July 2009 Weekly Thread 5/18-5/24

[sunshine813]

Another week has come and gone, pretty soon we'll be hearing birth stories! It's still a little unreal for me that in no more than 9 weeks we will have our son with us. I get so emotional just thinking about it. It's crazy! Friday night we went to our friends house who just had a baby (he's 10 days old) and it was so cool. He was so tiny and sweet and just made me that much more excited to meet our little guy. But, I'm not quite ready yet. We've got some more things to take care of in the babies room and I need to finish out my stuff at work, etc. I'm hoping that by the time I finish my time at work (5 more weeks!) that everything will be pretty much set and I can just relax and wait for him to make his arrival.

We had a heat wave this weekend, it was over 100 both Sat. and Sun. Thank goodness for our pool and the A/C. I'm also very thankful that we don't have to go through the entire summer pregnant.

Well, I hope that everyone is doing great! Looking forward to hearing the updates.

Lana, I hope Xavier is continuing to improve and close to coming home with you.

[B]

Sorry Lisa! You and I must have started the thread at the same time! I deleted and copied what I had posted


Howdy everyone! Welcome to another week in our journey!!!

How's everyone feeling? Anything new going on? How are the bodies holding up?

I'm doing alright. On bedrest still. Other than a couple of "woe is me" moments, I am doing fine. I feel really lonely and left out of stuff with my DH and son, but I do know it's only temporary. Last night they went to Chuck E. Cheese and I felt "left behind." I had my moment of sadness and then took a nap. My son is growing so fast and I feel like I am just an observer instead of a participant. I also know it is the best for these two little girls I am about to be a mother to; it's just hard. I am also very active in normal circumstances, so this sitting around is making me feel lazy.

OK, enough pity party for me. Otherwise physically I feel ok. My babies were 3lbs and 3lbs 1oz last Monday and I've gained 23lbs myself. When my son was born he was 5lb 14oz and I had gained the same - 23lbs. Weird!!! My tummy is tight at all times and breathing is more and more difficult. Sleeping sucks b/c I am up 2-4 times a night to go to the restroom. I have a dentist appt tomorrow morning and then OB next week.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week. We're chugging right along. Let's keep the updates going. Personally it keeps me going during my days on bedrest!!!

Hugs

[Minxy3]

Ok, so my brain is going postal and I need to vent.

Doc (of course a different one) comes in this a.m. says, amnio next week then deliver baby. Stay in hospital until then. (pardon incomplete sentences, I'm just gonna get it all out.) Talk about a crash. Go from go home tomorrow possibly to you're stuck here AND you're going to deliver before 35 weeks.

Food I've ordered hasn't been right once, always something missing. Like, first night, both vegetables missing down to missing salt today, which ultimately meant I didn't eat my eggs and I'm ordering very little 'cause I'm not hungry to begin with. Little stuff, but it sucks being out of control and not allowed fix things myself. I called for the nurse to bring me salt and she never showed up. Sure, there are more important things going on, but when you've stuck someone in a bed and forbidden them to walk around, you gotta get SOMEONE there.

So, I go to sleep. This is after being woken 3 times through the night for different things. Doesn't the commercial for Ambien say something about "only take when you can devote 8 full hours"? Last one was at 6:30ish, which meant I was then UP. Stupid place.

I ended up taking a nap (after crying for an hour over SALT, can you imagine?) and in my nap, a nurse (this is a dream) brought in a bunch of people to talk over my case (this is a teaching hospital) and I was pissed that not only did they wake me, but had these people in the room without my permission. So I followed them to the door, and the nurse walked in. I told her she and everyone else needed to stay out and she said I didn't have a choice.

Well, ... IN MY DREAM (keep remembering that) I beat her bloody. One of the things I did was flip her over my head, almost hitting the ceiling with her and smash her to the ground. There was blood everywhere. Another nurse came in, saw the carnage and stuck me with Haldol (sp?). Can we say I watch too much crime TV? As that was taking effect, I was just sobbing over no one listening to me, etc.

Can we say, stressed?

So now I'm deciding whether to leave AMA for bed rest at home. I'm only 7 minutes away from the hospital and I could have neighbors on call to take me down to avoid the wait for an ambulance.

NICU was supposed to come down and talk with me, but I guess since I'm no longer an emergency they're not coming. I have questions for them that would help me make decisions about whether to allow a csection next week or to push for more time, regardless of whether I'm bed-resting in the hospital or not.

I want to sleep at home with my daughter. I may not be allowed to pick her up, etc., but I could at least cuddle at night. Right now, she won't even cuddle with me after my episode two nights ago. She just wants to go home when she's tired and leaves.

I want to bring my new daughter home with me from the hospital. I want to nurse her right away and not have to pump and tube feed (or bottle). I want her in the room with me after delivery, not in the NICU. I know that there's frequently not the choice, and boy do I feel for those of you who have had to use the NICU and had to leave your baby behind when you've gone home, knowing now how badly I don't want that to happen.

I had an awful b-feeding experience with DD where we fought for months before we both got it. Part was medical on my end, and then part was the idiot who gave me a nipple shield. I was really looking forward to getting the "right" start. I don't want to have to fight again. I don't expect it to be easy, but I really was expecting easier and to hopefully avoid the low supply that resulted from the poor start.

Just found out the nurse turned up the heat while I was sleeping. OMG, I can't get cold enough. She thought 'cause I was bundled up that I was cold. No, that's just the way I prefer sleeping. I was sitting here sweating thinking the thermostat was all the way down. Ugh. I'd rather be cold than have to fight the heat. Yah, I don't do well too hot and no sleep. Hmmm.

My ex has been coming in with my daughter and I'm so worried about hurting her feelings that when a dr. asked if we were partners, I waited for her to say no and she didn't. I haven't told her, but any relations I have in the future will be with a man, and that I don't identify lesbian. I was sooo mad. We've been broken up for almost two years now and she doesn't want to tell anyone. Yet if I bring it up that we're NOT partners, she gets all depressed.
I'm about to flip out completely in general and I can see myself snapping all those feelings at her. Trying to hold it together as she's taking care of DD.

So, I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, these are just raw emotions. I know I'm luckier than many (especially those with previa, who I'm told don't typically get even this far) and I'm being a baby. Just so hard to lose control, especially control over DD. So, since I can't seem to stop crying, gonna go now. Maybe a shower would help.

Susan

[B]

Oh Susan. Oh my. I am glad you got all of that out of your head and off your chest. I am sorry you're going through so much. Gosh. Remind me how many weeks you are again?? I can't figure it out!!! I know it's hard right now, but your older daughter will be just fine when mommy and new little sister get home to be with her. I know right now the prospect of normalcy is seemingly impossible to grasp. Just know it will all be over soon and you'll be home with your darling girls.

I am so sorry for what you're enduring right now. Thoughts continue to be with you.

[zaworas]

Brandi,

I totally know how you feel. My hubby leaves to go work even, or goes to hit a few golf balls and I am so jealous. I hate being at home by myself, but that will soon change. It is so hard being home all of the time with noone to talk to, so I understand your loneliness completely! Soon our twins will be here and we wont be lonely anymore. :-)\\

Casey
Michigan
twin boys

[sunshine813]

Susan--I am so sorry you are feeling this way but I am glad that you put it all down on "paper". I hope that helps some. Is there anyway you can get ahold of your normal doctor to talk about whether you could go home and rest compared to having to be in the hospital. It sure sounds like a second opinion is not out of line, even if you can't get your doctor. I know it must be so hard to be away from your DD and to have to deal with issues with your ex-partner right now. Try to hang in there, you will be back home with your DD and your new little one before you know it. (I know, easier said than done!)

P.S. Your dream sounds very cathartic!

[DMS721]

I had a a busy weekend.

We did the 3D ultrasound on Thursday and that was a blast. He put on quite the show for us! He likes to do back somersaults and suck on his toes! Then I had my shower on Saturday. It was great! We pretty much have all the big stuff now, and just need a few more of the smaller things. I'm supposed to be having another shower for work, but we'll see. Last night we had an earthquake, which added a bit of excitement to the weekend! Then today I had another dr appointment. For the first time during my pregnancy my blood pressure fell into the normal range. Yay!!!! I'm also finally gaining weight at a steady pace, so he is glad about that. I go back in 3 weeks again (will be 34 weeks then), and then I start weekly appointments with weekly NST. I was expecting to change to every 2 weeks, but I guess he is just going to keep me on a 3 week schedule (as I've been during my entire time) until the 1 week appointments...

Also lately instead of feeling my little guy kick and punch, I've been feeling more rolls and somersaults. Dr said that is fine, but has anyone else noticed that???

Brandi & Casey - I know how you feel with feeling like you are being left out of everything. While I know being home and resting is the best thing right now, it does get hard to be laying around and not doing much. Thankfully the end is near! Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the rest now, because in a few weeks we won't be bored anymore!

Susan - I hope your dr will let you go home to do bedrest there. Since you live so close to the hospital, maybe he'll agree? Just hang in there a bit longer, as you're almost done!

Lisa - I'm with you on the heat! I'm so glad I don't have to spend the entire summer pregnant!

Hope everyone's week got off to a good start!

Dawn

[BC-Ashlee5455]

Susan,
Just a couple things & please please don't take these the wrong way. First of all I can't imagine how hard it must be away from your daughter, I was going to say that I know it must be hard, but I'm not in your situation but can imagine how tough it is! kudos for you for going through all of this. I work at a hospital so I guess knowing things from the other end--the staff end-- and I just wanted to let you know that when you leave AMA a lot of times your insurance company will not pay for your stay. I don't know if this is the case every time, but we do warn our patients of this before they leave AMA. I'd look into that first off. Secondly I know it must be frustrating to be woken up through the night but I don't think they would be doing it if they didn't need to. I always feel bad waking someone up for vitals, but its a must, and at certain times. I asked a night shift nurse one time if they have to wake patients up to do assessments and they said yes-- I think it's horrible that they have to, but they do, so just try to keep that in the back of your head. I like having things in my control so I know how frustrating it must be having things so out-of-control in your life. Keep thinking about that precious little girl & try to have faith that the doctors are doing the absolute best for you and your baby. If you don't feel like they're doing something right, don't hesitate to speak up about it and ask as many questions as it takes before you're comfortable with what they're doing. After all, this is 2 important lives we're talking about! Hang in there.. sending positive vibes your way

[jam3276]

Minxy,
I feel your pain completely. I have been in the hospital again for over 2 weeks now and it is killing me. The worst part is the lack of control or even prediction.
The goal weeks for the docs always are changing..So when I get used to the idea of having my cerclage taken out at 35 weeks and thus living normally, then then say..Well now we may hold it in to 36. They are looking at sending me home friday if I can get back on procardia without massive contractions..I want to be home because my son is becoming possessed with anger! His little 2 1/2 year old emotions don't know what to make of all this..He is with different people darn near everyday because daddy works and then needs to work at night for two hours twice a week..His grandparents take him a lot over the weekend so Jeff can get housework and laundry ,ect done for the next week. Everybody has different expectations of behavior...So all he can think of to do is scream some times..He never did this before now...
I too hate the food and lack of sleep. Most of all I hate that the docs all have different opinions. I love my docs though...don't get me wrong. I am so lucky to be in this place and time where I can have a healthy baby with their help.l am in agreement with Ashley, think before you leap on the AMA stuff. They want you their because they want to be able to respond ASAP. I had another friend who stayed until she birthed with your issue and it was told to her that they have need to be able to respond quickly if she ruptured. Everything went fine and she had her happy baby girl at 35 weeks. I myself am nervous about leaving on Friday. I really want to make it til 35 weeks and am afraid that things will happen so fast on procardia that they won't be able to stop it. I want to be home so that Jake has some time with mommy alone before baby Maren arrives. At the same time I really want Maren to be able to come home with us....So it is a hard place to be. I am thinking of you...BTW, I am a total pest when it comes to my food....that is the only thing I feel I have a say in.

[zaworas]

Ashley,

At the hospital I work for, they also do not cover your stay if a patient leaves AMA. That is the one thing we make sure patients are aware of before they make that decision. It is ultimately the patients dicision whether or not to leave. It is a personal decision.

Everyone,

My next appointment is Thursday to see how the boys are doing in there. My hospital bag and diaper bag is packed. The nursery is finished! SO if the docs say its time, or babies say its time... we are kinda ready.
Can you tell Im bored at home? lol Not for long!!

Take care girls, and keep the updates coming.

Casey

P.S> None of my maternity clothes fit now, and I wear the same 3X zip up teri cloth robe everyday. lol