Update on me....

[Sarah O]

Thanks kellbell. Yes we did have er and we have 9 eggs currently trying to get knocked up. After the drama of this cycle I am more anxious than normal.

[juls30]

hoping for a good fert report... fingers crossed!

[Sarah O]

So- only 2 of the 9 fertilized. Only 6 were mature, 2 eggs were "bad", and the other 2 didn't fertilize normally. I feel devastated. IF (which the 2 that fertilized didn't look great) there are any left on Wednesay they will put them back then. She didn't sound optimistic. I am not even going to have DH come to the ET if there is one. He has a big day at work on Wednesday and I would rather him make money to pay for another cycle....

Some things with IF are easier after having 1 baby, but some things are just as hard.

[juls30]

just hang in there Sarah! you never know... I'll be thinking of you.. Keep us posted!!

[Sarah O]

I thought ya'll would enjoy a funny story.....

So ignoring all well meaning advice I decided to POAS this morning. DH wants me to wait until beta so I had to sneak to do it. Today is only 10dpo so I knew I had to get first morning urine to have a chance of it working. So I woke up at 5 am to pee. Normally I could pee and go back to bed. But I got my adrenaline pumping worrying about POASing. Anyhow... I have been fussing at DH to change the light in the toilet closet room for months. We are just lazy and turn the light in in the main part of the bathroom. Since I couldn't turn the main light on, I had to turn my closet light (other side of bathroom) on and have just a tiny amount of light show in the bathroom. (Remember this is a covert operation.) I was so nervous holding the evil pee stick wondering what result would be. I MISSED THE ENTIRE **** PEE STICK IN THE DARK! I was too funny. I thought I was hitting it, but I am just too silly to even POAS right!!!!!! I couldn't go back to bed so read a trashy novel on my IPAD for an hour until it was time to get up. I guess the powers that be decided that 10dpo was just too early.

I am having cramps, fingers swollen etc. like I do for AF. Based on my super crappy embaby quality (4-6 cell d3t) and my symptoms, I am fairly sure I will be cancelling my vacation to do another crappy cycle in September. Can't fitting my ring on is a sure sign. When I had BFPs before I didn't swell up like I do for AF. At this point I don't really think seeing a BFN on the pee stick will really make me feel any worse. That is why I decided to do it. It will only potentially make me feel better.

[juls30]

Sarah-

I'm sorry to hear that you believe AF is on its way. I hope you are wrong, but glad you plan to cycle in Sept. if need be(bummer about cancelling a vacation!)...

BUT... I am crackin up envisioning you hiding in your closet in the dark trying to POAS! That is hilarious!!!! Fun mess to clean up, I imagine??

[kellbell]

Sarah..thinking of you. Any official news? (((hugs)))

[Sarah O]

BFN. I begged RE to let me in the next cycle so I start stims again on 8/27. Sigh......... I did not think I would be going through this again when I started in January. We are off insurance now too, so the costs are awful. If this one doesn't work we are going to take a break and reevaluate.

Thanks for your support.

[kellbell]

So sorry to hear this, Sarah. I hope that this next cycle works for you. I remember the pain and frustration. Hugs. Have you considered getting a second opinion from a different RE. I switched REs after my 2nd failed IVF and I think I just needed some fresh perspective on my case. Just something to think about. Again, sorry for the bfn.

[Sarah O]

Kellbell-

We are going to try one more time with this RE. Since I had DS with him I feel weird leaving. If this next cycle doesn't work we are going to go to Colorado. I will still have to see my RE for F/Us though. It will be super weird....... Hopefull this cycle will work though. I started stims on Friday And had my first bw today- estrogen was only 31 after 3 days of stims. RE said would like it to be closer to 100. I am already on 5 vials of menapur a day (in addition to dexamethasone). They want me to add another vial of menapur (to 6 total) and 2 vials a day of Bravelle! I am already on so many drugs that I wake up all night sweating and can't sleep. This many hormones CAN'T be good for you long term. Sigh............ At least I have enough Bravelle left over from last cycle. I will have to order more stinking menapur at $500 box!! Of course I would pay way more than that if you knew it was going to work! I am so nervous and anxious that this will be another failed cycle. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers!!!!