husband not supportive enough during IVF/FET(venting!)

[mich2730]

Hi, all...

So here I am, trying to do this, seemingly on my own. I'm in CA while DH is in MD. Oh yeah, he came here to donate his sperms, but since we weren't able to transfer after retrieval, I'll be here for a few more weeks for the FET. He didn't make it to the retrieval as it was delayed and his flight was scheduled the day before the ER. So, I had to ask my brother to drive me afterwards.

Last week, I went through hysteroscopy, also to remove some cervical polyps, which the clinic would ordinarily give GA to, but because I didn't have anyone to drive me, I had no choice but to do it under local. Maaaannnn!!! Did that hurt! Although I tried to be brave and told myself to shut up, and wait til you have to go through childbirth, then this is nothing! Still, I couldn't help my tears from falling.

So DH tells me that he couldn't come for the FET, and that I could drive myself anyway, right? Well, I told him that I needed him to be here with me. Didn't he realize that we've just "created" our child(ren) and that in effect, I'll be conceiving with the FET???

But then I got so upset that I told him that I'll find a way of doing this all by myself! Heck! I have been doing this by myself, anyway.

Anyway, sorry for venting. I suppose my DH doesn't have a clue that even after all those many times I told him how stressed I feel, and how stressful IVF and FET were.

Does anybody else out there feel as alone as I do?

[tk87]

As much as husbands are in the process with you, truthfully, it can be a lonely and difficult process for us women. Between the procedures, meds, injections, emotional difficulty, physical difficulty, etc. that we endure, we're put through the wringer. As much as my husband says he tries to understand, he can't. I've told him that he wouldn't last a day in my shoes. Essentially, we are human guinea pigs in the fertility process (it often feels that way) and only someone in the process can understand what it all entails. I wish I could do something to help you . . . I've found that being able to talk to others on this website has helped me more than anything else. I wish you tons of luck and baby dust - I hope you soon get some great news!

egg retrieval: 6/29
transfer: 7/2 (2 embryos transferred)
1st beta will be on 7/11

[BC-Faith32]

Mich2370-- Girl, don't worry-- you are not alone in feeling at some point during IVF that your husband is a complete and utter moron. They say the dumbest things and have no TRUE understanding of what is happening. My favorite line my DH says that makes me wanna knock him is "Just be positive" or "This time we are going to think positive". Really gets under my skin, because that is EXACTLY what I am trying to do dummy. At the end of this IF roller-coaster you will still love him. It is mostly the hormones that make us react stronger than usual and they are not intentionally trying to be a jerk, they just are in a strange place of this whole process. I know my DH feels he is just a sperm donor and that's all he's good for during this. I try to be understanding that we are all going through a tough time and I try not to say anything I will regret after my hormones are back to normal. Just know you are not alone in this. I have seen COUNTLESS posts here of women saying the same thing as you! hehe

[KimAtFertilityAuthority]

So sorry you are feeling that way. It is true...we feel like we are going through so much with IVF and the emotional toll is so great....we just want our SOs to see the same significance we do in little things like "when our child is conceived" etc. It definitely feels like we carry more of the IF load since we are the ones cycling. Big ((hugs))

[Adrienne]

Mine was much like yours and it was so frustrating. 11 years later, he wants me to go to his MD appts and even waited to get a hip xray until we could go with him.....arrrrrggghhh!

You are not alone! When I actually got pg, a girlfriend was with me on that appt.......

[mich2730]

Thanks a lot, everyone... I truly appreciate your understanding. This is the reason why I come here, even just to browse. Nobody really understands what we go through unless you're going through the same. It's hard enough going through infertility treatments, and even harder when you don't have the support from your husband.

tk87-- I'm really excited for you! Please let me know how your beta went. I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs and many

Faith32-- You're right! Sometimes my husband's mouth just rattles off without coordinating with his brain. He's good at pretending he understands me, though. Thanks for posting. Your response made me laugh, and really, that's what I've been trying to do. Be positive, be happy, be relaxed. In the end, this is really just about me, my body and my embabies finding their way back to "home" and making it through.

Kim-- Thanks for the hugs. Strangely enough, I kinda feel them when someone sends me hugs. I know they're just words, but it really makes a difference when you know that someone is trying to make you feel better. back at ya!

BC-- Men can be such babies, sometimes. But who will "baby" us when we need it? Sigh... and to think we're wanting babies, hahaha! Our husbands will still be our babies long after our kids have gone off to college!

Thanks a lot for making me feel like I'm not alone in this. I had my US and E2 this morning. My RE told me I'm having my FET on the 7/17, and my husband will not flying over. He jokingly told me "can you just send me the pregnancy test result?" Ugh!!! I didn't know how to respond to that so I said nothing.

Anyway, I've come to accept that I'll be alone for the FET and there's some peace now, because I'm not expecting anything anymore. It doesn't take away the disappointment or the longing, but I hope he'll be around for everything else after.

Many, many hugs to you all, my virtual sisters, and may the baby dust be with us all. Thank you

[tk87]

mich2730,

I had my first beta today: it was 25! Much better than my last cycle (first beta last cycle was only 5) and my doctor was very satisfied (it was only 9 days post 3 day transfer). I wish you tons of luck and sticky vibes!

[KimAtFertilityAuthority]

I know it is hard to frame it like this right now, but your H will be there for so many other events during treatment and beyond. Try to think positively

[mich2730]

tk!!! I'm sooo happy for you! You must be ecstatic! Wow... Thanks for letting me know. I love reading about all these BFP's .

Kim, thanks. Although those times may come, I'm really needing my husband's presence and support right now. However, you're right! I need to be positive and calm, and try to be happy under the circumstances.


So, I'm gearing up for my FET on tuesday--- that is what's getting me excited right now. Although I'm dreading every PIO shot, I simply can't wait. When that happens, then I won't be "alone" anymore. My embabies will be with me

[tk87]

mich2730--

Good luck with your FET. I'm sending lots of sticky vibes and baby dust your way! Also, don't worry about the PIO injections. I was terrified at first (hate needles!) but it really isn't that bad and is not really painful. The worst of it is the emotional side effect. Whenever I do my PIO injection, I always say "here's my daily dose of crazy!" (PIO makes me crazy emotional). I'm having my next beta on Monday, wish me luck!