My neighbor just lost baby grand-daughter...(LC men't)

[Cheryl D]

My dearest neighbor just lost her baby grand-daughter this morning. I am still in shock and the tears haven't stopped. The baby was born 10 days ago at 29.5 weeks due to complications from HELP Syndrome. Things had been going SO well. The baby (Jenny) wasn't even on a vent or canula and had been up to 5cc in feeds. She crashed last night and they suspected NEC. It was confirmed this morning that the NEC was too extensive and my neighbor called us at 7am from the hospital to ask if we would go next door to watch her kids still at home.

Jenny died at 8:30 this morning in her parents arms. It was their 1st child and my neighbor's first grand-child. My heart is absolutely broken for this family...... I am taking dinner to them tonight. What else can I do? I don't want to intrude, but I really want to lend support.

I had a preemie last year that was born earlier than my neighbors grand-daughter but made it thru the NICU and is now 1. I am feeling ALOT of "Survivor's Guilt" and don't know if this is going to make my neighbor feel uncomfortable and even more sad.

Although I'm not a Loss Mom, I've been coming to FT for over 7 years for support and advise. I would appreciate any suggestions you can give me to be help my dear friend and her family thru this terrible time....
deanne-

[mhoelzer]

The only advice i can offer is be there for them, even if they dont ask you to. Talk about Jenny with them, even if you cant find the right words, sometimes a simple, "im here" means the world. My thoughts and prayers are with Jenny's family.

[Katie]

I can't tell you how important it is to tell them you are hurting for them now, a month from now, a year from now, 5 years from now. Depending how well you know them, drop them notes in the mail now AND down the road. There's sadly not a lot you can do except tell them how much YOUR heart is breaking for them. It meant a lot to me to hear my friends and family say they were devastated too. Their worlds had stopped too. If you want to physically do something for them, there are lots of things you can purchase that can help them remember their daughter forever. A bracelet for the mom with Jenny's name on it, an engraved picture frame that they can put her picture in... things like that.

[Princess Purr]

I'm so sorry for there loss :-( I hope the mom is recovering from HELLP, there is a great support board for HELLP and preeclampsia at www.preeclampsia.org, you might want to pass that along to your neigherbor. It has really helped me understand more about hellp and preeclampsia. My sweet little girl was born at 26.5 weeks because of preeclampsia, and I was on my way to having help, when ever I read something similar happened to someone else it just breaks my heart.

[Phud]

Cheryl:
I'm sorry to hear this news. I know that your being there and checking up on your neighbor will help.

I understand about the survivor's guilt...it happens. It might help to try to have someone to watch your child when you go visit. For now. Just to make your time with them as comforting on both of you. I hope that helps. Do let them know about this site for support.

[bigdipper]

It meant a lot to me to hear my friends and family say they were devastated too. Their worlds had stopped too.

Ditto. Please don't just extend your sympathies this week. In 3 weeks, after the funeral is over, after people have gone on with their lives, the cards and flowers stop, that is when you should step in. Be there when the rest of the world moves on and I guarentee you, it will be remembered fondly by the family.

And Christine's idea about having someone watch your child when you visit is a very good idea.

[herbie1]

These ladies are right. What has meant the most to me is my BF Jacky, who has gone completely out of her way to understand what I'm going through and has been there for me when everyone else seems to have "gone away." Be there, let her cry, remember the baby with her, it will mean the world to her that you talk about Jenny and how my her loss has affected you. s, you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.