Your thoughts...

[SaraLee]

Ive been thinking about this a little bit. Wondering what others views are on it here. Its a sensitive topic of course but I feel this board is safe enough to discuss it.

Do you think people with bipolar should become parents?

I look at my dd and wonder if that would be a good idea. Then it makes me sad to think she may not experience that. Really, do I have any say at all?? Probably not but, for one, I worry about her passing on the mental illness. Two, I worry about her handling being a good parent. Even if you are stable, you dont know that that will last. What happens to the child while their parent goes thru episodes of instability.

At the same time, I bet there are people who are bipolar who are doing fine, who may even be offended that I may assume they cant be good parents because of impending episodes of instability. I only assume it because of seeing my dd and all that she cannot handle just for herself.

I really dont have an answer...just thoughts on it.

Thinking about my second thought on it...Her having bio children and risking passing this on. Im so totally against that.

If I just had a crystal ball and could see into her future....then again...maybe thats not such a good idea either! lol

So, your thoughts??

[jbratfine]

hmmm,yu know i never thought bout it much myself.but my oldest son(13) is adhd/bi-polar and he has 3 younger brothers two are babies(2&1) he is very very good with them. now when they do get on his nerves as he calls it,he just goes to his room or goes outside to cool his jets i have not seen him be mean to them at all,so do i think he would be a good parent?maybe maybe not guess it depends. someday he might have kids and i would hope he is a good parent he does talk bout having 1 kid when he grows up and gets married..lol..thats all he wants he says just one.i just hope i raise him good enough and give him all the advice i can and maybe he will be,really hope that is a very long time from now

[SmilingHelps]

This is a difficult topic, but I can understand your thoughts. No one wants to watch their child or grandchild suffer from a mental illness. The hereditary aspect alone is difficult because no one wants to pass ANY illness along to their children- regardless of that illness. I honestly don't see any reason why a person with CONTROLLED bipolar shouldn't be a parent. My understanding of bipolar disorder is that there are different degrees of severity. If someone is controlled and completely within their facilities, there certainly shouldn't be any reason he or she couldn't be a successful parent. Good parents come in every shape and form, and if someone can balance their illness with success, then they should be allowed every blessing that life has to offer.

Having said that, I had an acquaintance who suffered from uncontrolled bipolar. He had a three year old daughter, and it was very difficult to watch how the illness disrupted his daughter's life. His highs and lows were chaotic and frightening. He ran through women monthly- insisting each time that he was going to marry the woman. He attempted suicide several times and did very erratic things (ie: one time, he was admitted to the hospital after jumping into a gang fight that he just happened to pass by on the street. He wasn't involved- didn't know any of the people- but he saw them fighting and had to go join.). Meanwhile, his daughter was caught in a whirlwind of chaos. She was a beautiful, healthy, girl but it seemed like she wasn't really given the chance to have a good life.

In the end, I think it comes down to the severity of someone's illness. Some people are unable to help themselves more-or-less nurture and care for a child. However, others are completely controlled and healthy individuals who manage to lead normal, productive life.

[SaraLee]

hmmm,yu know i never thought bout it much myself.but my oldest son(13) is adhd/bi-polar and he has 3 younger brothers two are babies(2&1) he is very very good with them. now when they do get on his nerves as he calls it,he just goes to his room or goes outside to cool his jets i have not seen him be mean to them at all,so do i think he would be a good parent?maybe maybe not guess it depends. someday he might have kids and i would hope he is a good parent he does talk bout having 1 kid when he grows up and gets married..lol..thats all he wants he says just one.i just hope i raise him good enough and give him all the advice i can and maybe he will be,really hope that is a very long time from now

Hi
Could you share with me a little about your sons bipolar and treatment? What were his worse behaviors and what meds have you tried? Which were successful, which were not? What do you do for his adhd and did you find him to be more sensitive to meds for adhd because of his bipolar?
Sorry for all the questions but I dont get many chances to talk with anyone else with a child being treated for bipolar.
How long has he been stable?

[SaraLee]

This is a difficult topic, but I can understand your thoughts. No one wants to watch their child or grandchild suffer from a mental illness. The hereditary aspect alone is difficult because no one wants to pass ANY illness along to their children- regardless of that illness. I honestly don't see any reason why a person with CONTROLLED bipolar shouldn't be a parent. My understanding of bipolar disorder is that there are different degrees of severity. If someone is controlled and completely within their facilities, there certainly shouldn't be any reason he or she couldn't be a successful parent. Good parents come in every shape and form, and if someone can balance their illness with success, then they should be allowed every blessing that life has to offer.

Having said that, I had an acquaintance who suffered from uncontrolled bipolar. He had a three year old daughter, and it was very difficult to watch how the illness disrupted his daughter's life. His highs and lows were chaotic and frightening. He ran through women monthly- insisting each time that he was going to marry the woman. He attempted suicide several times and did very erratic things (ie: one time, he was admitted to the hospital after jumping into a gang fight that he just happened to pass by on the street. He wasn't involved- didn't know any of the people- but he saw them fighting and had to go join.). Meanwhile, his daughter was caught in a whirlwind of chaos. She was a beautiful, healthy, girl but it seemed like she wasn't really given the chance to have a good life.

In the end, I think it comes down to the severity of someone's illness. Some people are unable to help themselves more-or-less nurture and care for a child. However, others are completely controlled and healthy individuals who manage to lead normal, productive life.

Yup, all my same thoughts. I see my dd as being on the severe side and completely unable to picture her as a stable adult. When I think of her teenage/young adult years, I imagine chaos. Probably because we've had more chaos with her bipolar then stability. Although I pray and hope that will all change for the better. I pray she will be a responsible partner in her treatment and isnt the opposite and fights it.

Thanks for answering and pondering this question with me.

[jbratfine]

saralee,my son is now on concerta(54mg highest dose allowed) during the day and rispedal at night, he was on adderal and straterra,neither worked at all,then he was on one i forget the name it did not work either so now he is only on these two,he has his ups and downs still,not as bad as before but still there,he is not 100% but for the most part he does ok,he see's a therapist to we are working on how to control his temper right now,he seems to have trouble doing that while at school(he goes to one for his needs not a public)(he was in public but got kicked out)he says they bug him and get on his nerves so he ends up fighting then getting restrained and put in the quiet room might sound harsh to some but trust me if you seen the way he can get you would understand,this is not a tiny little kid,this is a 5ft 4 1/2 in tall 13 year old weighing 139lbs,very stocky and strong i have seen him take on grown men! so beleive me when i say they are not hurting him by holding his arms and restraining him.....not sure what medications yours is on pm me anytime yu wantoh and i just thought of another one he was on that did nothing it was called attarax,the other i still can't think of..lol.

[SaraLee]

Thanks for answering and sorry it has taken me so long to respond.
Violet is now on geodon (used to be on risperdal but it caused high choleterol) and we are currently on our second try with depakote. First time she got a rash...we arent sure if it was from that so we are trying again. Im nervous as heck because I feel the depakote is helpful to her and I would like to be able to keep her on it. Ill know in a few days.
The next drug the psych dr is talking about is lithium. This makes me want to cry.
We have tried adhd drugs like concerta and stratterra...caused havoc in her, made her worse. She is soooo impulsive though! Dr. says she is very sensitive to the adhd drugs because of her bipolar. So we havent found one to be effective for that yet. We tried tenex/guanfacine with no results. We may revisit that one again...according to the Dr.
You dont have to explain the restrainging to me. My dd is only 5 and when she is raging, she is so incredibly strong, and well, its not really her in there when this occurs and she will literally try to punch me in the face, kick, hit, bite...do anything she can to 'get away'. She has tried jumping out of the car....She is too heavy/strong for me to control physically for a long time anymore. When she was 3 and raging, I could handle her physically, not anymore. Not during a true rage.
We have started talking therapy and she also started a social skills class that is really addressing her anxietys instead of blowing them off. In headstart where they did not support me or the bipolar dx's, they classified her as ahead socially...and in a way, she is. With children she is often the leader and very happy. But in a more controlled setting she is so anxious, and tries so hard to hide it that by the time she got home, she would lose it. With her new therapist, she doesnt let Vi get away with hiding it, she makes her talk about it and acknowledges her feelings and helps her understand them and not be so afraid of them. Violets biggest fear is people not liking her, laughing at her, making fun of her....because deep down she knows she is different when it comes to anger and she is terribly afraid of people witnessing a meltdown and seeing this side of her. She is sure that if they do, they wont like her. My dd also talks of suicide sometimes. Not as much as before thank goodness. That was something I have a very very hard time with.
Im terrified of the teen years. Isnt there an age when your child can refuse their meds??? What in the world do we do then?!?! Does anyone know what age this is? I just pray that Vi becomes educated about her issue and always sticks to her treatment. Then I come back to reality! lol
We do not have bad rages right now, but sometimes constant defiance. Always impulsive, and I have to really be on my game to adjust my tones and responces to address her without setting her off. Her emotional responses are often at a 3 year old level, and we try to praise her if her responses are at a 5 year old level. So, if she gets angry and stomps off, I can praise her for being mad like a 5 year old and thank her for not screaming as a 3 year old might do. It helps her self esteem to find the positive in her negative reactions...if I can. Telling her Im proud of her for acting like a 5 year old (even being mad) makes her feel like she did it right and how could someone not like her if she got mad the right way. lol Dont ask me but its helping. LOL It sounds crazy!
Thank you for sharing about your son! I really appreciate it. Not many will talk about their childs bipolar issues. (((hugs)))