What do you all do for Anniversaries?

[Curly,]

Owen's 1 year anniversary is comng up (well it's December so it's not that close) but I am starting to think about it. Not looking forward to it at all, but then again in other ways I am. My little boy might not be with me, but I want to do something nice for him...

I once posted something along the lines of my grief being torture, and my love for Owen being very hard to handle. I don't remember the exact quote but Berni said her love for her son Liam was never a burden. That she was somehow comforted by it. I'm paraphrasing here Berni - sorry! But I now kind of unerstand what you meanr. I've lately realized that I'm strating to handle things better. When I think of Owen I smile now instead of cry. I enjoy the love I have in my heart for him, whereas previously I was so burdened by it because I was also carrying around immense pain and grief. Nine months since his loss I feel differently. I'm proud of him (always was of course) but now I do feel joy when I think of how special he is and how MUCH I love him. I guess the joy has replaced the awful pain. I still feel sad, angry and upset - of course I do!! But Im learning to live with it ... it's part of my day. Part of my life. Another chain to carry that is no longer as heavy as it was. Like a new wrinkle that you get used to and doesn't feel alien anymore. I've become a loss mum. Instead of fighting it, I have become it. Am I making sense here? Or am I crazy.

Well what do you all do for your anniversaries? I feel like I want to get a birthday cake that says Happy Birthday my Angel Owen. Go for a walk and release a balloon. Look at his pictures and cry my heart out. Is this normal or weird?

Thanks for listening. Hoping your stories will guide me in the right direction. And hopng I've made some sense here.

Curly

[MandyNH]

Living twin briefly mentioned......



No no no you make total sense. As a matter of fact just this year....I am going to do an actual remembrance "ritual" for Ryan....its taken 4 years for me to incorporate this kind of "celebration" of Ryans life into motion.

Ive always gone to his grave and kept flowers on it and dropped off little toys etc....but Im going to "have" something for Ryan....instead of just a birthday for his twin Im going to work something in there for Ryan with everybody there....even if it makes them uncomfortable.......

Actually my Mom mentioned that we should do some kind of remembrance for Ryan this year as a family. Im so glad shes coming around to how this has totally impacted and changed my/our lives.

I guess I only avoided it out of my feelings for everyone else....like it would be strange for my family to do such a thing....but Im not really sure why I thought that.....?? Maybe it was more me....like you said.....too painful to hard to realize the magnitude of it all.

Now did I make any sense??

[2QTsInHeaven]

http://photos.yahoo.com/vickiebacon

You're welcome to browse Abigail's and Anne's birthday photos--I always order a flower cake for their gravesites, and by Abigail's birthday we've already decorated for Christmas, so she gets a more of a Christmas party (and less outdoor fun cuz it's cold). Whereas Anne is in spring, so she got a girlie pink party. They both get balloons to keep for the day (or two), and then we blow up a bunch to set free. Another loss mom friend of mine from the cemetery celebrated Anne with us this last year. Many families are known to have their festivities in our baby Garden. My friend's l/c were also in attendance, so I made it a very special party with hats, and blowers and goody bags, cupcakes with juice boxes--a real little girl's party--we included my friend's baby daugther who's buried not too far from my girls--all the down under babies got hats & favors too; it was sweet! I've got pics in the yahoo album. We blew bubbles and had presents; and generally had fun (and of course then I cried later (and before), but you know that's life in our world now).

It's hard to plan a party under the duress of sorrow--I think I must have sobbed three times in the party store before I ever got out of there, but I was glad I did what we did even if my feet seemed to drag through it (and some parts will rip your heart out in no small way).

Take plenty of pictures and let your creativity run free. I typically spend more money on flowers, favors and celebration things than some might think is normal for a graveyard party, but I'd spend the money if they were here--and even for an l/c party it all ends up wadded up in a big trash at the end of the day anyway. I encourage you to do & spend whatever it takes to make a special time that's lovely for you, your family and friends. Post a pic or two when you're done.

[MamaMaggie]

We buy flowers for her grave and visit it. I prepare a special birthday meal with dessert. At night we will open up some wine(from 98) and just talk/cry. We will tak and imagine our life if she was here now. We will imagine dealing with having a child with Marden Walker Syndrome. Then we will also imagine what life would have been like if she hadn't had the syndrome.

[Kim in Oz]

You're making perfect sense Kathy. (((HUGS)))

I think it's important to do whatever you feel is right for Owen's first birthday.

Every year on Jessica, Molly and Joshua's birthday we visit the crematorium and take flowers. We also release three balloons, one at a time, at the times they were born as well as lighting candles for them that burn all day (while we're in the house). And I make a birthday cake. On the first birthday we also invited family and a few close friends to spend the day with us.

Hope you can find way to commemorate this day that you feel is right.

Love and (((hugs)))

[Phud]

You make total sense in all of it hon! As much sense as we can make in this crazy thing called grief! I get a cake every year for my boys. That is our tradition. When we lived in Texas, we used to take a picnic lunch up to the Christmas Box Angel in Fort Worth which is situated in a memorial park just for kids. It is a special place. I missed it this year. We haven't buried Paul and Jack yet, so that was our place to go until we have a grave to visit. We also release balloons. We write letters on 3x5 cards and string them on the balloons before we let them go. Our house in Texas has a tree we planted in the boys' memory, and we used to string a "Missing You" mylar balloon on the tree every year. I had little ornaments that I put on that tree for Christmas too. I want to buy a little tree for indoors this year, in their memory. I miss my little tree.

(((Hugs))) sweetie! I've been thinking of you!

Love,
Christine

[Curly,]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to share your stories. You've given me a few good ideas.

Thanks again

[bigdipper]

When I think of Owen I smile now instead of cry. I enjoy the love I have in my heart for him, whereas previously I was so burdened by it because I was also carrying around immense pain and grief. Nine months since his loss I feel differently. I'm proud of him (always was of course) but now I do feel joy when I think of how special he is and how MUCH I love him. I guess the joy has replaced the awful pain. I still feel sad, angry and upset - of course I do!! But Im learning to live with it ... it's part of my day. Part of my life.

Kathy that is a huge corner to turn. I've never liked the notion that we have to pigeon hole our emotions. "I am sad" "I am happy" " I am angry" "I am peaceful". I think it's healthy for us grieving moms to acknowledge all of it. You rightfully can be angry and upset about the not having Owen with you while at the same time feeling the warmth of your love for him and smiling in your memory of him. I remember a weight being lifted off me when I allowed myself that contradiction and 4 1/2 years later, I still live by that. for you getting to that place.

For our anniversary, we just order comfort food from a local restaurant and do a balloon release. It's very cold and snowy here on my dear one's birthday, so we just release the balloon from the front porch, run to the back window and watch it fly out of our site. Usually with a nice warm fire in the fireplace.........hot tea...........it's all about comfort of body and mind for us that day.

[bmwbrandi2005]

When I think of Owen I smile now instead of cry. I enjoy the love I have in my heart for him, whereas previously I was so burdened by it because I was also carrying around immense pain and grief. Nine months since his loss I feel differently. I'm proud of him (always was of course) but now I do feel joy when I think of how special he is and how MUCH I love him. I guess the joy has replaced the awful pain. I still feel sad, angry and upset - of course I do!! But Im learning to live with it ... it's part of my day. Part of my life. Another chain to carry that is no longer as heavy as it was. Like a new wrinkle that you get used to and doesn't feel alien anymore. I've become a loss mum. Instead of fighting it, I have become it. Am I making sense here? Or am I crazy.

kathy, that was beautiful.... you have such a way with words that i can just feel your emotions as i read them.... and know it doesnt sound crazy... not at all.... ......
i'm not sure what we will do for emily's birthday... but i guess its still early to be thinking about it as this month was her sixth month .... but if things go like they did on the 19th of this month.... then i'll probably be sitting at the cemetary alone with my daughter's spirit... wondering why no one else wants to remember her... cause it seems like everyone here with me (menaing my family and so called friends) have all already forgotten about her- and its only been 6 months, i'm sure in six more months she will be completly forgotten by them- as they are to busy with their own lives it seems hope she knows i will never forget her, and i will always love her