Update on IVF#2BooHoo

[TinyTrudy]

Well...I was not able to find the thread from Chana looking for an update soooooo....I figured I would start a new one. First of all I would like to thank those that asked about me. Yes...I am actually IVF#2BooHoo. For personal reasons I jus didn't really want anyone to know about my second IVF cycle. Maybe because I knew it was going to be a complete disaster!! Here's the story in a long complicatied nut shell so bare with me. lol

When I last left off my P4 was like 19 something the day after my HCG and they decided the day of my ER (i mean I was about to get knocked out and I find this out) that they were going to retreive fertilze and freeze. WELL.....out of the 14 eggs they retreived...sadly enough only 7 were mature, out of the 7 only 4 fertilized properly. We decided to proceed with a fresh transfer dispite my feelings that it just wouldn't work. Heart broken that a cycle that was just so awful was not cancelled. I knew in my heart that days before hand I should have been more forceful and cancelled the cycle however I really wanted my RE to make that call because they kind of made me feel guilty for even thinking about it.
Moving right along, needless to say 4 embryo's to work with at such a young age is very hard to deal with. I was living day by day waiting for the update on how my embryo's were doing. Day 2 all were doing great, 3 were @ 4 cells and 1 at 2 still day 3 (day of the transfer) I ended up transferring 5 Yes 5 embryos. Not of good quality though, only 2 were pretty much good. Confused? let me explain. We opted to thaw out a blast from a previous cycle (beautiful day 6 expanding blast) because there was a chance my lining was advanced anyway and also because of the embryo quality we knew we really didn't have a shot anyawy. The only other good embryo we transferred was a 8 cell compacting embryo, then after that we had a 6 cell with little fragmentation, a 5 cell with 20% fragmentation, and I believe if i'm not mistaken another 5 cell same fragmentation, then a 4 cell that was considered "half" an embryo. Whatever!
The transfer went great..as opposed to my first one that was surrounded by pain and blood, this time nothing, the cath went right in didn't feel a thing. I laid there listenining to my IVF cd trying to cling to hope that I knew just wasn't there. I decided not to come back and update the boards, mostly out of fear and maybe embarassment of how bad the cycle went. The fear that my eggs are going bad was probably the main factor. Maybe I wasn't ready to admit to others what I couldn't admit to myself. Now I know after speaking with another RE that it wasn't really my eggs but a reflection of a poor stimulation protocal among othe things. The dosage of medicationl i was on was too high and the fact that only one ovary responded did not make it for ideal cycle and really a good RE would have cancelled the cycle. Oh well hindsite is a
I ended up with AF the day before my beta. I did a HPT and it was negative...called the office and said basically I was done. No harsh words to say about them because I have a friend that was 3 days behind me and thankfully her cycle did work. So, now i'm going to see Dr. Check.
I hear that Dr. Check is "out there" and that's ok...lol He has done studies and published articles on elevated P4 prior to HCG and if anyone can help me why not goto someone that has actually done research on the subject? Plus he does immune testing and my RE pooh pooh's the idea. In the mean time, I continue to be thankful for good friends, and a great family I know will always be there for me. I continue to do yoga, and have now added Qi Gong and Femoral Massage and thought about going to a Retreat run by Dr. Radine Lewis of Eastern Harmony however i have not got that far yet. Right now it's all about relaxing and getting things taken care of around the house. lol
I do thankfully have IVF coverage, it's limited but it is better than nothing. I have looked into two other jobs in the area that offer coverage and will be sending my resume over sometime shortly. My job is stressful and I believe that may have something to do with my lack of ability to relax. Christopher and I talked about it and it's better for me to take a pay cut and be happy then make money and be miserable. lol
So thank you everyone that was wondering about me. The people that knew I was IVF#2BooHoo I thank you for keeping my privacy, to my friends that did not know I apologize....I guess I just didn't want to let anyone down again. I didn't even tell my own mother what was going on. (yeah i really heard about that though...lol she was not happy. lol) Sooooooo....when will my next IVF be? Ah who knows. For now i'm floating around keeping an eye on my girls and praying that everyone get's a bfp and for those who do not I pray you have the strength to carry on.

[TKC]

Trudy, I am so sorry you had to endure such a experience.....I am happy to hear you are moving on to another RE, and I hope you do find a job WITH benefits but LESS stressful! You are loved, and I truly doubt anyone will blame you for not posting.....I am rooting for you and feel very confident you will BEAT IF!

take care sweetie, and HUGS!

Theresa

[SomedayMommy]

She's out! She's out! Good. I don't have to watch myself! Oh, Trud, I'm so glad that you came out to talk about your cycle. And I'm so sorry that it didn't work!!!! Yes, it certainly does not sound to me like you have an embie quality issue. A 6 day expanding blast? HOLY CRAP! I hope that Dr. Check will be able to find what's going on with your P4 levels and how to get them under control! It seems as though you have a new found optimism, and rightfully so!!

[chana]

I only have a second to post..school is awaiting. I am so sorry about your cycle. I have been thinking about you so much these past few weeks. Our schedules were so similar. I also had a BFN..my 5th cycle.
I will post more laster.
Thinking of you.
Jennifer

[KarenS-MI]

I'm glad you finally felt comfortable "coming out". I wish you didn't feel like you were letting anyone down though. You're NOT a let down, not at all.

I'm sorry that your cycle went the way it did & even more sorry that it was your RE's fault.

I hope that when you see Dr. Check, he's able to help you & that your next cycle will be a wonderful cycle, ending with the pregnancy you've been dreaming about having. Please don't feel that you're letting anyone down again though, ok? We're all here for you, we all care for you & we all want to wish you the best!!!

Karen

[vixen22]

Trudy I'm sorry your cycle didn't work and I'm sorry that you had a prick for a doctor hun, (excuse the expression) I really am

I sincerely hope that this new doc can help you both acheive your dream....keep us posted and good luck

[momwannabe]

Trudy,
I'm sorry the cycle was so stressful and a complete bust. It definitely sucks!
Sending lots of hugs your way and I hope that you will be able to relax a bit while waiting for your next steps with Dr. Check. I'm rowing along in a similar boat as you right now, and am trying to focus on DH and I while we wait until the summer to maybe cycle again with a different RE if a miracle doesn't happen between now and then.
Take care, my friend.
Robin

[little t]

I am so glad that you posted. I have been thinking about you and wondering what was going on. I am also glad that I don't have to "be careful" any longer. If I would have slipped and let the cat out of the bag, I would have been devestated!!! You did not have to hide from us Trudy. We are your friends honey. Let us be here for you to help you with your stress next time okay?

Now, about your cycle. I am so sorry that it did not turn out the way you wanted to. Please don't let your RE tell you it is your eggs. A LOT has to do with the protocol just like Dr Check said. We just have to get you on the right one is all. That is what my RE in Vegas even said to us. We have yet to have the "perfect" embie and I pray that the protocol change the 4th time for us will create one.

I know that when we first became cycle buddies back in January 2004 getting ready to cycle in March, we did not ever dream we would turn out to be IVF Veterans together. Well, here we are. It is hard seeing those that we started out with get those BFPs that they so deserve. Trudy....we will make it there sweetie!! I will pray for you and you remember me and pray for me okay? I am planning on doing my last cycle in October. Maybe we can go at it together again Trudes!! If we both fight that IF monster together we might just kick him to the ground!!! You just take all the time you need. When you and Chris decide to go for it again, I will be here for you!!

Hang in there girlie!!! You are a trooper. And please don't hide again!! By the way, who was the first one to figure you out?

[Miriam]

Trudy,
I'm so sorry to hear how your cycle ended. Glad to hear you are on the right track by changing doctors.

I had no idea that you were IVF#2boohoo.
Miriam

[Misty]

Dear Trudes
I am sooo sorry that IVF 2 didn't work for you! I wish you would have told us- we are together through it all- thick and thin!

I am VERY glad you are going to see Dr Check. You will remember we saw him in 5/02. He is rather eccentric (have you seen his office yet?! ---very interesting!) but did you know that I hold him partially responsible for my 3 kiddos here?! He told me to screw the docs here in Pgh and to increase the Progesterone to at least 200mgs per day (they only had me on 50mg here). So for that successful IVF cycle you might recall I was Rx'd only 1cc of PIO but based on my conversation w/Dr Check I took it upon myself LOL to double my dose to 2cc PIO per day. And I really think that is one of the things that helped w/our success (that and acupuncture!- have you tried that yet, I can't remember?!).

So when do you see him? Please please fill us in when you do! Oh be prepared, he handed me about 30 IF articles to read when we had the consult w/him. He was funny- pulling all kinds of papers out all over the place.
(Edited to remove sig and av- sorry about that!)