Just starting, needing advice - Page 2

nicole0721 · 08-05-2009, 03:13 PM

Hello BC-Cell,
My HSG cannot be scheduled until the first day of my August cycle, so I have to wait around until then in order to have the test done. Once I start my August cycle I have to have the test done in a small window of 3 to 9 days. So its just more waiting.

nicole0721 · 08-05-2009, 04:23 PM

So on top of having to go through all of the testing, my best friend just found out that she is pregnant and they weren't even trying! I am so happy for her but inside I'm crushed! Is it weird to feel this way? Any advice on how I should deal with this?

lisvet · 08-05-2009, 04:42 PM

Hi Nicole0721, My friend who has also been trying for a year to get pregnant and was on Clomid for 6 months finally is pregnant. She told me about 2 months ago when she was just about 4months. She told me she did not want to tell me because she was afraid I would be upset and sad. I am very happy for here but I was very sad on my way home. I cried all night and was sad for days. I am feeling much better now and I just keep telling myself that there is a reason why I am not pregnant yet....yes, YET. About 4months ago I had told myself this was it but I cannot stop yet. I want a baby and I am sure it will come. I have had lots of advise and support on this group.

Be strong and we'll all get there together.

Lisvet

nicole0721 · 08-05-2009, 05:46 PM

lisvet,
Thank you so much I am so glad that there is someone else that feels the same way! I have been really depressed since I found out, but like you said there must be a reason that we cannot get pregnant. I have always said that things happen for a reason, even though in our situation it is really hard to see that specific reason!

**BC-Cel** · 08-05-2009, 06:13 PM

I know that's so hard. It wasn't that I wasn't happy if a friend got pg, but I was so sad for myself and it made me feel like it would never happen to me.

Is your friend aware of what you're going through? It's hard to know how people will react. Perhaps you can talk to her and try to explain that it's not that you're unhappy for her but you're hurting so much for yourself that it's hard for you right now. Don't feel bad for grieving for yourself. Sometimes there are no easy answers as to how to react to this; you just need to feel your way through it and do the best that you can.

GGG2006 · 08-05-2009, 07:45 PM

My sister got pregnant two months after my miscarriage and now my best friend is pregnant as well. I really struggled with my sister, especially since her pregnancy was an unwanted one. As for my best friend, I am tempted to be sad sometimes but here are some thoughts that have gotten me through, in case it's helpful for you.

A couple of weeks after she told me that she was pregnant, my best friend and I were having dinner and she starting crying because of a lot of financial stress she and her husband are under. My heart went out to her but it also provided a moment of clarity for me.

I was reminded that in all of our lives, some things will come more easily than others. For my best friend, pregnancy is easy for her but financial stability is not. Similar situation for my sister - who is now a single mom. In fact, she told me the other day she would give anything to have a husband who loves her like my DH loves me. Again, I was reminded, that we all have those things that come easily and those things that don't. For me, pregnancy may not come easily, but finding my soulmate did. For my sister, pregnancy came easily, but finding a soulmate hasn't. Funny how life works.

Having a baby is just not one of those things that will happen easily for me or may not happen at all. I will have to work harder at this than other things in my life but on the flip side, I have a great job with financial stability and wonderful husband that loves me.

All of this hasn't erased the sadness I feel some days and when I find myself tempted to feel sad about someone else's pregnancy, I remember that I have riches in my life I need to be grateful for.

I hope I don't sound too preachy or trite, it's has just been a helpful reminder for me and I know how easy it can be to give into the sadness. Best of luck to you on your journey.

nicole0721 · 08-06-2009, 11:29 AM

BC-Cell,
She does know what I am going through which is why I think she is so afraid to talk about her pregnancy with me or when I'm around. I have told her that there is nothing that she can't talk to me about and that I am here to support her and I don't want her to feel sad because it is something to be happy about!

nicole0721 · 08-06-2009, 11:35 AM

GGG2006,
Your post was so wonderful. You are right, life is funny. I think that you have said everything that I have been thinking. I need to be thankful for the wonderful things that I have in life now. I have a career and a wondeful husband and I should spend moments in life celebrating the things I have now instead of dwelling with the fact that I may never get pregnant.

**BC-Cel** · 08-06-2009, 02:59 PM

GGG2006, thatms such a good way to look at this. It"s easy to get so caught up that we forget there aare good things in life too that we can appreciaate,

lisvet · 08-13-2009, 02:44 PM

B-Cel & GGG2006, you have both put it nicely. My husband and I will keep trying. My husband is also wonderful to me and like you both said, I need to celebrate the things I have.
Working the long hours also does not help so I need to take care of me and loved ones.

Talk to you soon.

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08-05-2009, 03:13 PM	#11 (permalink)
nicole0721 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 9	Hello BC-Cell, My HSG cannot be scheduled until the first day of my August cycle, so I have to wait around until then in order to have the test done. Once I start my August cycle I have to have the test done in a small window of 3 to 9 days. So its just more waiting.

08-05-2009, 04:23 PM	#12 (permalink)
nicole0721 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 9	So on top of having to go through all of the testing, my best friend just found out that she is pregnant and they weren't even trying! I am so happy for her but inside I'm crushed! Is it weird to feel this way? Any advice on how I should deal with this?

08-05-2009, 04:42 PM	#13 (permalink)
lisvet 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 48	Hi Nicole0721, My friend who has also been trying for a year to get pregnant and was on Clomid for 6 months finally is pregnant. She told me about 2 months ago when she was just about 4months. She told me she did not want to tell me because she was afraid I would be upset and sad. I am very happy for here but I was very sad on my way home. I cried all night and was sad for days. I am feeling much better now and I just keep telling myself that there is a reason why I am not pregnant yet....yes, YET. About 4months ago I had told myself this was it but I cannot stop yet. I want a baby and I am sure it will come. I have had lots of advise and support on this group. Be strong and we'll all get there together. Lisvet

08-05-2009, 05:46 PM	#14 (permalink)
nicole0721 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 9	lisvet, Thank you so much I am so glad that there is someone else that feels the same way! I have been really depressed since I found out, but like you said there must be a reason that we cannot get pregnant. I have always said that things happen for a reason, even though in our situation it is really hard to see that specific reason!

08-05-2009, 06:13 PM	#15 (permalink)
BC-Cel BC Just Starting & Allergies Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Chicago area Posts: 2,590	I know that's so hard. It wasn't that I wasn't happy if a friend got pg, but I was so sad for myself and it made me feel like it would never happen to me. Is your friend aware of what you're going through? It's hard to know how people will react. Perhaps you can talk to her and try to explain that it's not that you're unhappy for her but you're hurting so much for yourself that it's hard for you right now. Don't feel bad for grieving for yourself. Sometimes there are no easy answers as to how to react to this; you just need to feel your way through it and do the best that you can.

08-05-2009, 07:45 PM	#16 (permalink)
GGG2006 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 24	My sister got pregnant two months after my miscarriage and now my best friend is pregnant as well. I really struggled with my sister, especially since her pregnancy was an unwanted one. As for my best friend, I am tempted to be sad sometimes but here are some thoughts that have gotten me through, in case it's helpful for you. A couple of weeks after she told me that she was pregnant, my best friend and I were having dinner and she starting crying because of a lot of financial stress she and her husband are under. My heart went out to her but it also provided a moment of clarity for me. I was reminded that in all of our lives, some things will come more easily than others. For my best friend, pregnancy is easy for her but financial stability is not. Similar situation for my sister - who is now a single mom. In fact, she told me the other day she would give anything to have a husband who loves her like my DH loves me. Again, I was reminded, that we all have those things that come easily and those things that don't. For me, pregnancy may not come easily, but finding my soulmate did. For my sister, pregnancy came easily, but finding a soulmate hasn't. Funny how life works. Having a baby is just not one of those things that will happen easily for me or may not happen at all. I will have to work harder at this than other things in my life but on the flip side, I have a great job with financial stability and wonderful husband that loves me. All of this hasn't erased the sadness I feel some days and when I find myself tempted to feel sad about someone else's pregnancy, I remember that I have riches in my life I need to be grateful for. I hope I don't sound too preachy or trite, it's has just been a helpful reminder for me and I know how easy it can be to give into the sadness. Best of luck to you on your journey.

08-06-2009, 11:29 AM	#17 (permalink)
nicole0721 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 9	BC-Cell, She does know what I am going through which is why I think she is so afraid to talk about her pregnancy with me or when I'm around. I have told her that there is nothing that she can't talk to me about and that I am here to support her and I don't want her to feel sad because it is something to be happy about!

08-06-2009, 11:35 AM	#18 (permalink)
nicole0721 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 9	GGG2006, Your post was so wonderful. You are right, life is funny. I think that you have said everything that I have been thinking. I need to be thankful for the wonderful things that I have in life now. I have a career and a wondeful husband and I should spend moments in life celebrating the things I have now instead of dwelling with the fact that I may never get pregnant.

08-06-2009, 02:59 PM	#19 (permalink)
BC-Cel BC Just Starting & Allergies Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Chicago area Posts: 2,590	GGG2006, thatms such a good way to look at this. It"s easy to get so caught up that we forget there aare good things in life too that we can appreciaate,

08-13-2009, 02:44 PM	#20 (permalink)
lisvet 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 48	B-Cel & GGG2006, you have both put it nicely. My husband and I will keep trying. My husband is also wonderful to me and like you both said, I need to celebrate the things I have. Working the long hours also does not help so I need to take care of me and loved ones. Talk to you soon.