New and kinda scared

[PurAngel]

I am 25 years old. I was just diagnosed with PCOS yesterday, and while I feel confident that I understand my disorder properly, I can't help but feel worried about my future.

It has been my desire my whole life to be a mother. If I never accomplished anything else, I wanted to be a mother. My parents only had one child, and my father's only sibling never reproduced. So really, if I don't have children, my family line dies with me.

But after 2 years of trying to conceive and failing, I began seeking help. I was diagnosed almost right away and given the implications of my infertility. I was told that it is treatable and there is hope, but still I worry. All my life before I was told that it was ok to have abnormal periods and they were only irregular due to stress. Now I'm told that all the other doctors were wrong and should have looked further into it.

On Tuesday (2/28/05) my DH, David, and I are going for a follow-up at the doctor's office. I suspect it will basically be a Q&A session and I will be started on my first set of hormones to (hopefully) open up my ovaries and force me to ovulate.

The news (of PCOS) fills me with a mixture of relief, heartbreak, and hope all at the same time. I am relieved to know why I haven't conceived yet and that it IS treatable. I am crushed to know that there is something wrong with me and that I may never be able to conceive and that I am at risk for a whole world of other, more serious problems. And, I am hopeful because now I know I'm getting help and I may have kids after all, maybe even soon.

My MIL told me that if I ever want to talk about it, that she's there for me. She is probably one of the sweetest people I know and I really appreciate her being there for me, but the LAST thing I want to do is talk to her about this. At the risk of sounding twelve, I want my own Mommy, and right now SHE'S dealing with this, and I'm not too sure she knows what to do just yet. She's doing research on it and probably surfing message boards to get a feel for it.

And sometimes I think my biggest problem isn't that I have PCOS, but will be my reaction the next time someone asks "So when are you guys gonna have kids?" It has gotten so painful to hear that question that I have just simply resorted to answering with "I don't really think I am ready for kids yet," or "We don't want kids," just to get people off our backs. If I answer anything else, they want to "talk" about it, and I don't want to talk to anyone about it who just THINKS they know what I'm going through. They say things like "Well, just don't worry about it, it'll happen." They have all already had kids, and no, it WON'T just happen with me. It can't. How do I get through this question without bursting into tears?

I am nothing but a rollercoaster of emotion right now. I apologize for the long post, I just had to get some stuff off my chest. If I try to talk to any of my friends about it, I basically just get a pity look. I feel comfortable here because I am not alone.

[jarkleinhans]

Don't give up hope! I'm going through the same thing although i come from a large family. As for answering the "when are you guys going to have children" question i usually answer back with something that makes them as uneasy as they are making me. not to be rude to them but to make them realize that it's kind of our business and no one else's. one of our favorites is " well we're working on it but having sex is too much fun to move on to that other stuff." If people are being to pushing just simply tell them that it's your personal business and that's the way you wish to keep it for now. don't worry the next time it comes up you will have the perfect response to their ever so nosy questions!

Good luck!
A

[Elann]

<<<hugs>>>

I do not have PCOS. We are dealing with Male Infertility. No matter what the diagnosis is - it sucks. The good news is you now what is the problem and you have some time to work on it.

When David was diagnosed - I was crushed. I too had been trying for 2 years. But there was a sense of relief that now I could move forward.

I wish you a short time of dealing with this.

Jennifer

[mina]

Hi there!

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago too and this site has really been helpful in dealing with all my questions and emotions, I'm glad you found it.

We just went to our 1st big event since the Dx this past weekend and I was really nervous. Of course we were asked about a dozen times if we had kids yet, or when were we going to have them.
Since it was mostly DH's family doing the asking the best response was "we're still enjoying being newlyweds".
Now true, we've been together for a few years and actively TTC for over 1 1/2 years...but everyone seemed to get the idea that it wasn't something we wanted to go into detail about.

Had it been anyone else asking the response would have been, "we're still practicing, but when we get it right we'll make sure you're the first to know!"

Hang in there

[PurAngel]

Thank you!

Jarkleinhans - My MIL says to just have an answer ready so I don't have to think about it too much when they ask. I tried the sex answer once, and that unfortunately only made it more uncomfortable for me because then they wanted to share sex stories. *Shudder* I will definitely come up with something to make them just as uncomfortable as they make me, though. Maybe I'll just sick my MIL on them.

Elann - thank you very much for your kind thoughts. You are right, any kind of infertility, no matter how treatable it is, sucks. I, too, wish you the best of luck for you and your David.

[PurAngel]

Mina - David's family is soooo large that whenever we would go to family functions each of us would be asked no less than 3 times by all different people. It didn't bother me so much at first because his family is BIG on procreation. But then his sister started asking. And his parents, even though they knew how much it bugged me. And my parents, even though THEY knew how hard we'd been trying. Then friends, acquaintances, and people I hardly knew. And then I found out that friends wouldn't tell me when they got pregnant because they were afraid I'd be "jealous" or "upset" because they knew I was having difficulty.

Which is why I was relieved to finally be diagnosed, and why I am finally here, among people who actually understand. It's nice to be surrounded by people who know exactly how I feel, as opposed to those who can only guess, and pity me, and make it worse (although, inadvertently).

I love my friends and family and David's family. But they will never understand (except, of course, for those who HAVE adopted - I will talk to them eventually).

[BC-Cel]

Hello and welcome to the site.

In the welcome post here at Just Starting there is a link to a guide for friends and family. Also www.resolve.org has some tips on dealing with friends and family. It helps to find a local support group, or some of the ladies from FT who might live in your area, to connect with people who are going through the same thing. IF is so isolating. I'm sure you'll find good support here!

Cel

[Dawn2005]

Hi, I relate very much to what your going through, I can help you by talking and being there to listen .. This site does help.. its alot easier talking to people who know what it is to suffer from IF. (whatever type of dx.. it all comes down to the same thing) Its easier .. much easier for me to deal with the questions now from family and friends... should you need anything don't hesitate to let me know..

With Love and hugs going straight to you.

[Drumble]

Hi,

As I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading something I would have written. I too have PCOS and it has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I was diagnosed about 2 and a half hears ago and have probably had it for 8 years. There is a wonderful forum for women with PCOS that has helped me tremendously. www.pcosupport.org You should check it out.

I have just recently started to se an RE and his comments about my PCOS have really helped to put my mind at ease. I have been so nervous that I would never be able to have children and when I spoke to my RE he said, "It's not a matter of if, it's when and how." I felt like a load had been lifted.

As for people asking you about children -- I don't know why people feel that this is any of your business! IT drives me crazy. But my RE has a great poster on the wall of his office that says: "How to answer the obnoxious when are you going to have a family question... We have been trying to have a child for several years , but we have an infertility problem. I'd be happy to explain our problem and the treatment we are pursuing, since you asked." I haven't yet had the nerve to say that to someone but it would be funny to see their face!

Women with PCOS CAN have children it's just a little harder for us. Try to keep your chin up.

Vanessa