New and Having a Tough Time - First Failed IVF

[Hez24]

Hi

I am new to this board. I started posting on the IUI board about 6 months ago, but had to stop because I was getting too upset and at the time did better with denial. Now I realize that I just need some support. I think I have trouble posting because I was lucky several years ago and got pregnant with my son Ethan after my 5th IUI. Now I have had 4 failed IUIs with injectibles and just got the results back from my first IVF - BFN.

I knew it was a BFN days before the test. I just kept lightly bleeding like my body was telling me that it wanted me to begin my AF, but the progesterone was letting it. So anyway, by the time I got the results I had already been crying a little each day for about 4 days. I keep thinking I will get over it, but I don't seem to be. I feel like an emotional wreck. I hate this feeling of crossing out one of my finite amount of chances. My history:

Me - 36
Husband - 34
Unexplained infertility
2006: 3 IUIs with clomid all BFN
2 IUIs with injectibles, 1st BFN, 2nd BFP!
2007: My son Ethan was born
I have been trying ever since
2009: 4 IUIs with injectibles all BFN
3 IUI cycles cancelled due to cysts, one for too many follicles
1 IVF BFN (17 eggs, 4 were mature, 3 fertilized, 2 were good quality embryos and were transferred)

Anyway, my doctor left a message today because I asked a lot of questions when I spoke with my nurse. She said that based upon how this cycle went, she thinks I have a much bigger problem with egg quality than she originally thought. That really does not make me feel better at all. We are going to start up again. I just got my AF, so I will start BCPs in a couple days. I just hate going through all of this. I am really sensitive to the BCPs and Lupron. Last time I had headaches pretty much every single day. Not looking forward to the next month.

I hope I can help support the rest of you here as well. I was on the old resolve board last time (2006) and I felt like the support I received really saved my sanity. Good luck to everyone! I hope you all receive BFPs!!

Thanks,
Heather (Hez24)

[barren-bipolar]

So sorry for your loss, Heather. You came to the right place.

Take the time to grieve. This is TOUGH stuff you are going through. I think it's normal to feel like we're getting over it, only to be hit by another wave of strong emotions... grief is like that.

Having a child doesn't mean that infertility and the feelings you struggle with aren't significiant... they are! I admire mothers who have the stamina and organization to be able to go through cycling while taking care of a child at the same time. Honestly, I don't know how you do it... so hats off to you!

Is the RE going to change anything for next time you cycle? Have you found anything online that helps with egg quality? I'm researching metformin, DHEA, wheatgrass, eating more protein, and I think there was something else... gotta look at my notes.

I hope your headaches get better. A friend of mine said that the acupuncture she went through for IF also helped alleviate her migraines.

Hang in there, girl. We will get through this together!

[tenseintexas]

Heather- your post made me so sad. I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It brought back so many memories of the days I went through, when I felt 100% defeated and the crying and asking, why me!!???? Man, this situation ( yours and all of our) is just sucky. no other word to realy describe it. I am so sorry that your IVF was a bust. I am betting IVF negatives are gharder than an IUI negative, because our hopes are up higher.

I have some of the same questions---is your RE going to change your protocol?? Surely they are since they egg quality is a bigger issue now.

I dont have too many good words of wisdom-I just wanted to let you know I was feeling for you and wish you all the best.

[MichelleXOXO]

Hi Heather -
Hang in there girl Back in May I was in exactly your situation -- trying to deal with a very emotional BFN. Things will get better and the best thing to do is deal and grieve your current situation...without doing that you will never be able to move forward with a renewed spirit. Also, try and understand as much as you can about different options available to you. My first cycle I used Follistim and got 14 eggs, this go'round I used Follistim and Menopur and ended up with 22 mature eggs, a BFP, plus 10 frozen embies -- ask your RE about adding Menopur to your protocol. Also, I used co-culture this time around and I think that also helped my fertilization.

Tense - How are you? I remember going throught the cycle in May with you. I'm glad to see all is well with you!

[lila]

Hi Heather- I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I definitely understand the pain and loss you are feeling and I hope things will get better for you. While I haven't experienced a bfn with ivf I have had numerous bfn's with iui and have suffered 2 miscarriages by ivf w/ icsi. I just want to tell you it will get better for you, I promise. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up and try to move on as I have been to h*** and back again more times than I'd like to believe, but eventually you will find the courage and experience happiness again. I am currently on bcp for my 2nd ivf and am feeling better after speaking with my re and going over the changes for this ivf. With my first ivf only 7 follicles matured enough to produce eggs b/c my old re was afraid to overstim me so now I am going through it again and I want to make sure we are doing everything we can to produce more eggs. My re has increased my dose of follistim and added menapur. I am hopeful that I will get pregnant again as I know you will become hopeful too. I am here if you need someone to talk to and I am so sorry for you loss and pain. Also, I do acupuncture which really helps me to feel better and more calm. I do recommend it. I believe it has helped me to in having a better outlook on things as difficult as it is.

Michele- thanks for posting about your added menapur, that helps me to feel more confident for my upcoming cycle!

[sthang6]

Heather- I can totally feel your pain. The BFN with IVF really is harder. I think it's becasue we go through so much for it. It will get better for you and you will get your BFP. I would sit down with RE and really discuss al of your questions. That always made me feel better. Aks what they will do differently. In my case they did different things befpre ET, but neve really changed my meds. I guess 4 was my lucky number, although I wish it was a lot lower. Hang in there...