family members still don't quite understand

[plastic]

Hello everyone,

This post is more of a vent I suppose, but also to talk about family or friends that still do not quite grasp that it is OK to not have kids.

I was on the phone with my grandpa, and he started talking about how now that he's older he wished he had 2 more kids on top of the 2 he did have when he was younger. He said his neighbor has no kids to take care of her and she's too old to help herself. And, he said she is so very lonely. He said he thinks its sad, and young people should have kids. etc etc.

I'm not sure that my grandpa completely knows our situation. I'm certainly not mad at him because I don't think he really understands. My grandpa and grandma are lucky enough to have a great daughter who takes care of them every way she can, and probably too much to the point she runs herself down. (Their son is a different story.)

I have been second guessing myself though, and reconsidering what our old age, should we be blessed enough to get there, will be like without kids. I have to remind myself that old age without kids need not be lonely nor needy.

I do not plan to explain the situation to my grandparents as I feel it would be pretty pointless. I just wish people were more considerate. It would be great to have some older people here on the forum that never had kids to speak up about their lives.

plastic
dh 32 me 26

[CF_FamilyOfTwo]

Having kids is no quarentee that they will look after you in your old age anyhow, if this were true there wouldn't be so many old and lonely people in nursing homes.
Hugs

[Bub]

Hello there,
I remember when I was younger, Im 46 now, that I was like an open wound when it came to my infertility. Everything I heard from everyone hurt me. I found that people was very insensitive to my feelings and so my feelings got trampled on so many times. Im lucky now in the sense that Im not of what mainstream people call child bearing age, so therefore I dont get asked as to why I dont have children, well at least not very often and when I do get asked now, I give them a cutting because I couldnt have any and then give them a good look, I perfected over the years lol. What I have learnt is that people really dont understand, some try to understand but then there are others that just dont get it.
I like to think that in my twilight years, I shall be a sprightly *young looking* lady with an equally sprightly young looking husband and most of all we shall both be fit and healthy and cruising the bahamas. And that we shall both have lots of money and so when (if) the time comes that we would need looking after, we shall have a lovely very expensive care home of my choosing to live our days out in. Sounds good to me
My sister has a bunch of children and when we are joking around with each other I always say to her, that at least I get to choose my own care home whereas hers will be chosen for her.
take care
all the very best to you
bub

[Gemma]

Hi everybody

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like being older and not having children around etc. I guess there are pros and cons to every situation. As CF pointed out, having kids doesn't necessarily mean they would look after you. To be honest, having children or not, I don't think I would want them to have to look after me. I agree with Bub about choosing my own care home. I hope I will be independent up until the end, like my gran was, and that my DH and I get to live a long life together. I'm not sure I want someone else making big decisions for me. I guess the good thing about not having children is that I would have more to spend on my care home than if we'd had to pay for university fees and house deposits etc!!!!!!

Just a quick background on me. I'm nearly 38, so is DH. We've been ttc for 11 years and had 8 m/c's. I'm not sure what will happen in the future but I am trying to look at all the alternatives before we make any other decisions. We have been together 16 years and been CF all that time.

Gemma