility really drains so much out of us. I was just cleaning out presley's closet and came across the t-shirt I bought that said I'm the big sister before I found out my last pg was ectopic. It was like a stab in the gut to see it again. I threw it in the bag for the garage sale ......

[fluffybunny]

Oh Sheila...ouch. That def was a bad moment. Yes IF is so draining.

Thanks everyone for tolerating my whine and giving me support. Most of the time I am OK with it all but I still have days every now and then where I feel like crap. It's not even really about the fact that we're still waiting, but more about the fact that this is not a sure thing. Sometimes I think I should just let the idea of having a second child go and move on and wonder if that would be better. I just have this idea about what I want for me and my family and I see two kids for us. Time will tell.

[solo]

oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.