Okay...don't faint when I ask you this but...

[babywhereareyou]

When are you all going to start the next round of baby making?!?!

I feel ready now except that I know for a fact that 7,8,or 9 months from now when I would be HUGE I would be totally regretting it as I tried to chase my mobile (by then) baby around the house. So, we are thinking we will probably start trying again next summer (and who knows how long it will take this round). For right now though, I am just going to enjoy every single moment with my our princess!

[DDVMM]

Well, I am done after 4, but after our first we started trying at 6m and I was pregnant when she was 8m and there is a 16m difference between my older girls. I love that difference in age - it was perfect for us! Of course we tried again, same plan, same timing but it didn't work for the third - we had 3 m/c's and there is a 2y 9m difference.

[adonis]

DH and I are going to discuss doing another IVF cycle in the early spring. He is not getting any younger at 46 and he is really worried about being too old for babies but we've pretty much agreed the spring so that we are not taking away from Aiden's first year

[yug]

I have mixed feelings.... We are not getting any younger either (I'll be 38 in the winter, DH is 42). My OB said to wait at least till 9months pp. Meanwhile, we are not protecting, but with our history and the rate we are BDing (ykwim?) I have doubts this will happen naturally. On the other hand, I'm a bit afraid to rob DD of the attention she needs the first couple of years, as I won't be able to pick her up for a while .

Anyway, we decided right now it's entirely in God's hands, but after 9 months we'll start actively "helping" Him

[AerynSun]

I had to use a surrogate and sperm donor to have DS. See, me and DH are carriers for a disease that kills within minutes of delivery, 1 in 4 chance of reoccurring. I went through IUI four times, my first one died in 2004, my second one died in 2006 due to placenta abruption, and now DS was via surrogate and sperm donor.
I'm experiencing a high amount of pressure and psychological manipulation from my mother for us to have another (I'm 39, DH is 46) and we're both saying no, because she insists on us using husband's sperm (again a big no, two failures is enough) and she's going so far as to calling me a "chicken", (well, she uses a worse word than that), she is making various comments about DS becoming "neurotic and lonely" because he will be an only child because we're deciding to say no (the last two stillbirths caused post partum depression for the second pregnancy.)
I don't want to go through using a surrogate again, bonding takes longer, as I'm finding. I'd rather concentrate on DS and ensure he lives a happy life and I will not discourage him to follow his dreams. He has cousins nearby him, by the way, the closest one being 7 months older than him.
I don't need this negativity, and very soon, neither does my DS.

[babywhereareyou]

AerynSun - Wow, you have been through a really tough time. I am so sorry for what you have had to go through as well as what you mom is currently putting you through.you are going through this. You're right, it could be damaging to your son if she keeps talking that way (name calling etc.) when he is old enough to understand. Try to help her understand that, and if she refuses to stop then she needs to understand that your son's protection will ALWAYS come first. It sounds like you are standing your ground though so that is good. It has to be so hard when family and friends don't understand the emotional nightmare you have been through, especially when they don't even seem to TRY to understand. I am so sorry but at the same time SO happy for you for having finally been blessed with a beautiful baby boy!

Yug - "actively helping" huh? Haha! Does that mean going through IUI again or simply timing things as best you can. Just wondering if we will be back on the IUI boards together or not.

[AerynSun]

Thanks, babywhereareyou. Any way I can deal with this though? besides me saying no? She's doing this because my other siblings have two children each and they didn't have to resort to IVF with ICSI or any sort of fertility treatment to have children.
Or am I going to resort to avoiding her? I don't believe in cutting family off, especially with children involved, they shouldn't be involved in adults' disputes, but there has to be limits set.

[bianca]

AerynSun, first off, a big hug to you. DH & I had decided after our first that we were not going to go through any further fertility tx & leaving it entirely to fate so when we were pushed with the sibling thing we commented very firmly to ppl that we were extremely grateful to be blessed with the 1 chd & that not everyone was even that lucky. That seemed to silence most ppl. In our case we were lucky enough to have 2 more blessings but that doesn't change my attitude to it. And chn should not be involved in adults disputes. We have IL issues & when they began to raise them in front of the chn we told them that if it didn't stop we would cut them off. They are still PITA but they are better in front of the kids now.

As to the original question, we're done at 3.

[babywhereareyou]

I wish I had better advice Aerynsun. It's hard when I don't know your mom's personality nor do I really know your relationship with her. However, I think you just need to stand FIRM (which it sounds like you are) and make sure she knows your feelings. Perhaps you could talk to her about how much it hurts you when she says those things? And if you feel there could ever come a point where she drags your son into this and would EVER make ANY derogatory remarks about him or the way in which he came into the world, then you should have a talk with her now and just make sure she is VERY clear about what the consequences would be (i.e. whatever you decide they should be...no more contact or whatever). I am actually a children's social worker (well, WAS. I am a stay at home mom now) and I cannot stress enough how damaging emotional abuse is for children. It is every bit as harsh as physical abuse and it is your job as his parent to protect him from that...whatever it takes. She needs to understand that. I do understand what you are saying about not wanting to sever ties with family. I think we should always make every attempt to work things out with family. However, there does come a point when tough decisions have to be made...and when abuse is involved (not saying it is now but IF)...then it's time. It's true what Dr. Phil says - that children would rather be from a broken home than live in one. Well, I guess the same would be true for extended family. Your little boy has two parents who love and adore him and "how" he got here should NEVER be used to make him feel inadequate in any way shape or form.

Anyway, it's all just my opinion but you asked so I gave it. I hope it helps a little. Take care!

[AerynSun]

babywhereareyou: She is the type who won't listen unless you say exactly what she wants to hear. Not an easy person to talk to. We'll just have to keep teling her "no" until she goes and fixates on something else.