is it time to give up?

[nithu]

Hello Ladies
Need your honest opinion here, as I am loosing my mind and wasting my life

Child mentioned
After 4 years of struggle and multiple miscarriages I had a baby boy in 2009. through IVF1. My diagnosis is unexplained/PCOS possibly. Embryo's were 5AB, 4AB grade at 32 years

Now for the past 3 years struggling with 3 IVFs and 3 FET all with failed with either a chemical pregnancy or the most recent miscarriage yesterday(at 8 weeks after seeing a heartbeat).
The first 2 IVF ended with excellent 15 embryos on day 3 to zero embryos on day 5.
RE switched to antagonistic protocol and asked me to lose some weight( i am not obese, I am 5'2'' ~126 lbs) and I did. I took Acupuncture and had ~7 embryos on the most recent IVF, with egg quality of 6AA, 5AA, 5AB all in failed fresh cycle and the FET (6AA, 5AA) yielded in a pregnancy and failed yesterday with a d&c. With most recent cycle the quality seems to have improved but it is still failure and tons of heartache. Is it time to give up and just focus on the one baby that I have?
Been very unhappy and loosing perspective all together and I am going nuts here.
I need a closure....but don't have the mind to accept this and move on. All of my family and friends think I am obsessed with this and I am crazy and need to move on.
Why is this happening - with so called good quality embryos? What the heck could possibly be wrong with all excellent embryos that they don't work?
What do I do now?

thanks a lot for listning

[SC-Impatient_in_VA]

Your embryos sound great to me. I think it's time to seek a 2nd opinion and see if another RE may be able to find a reason why you keep having so much heartache. Perhaps it's not the fault of the embryos at all, but an immune issue of some sort or a clotting disorder. I hope someone else will chime in with ideas!

[castleterri]

Hi nithu,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is definately a hard and constant struggle to decide whether or not to take a break or quit IVF, only you can make that decision for yourself. As for the quality of your embyos- they do sound great! I think you should definately focus on the little one you have right now and you don't have to decide on whether to stop trying forever, maybe just take that all needed break to recover emotionally and physically from your recent loss.

Good luck girl, I hope your feeling a little better today.

[nithu]

Thanks Ladies for your supportive words.

[jkph]

Maybe you might want to try PGD to test for chomosomal abnormalities to see if that is the reason for your miscarriages.

[heatherfla]

nithu--i am very, very sorry for what you are going through. i get it too, because my embryos always "looked" good too in the lab. my suggestions: PGD, consult with a new clinic (CCRM?) or consider donor eggs, which you may or may not be open to at this point. i wish you the best of luck.

[BC-Faith32]

nithu-- I am very sorry for all your heartache and struggles. I have also unexplained with 3 failed cycles, 1 being chemical, and all my embryos were great! No fragmentation, already hatching, etc etc. I do think it is time for you to get a second opinion from a different clinic before throwing in the towel. I am staying at this clinic for 1 FET and possibly 1 Fresh with PGD, then I am moving on also...

[nithu]

thanks ladies...will seek 2nd opinion and look into PGD

[missdixie33]

I agree with the others that said get a second opinion. My husband and I did and I felt so much better afterwards. If nothing else, it will confirm what you're being told.

I'm a little confused as to why you had to lose weight when you're already within a normal weight. I know sometimes if you're over or underweight, they'll suggest something, but you're okay.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

I don't think 'obsessed' is the right word- you're just stuck on this infertility road and it's hard for people that don't have problems to really understand. They can sometimes be a bit callous with their words and probably don't mean to be. My own parents get overwhelmed when I tell them just a part of our issues and they say they can't imagine having to deal with it every waking moment. But stress is a big factor, so you definitely need to find outlets to release that.

Keep in mind that you were able to have a child already. That doesn't guarantee another, but you have proven fertility. That's a big plus on your side.

Just take a deep breath and, yes, enjoy your child, but know that you're not crazy to keep trying. If 2 or more doctors say it's impossible based on your medical issues, then you consider other options. But you need to get some of this stress off your shoulders- regardless of what the outcome is.

[nithu]

thanks missdixie33.
The problem is my doctor is not giving up on me, he believes, things will workout in a few tries. I am feeling hopeless here. Having tried 3 ivf and 3 FET, I am not sure what is going to change in the coming cycles.
For the weight loss, I am 5'2 and I was 126lbs at my first ivf, during the last 2 years I had gained ~8 lbs and so was asked to lose ~10 pounds and that could help the quality. It did seem to produce much better embryos but ultimately nothing worked.
With the latest IVF, I had 7 embryo (RE wanted less number and so was this number, usually I have 12-15) out of which 2 were 5Ab, 4AA and 3 made it to FET with 6AA, 6AB, 5AB and this FET ended in miscarriage after hearing a heartbeat. If things fails with so called great embryos I don't know what else can help.
At the time of my first child, the embryo was a 5AB, 5AA and one worked out.

I just turned 36 few days ago and that is causing more worry to me. I had my first son at 33.My RE says 35 is not a magic number when everything starts to go bad, but there will be a gradual descend. I have had issues from 28 years of age and I don't know how much worst it has gotten with my age now