Where in the world is this rollercoaster going????

[lleva99]

So, I'm excited and confused. We found out that Emma's bmom is pregnant and in the same week matched with a pbmom through our agency. Then we found out that "B", Emma's bmom, is planning on raising this baby even thought she's in jail again and bdad just got out of jail. And not too long after that we ended our match at the agency, well, she just wasn't returning calls or e-mails, so we felt we were wasting time that we could be having our profiles shown.

Now, a few days ago, "B" writes and says that there's definately a possibility that she wants us to parent this baby, not guaranteed but she's seeing the reality of the situation and bdad isn't turning out to be as great as she thought he was. So, we still haven't been able to talk in person, so I don't know where her head is as far as this baby. Then the agency calls today and has a bmom that picked our profile and wants to talk tonight. Great!

Excited and confused all at the same time. What if we accept this match and then "B" asks us to parent the baby she's carrying? It would be really hard for me to turn down the request. I know her so well, I know her situation and know that other than the foster care system or another adoptive family she wouldn't have anywhere else to turn. I know she would only place if it were with us and also it would be a bio sibling to Emma. Too many things to think about and so confusing!

What would you do? Am I being selfish talking to this bmom tonight knowing that deep down if "B" asked us to parent I'd rather adopt from her again? Then again if we turn this match down and "B" decides to parent then we might have missed out on our baby? Too many ?????? What do you think?

[lleva99]

We did go ahead and put our file on hold for now. After I read your post and Robinj's over on the domestic adoption board I talked to Scott. We both said that if given the chance, we'd rather adopt B's baby and give the kids that bio connection. And, like you said, we can get right back in as soon as we want.

I talked to the girls at the agency and they didn't want to tell us what they thought we should do but agreed that if that bio connection was important to us that we should probably go on-hold until we know what B is going to do. They were really excited for us at the possibility though. I just know that I want to be 100% invested in whatever situation we are matched with and not having all of these "what ifs". I must say that they were wonderful at the agency and talked me through everything, all the laws of the state she's in. We talked about having "B" go through Angel to complete the adoption but new laws go into effect as of July 1st that only allow adoption attorneys to handle adoptions in Indiana.

B's due at the end of September so it will be about 4 months if we wait until the baby is born, which isn't what I want to do but is probably the smartest. We are going to visit at the end of the month per her request, the last letter she wrote she sounded like she was very much in the adoption mindset. She wanted us to visit ASAP but her visiting list at the jail didn't go into effect until today and you can only visit Th-Sun and it doesn't work out with my schedule until the 26th.

So, we'll see where her head is in all of this. I'd like to say that if she's still leaning towards parenting that we'll just move on but I'll still be in the same place. What if she has the baby and then decides she can't do it and wants us to take the baby. Very likely, of course, I'd rather know now one way or the other. I guess there really is no knowing one way or the other until papers are signed. I'm just ready to know what she's thinking so that we can have an idea of what's going on.

Well, I'll definately keep you updated on what's going on after the visit at the end of the month. Thanks again, it really did help us in making our decision! I am so grateful for this board and all of you wonderful ladies!

[Gift0802]

Hey there, just checking in on you and wow, what a up and down ride you are on. I think you made a good decision to go on hold till you talk to B and she what she is thinking. Your baby will find you no matter what route you take, I just know it. Best wishes with your meeting at the end of the month. I hope you get some answers that will help guide you in the right direction. Hang in there!
Take care!
Katie

P.S. We have been matched and will transfer in early July it looks like! Can't wait for this one last shot!

[ssh]

Wow, you are on a roller coaster! I know it must be hard putting yourself on hold with the agency, but you will hopefully get a better feel after seeing bmom in a few weeks. It sounds like it could be an ideal situation and she knows how much you love your little girl. Let us know how it goes!

[lleva99]

Thank you girls for your words of encouragement. I still can't believe that I went ahead and put us on hold. I keep thinking, what if they have a perfect bmom and we miss it because we're waiting on B and then she ends up deciding to parent. I guess I just really need to buckle down and have faith, God knows what's best and it will all work out.

Wow, Katie that's great about the match, I will keep you in my prayers. Definately keep me updated when you get a more sure date. I've tried e-mailing you a few times and I keep getting fail messages. Maybe you can pm me and give it to me again. I may have typed it in wrong.

Susan, I will definately keep you all updated. I'm anxiously awaiting a letter anyday now. I sent her a letter a couple of weeks ago and then a mothers day card and an easter picture of Emma last Friday. So, anyday now I should hear something. I'll probably try and reach her mil tonight and see if she's answered any phone calls. (We don't have a land line that she can call, it got WAY too expensive, she doesn't have anything better to do in there!)

Thanks again for your support, I don't know what I'd do without you all!

[RedbirdJ]

Thank you girls for your words of encouragement. I still can't believe that I went ahead and put us on hold. I keep thinking, what if they have a perfect bmom and we miss it because we're waiting on B and then she ends up deciding to parent. I guess I just really need to buckle down and have faith, God knows what's best and it will all work out.

Yup, I know just what you mean, and that's the most difficult part, isn't it? Another way to think about it is that if you stay on hold and she goes ahead and parents....that might mean that it sets you up for perfect timing at that point to match with the perfect bmom (and perfect child, of course!) who you otherwise might not have matched with, ha. All I know is that when your child comes to you it seems like the rest of it was "meant" to happen and that the timing was just right, lol, but it's the craziness that happens before we know how/when our child is going to get here that drives us all batty, eh?

And, maybe, in a way, waiting on BJ is like trying that last IVF or IF treatment that you have to know the answer to so you won't say "what if?" later...OTOH--if things don't look good with BJ along the way, you can always have them send your profile out again, either way I think you guys will have another stocking up for Christmas this year