I hate plants....

[TriciaJ]

OK, this may seem stupid but I figure if anyone understands, it will be the ladies on this board.

Ryan & Joshua will have been gone for 3 years this June. That is so hard to believe. I received many many many plants when they passed away. I've worked so hard on keeping the plants alive. So insanely hard, but it seems I'm not doing such a great job of it lately. I have a huge amount of guilt as I look at these wilting awful plants. I know 3 years seems like I long time to hold onto plants when I know LOGICALLY that they don't have anything to do with their memory or the love we have for them.

IMO, giving house plants to the grieving is cruel.

[herbie1]

s Tricia, you sound like me today! i was talking to my Grandma on the phone, doing my plant thing, and noticed I had a nasty case of spider mites on some plants that I had received, one from my best friend that was in a planter basket, and one from Alex, Herbie, and Adam for Mother's day last year. I was so mad, started cursing up a storm (before I realized whoops, still have Grandma on the other line....) I would personally rather get plants than flowers b/c they do last (unless my black thumb takes over...) anyway, I feel your pain...

[Berni]

I hear ya..........its always been one of my concerns........I love the *idea* of planting trees/giving plants/rose bushes in memory of a loved one, but..........but.........OMG........yes, what if........

Some friends of ours planted a tree in memory of Liam and it is beautiful and thriving, but I still fret that it will die.......

I think maybe we need to make a mantra out of "they don't have anything to do with their memory or the love we have for them". (((Tricia)))

[MamaMaggie]

I am horrible at keeping plants alive and was afraid to receive houseplants after Annabelle died. We requested that those that wanted to give something give to the charity that we selected. That might have been tacky to do but I was afraid of getting plants and killing them too. Like I had killed my baby(in my mind at the time).

Its like you couldn't keep your babies alive so at least you should be able to keep some plants alive! You shouldn't feel that way but I think it is normal. Do you have any parents/inlaws with a green thumb that would want to take over the care? I know if I had received plants at the funeral my mil would have gladly kept them alive for me.

[SueZ]

omg, i never thought of it that way, but you are so right about the plants!!! I would do everything I could to keep them alive and if they died, I would feel devastated. So true. I remember I received flowers after I had my son in the hospital. I just left them there, because of course I related flowers to happy times.

[justmelinda]

that is strange that you posted this now...... my last plant that I had from Scottie's Doctor died this last weekend..... it was just a plant.... but at one time it was a big healthy peace lilly and I tossed it last weekend.... and I felt like a rotten mom.... like I couldn't even keep the plant alive. so sad.

[MartiGirlNY]

Yep, mourned all over again throwing out those dead house plants ..... and my Mom "inherited" one when we moved cross country that she swore was thriving, yet when I went to see her, it was no where to be found ... obviously she was lying b/c she too felt guilty

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm plants? no thank you. I'll take flowers that we EXPECT to die, thanks. ouch, it all hurts, period, but admittedly hurts more with no acknowledgment, so if plants are all you can come up with ........................................

well then, better something than NOTHING ... honestly I don't personally, even mind "grieving again" as it is somehow healing .......... or rather a part of my healing which prolly will never be "complete". The way Isee it (at thsi smoment anyhoo) is that any opportunity to participate in my own healing process is welcome.

So, ultimately thank you for the plants that die, and make us cry says I.

MG

[barbiesthoughts]

in Oz the federal gov give you $4000 for having a baby. (Strange policy i know - to compensate for bad maternity leave legislation)

Us loss moms get the money too.

Me and dh are using the money given when Maya was born to get a sculpture to put in the garden. just something small and beautiful. I think it will be made in beautiful golden sydney sand stone.

This replaced the idea of "planting a tree" cause i do tend to be a brown thumb. If i planted a tree i reckon i would have to plant a whole grove so i wouldn't be devestated if one died.

[momto3angels]

Tricia~

I am a collector of African Violets~I collect rare and beautiful ones that are difficult to keep alive, let alone propagate.

When Hannah, Ryan and Abby died, someone gave me 3 nice (but common) african violets. In all my years of growing them, I have never had violets I coudln't keep alive or, at least, make off-shoots of. Until these 3 plants. All 3 of them died within 6 months of getting them~they never bloomed again or anything. At the time, I was devasted as if I had somehow failed Hannah, Ryan and Abby again.

But, like you said, they don't have anything to do with their memory or the love we have for them. And Trisha, honestly, they don't.

Wishing you peace.

[MamaMaggie]

This might sound rather weird but if a plant dies you can always put it in the compost bin and use the compost for outside plants. This to me would be easier to deal with than to throw the plant in the trash.