I cried today

[momto3angels]

I don't know why. Nothing shocked me, caught me off gaurd, surprised me. I did not get blindsided or smacked across the face in any way related to Hannah, Ryan and Abby. It was a completely non-eventful day that way.

But I felt like I was in a funk all day. R is always out on Friday nights and I always sit and do my billing for work at the computer. But tonight, instead of sending my invoices out, I sat in front of my monitor and browsed my photos until I found my pictures of Hannah, Ryan and Abby. 3 hospital photos that aren't even that good. I looked at them for a long time and then I started to cry.

I sometimes wonder how different I would be if they hadn't died. I know my life would be different-but how would I be different? I know today I was mourning them but I was also mourning the part of me that's died. I don't know who they would have been today but I also don't know who I would have been today.

5 1/2 years. I just can't believe it.

[Berni]

I can relate..........I wrote this on my local loss group page whilst we were away in the Middle East last month..........

Berni wrote:
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Cried tonight.................at dinner.............as I thought of/spoke about just how EXCITED I was/we all were.............having our babies..............soooo many plans............all just to be snuffed out so cruelly................it is all just SOOO unfair!!!!

And I have been wondering the exact same thing recently too........I know I would be SUCH a different person if Liam hadn't died......

I am glad we have a board called "Living with Loss Through the Years" because I am sure we aaaall have these moments.........

[hedgehog]

[justmelinda]

I wonder about that a lot..... who we would be today ..... I am a loner now.... never was before.... I never expect happy ever after... and if something bad happens I fall apart .... and live the night mare again... and I don't think I will ever be ok....