IVF journey near end-When do we start the Adoption process?

[Lynda-PA]

Hi Rhonda - Happy to be of help! We would HIGHLY recommend the agency we used for our second adoption. They are Kids First out of Indianapolis IN. The director there is Inna Pecar. They provide lots of structure and hand-holding through the process - something I probably would have taken for granted except that it was completely lacking our first time around. I also love that once you are home, they don't drop you. We get invited to annual parties and picnics, we receive news letters and updates on the humanitarian work that is ongoing in Russia for the countless children who are never adopted. We are hoping to eventually make it to IN to meet Inna and the staff in person - we did everything over the phone and through the mail. Everything went smoothly. Our dds are not biologically related, but they look alot alike! They both have medium blond hair, just one has waves and one is straight - and one has brown eyes and one has blue-green eyes. If we were younger, I'd love to go back and do it all over again. A big "ha-ha" today - I had a physical and I'm "late" - well, at 45 I'm pretty happy with my family, but my doc felt like I was a bit "swollen" and wanted to do a pg test. My bloodpressure really jumped! My youngest would be thrilled, but my older dd decidedly would NOT! She already hates sharing me (although she really loves her little sis - they are inseparable). Thank goodness it was neg - I was laughing in my head thinking of the post I would have been putting on this bb!!!

You and your dh sound like me and mine. We had decided to have at least two, maybe three kids. And had always planned to adopt one. It was something that came to us with great certainty after we each watched different programs about adoption but on the same evening (while he was traveling for work) and long before we knew we would have IF troubles. Even if your timing was interrupted because of a happy pg, you would only need to update your homestudy - I can't imagine it working against you under the circumstances that you have always planned to adopt.

Best wishes and keep us posted!
Lynda

[rjc0704]

Lynda - You never know, I know women who naturally conceived at age 45/46, when doctors told them it wouldn't happen. My DH adoptive parents ttc forever and moved on to adoption. DH was a year old when she suprisenly conceived.

I can't thank you enough for the recommendation. I did see them on the ratings list and had them marked for research!

I think we ARE going to start the Home Study process for international. Like you said, it's a head start and if we need to update it later, we will.

Another Question: What is the match process like? Do they present you with 1 child or several, or do they have photlistings once you are referred? We aren't picky, I'm just curious.



PS - Sorry for so many questions! Many blessings to your family in 2010!

[rjc0704]

MarieL - Thank you so much for all your help. All your responses have been very helpful. Your children are beautiful!

Thanks for you honesty. It is really helping us decide to go the international route. I don't want to risk waiting forever to be matched, only to have a failed adoption. At my age of 43, we don't have time on our side and we would like to adopt as young as possible, before 18 months if possible.

Thanks for the link to HAPS! I will add them to my research list!

Many blessings for your family in 2010!

[Chrissii]

Welcome, Rhonda! So glad to see here! You received some great info from the ladies all ready! As for the match process, or referral process, I think most programs identify one child, as a referral. Photolistings are available with some programs, especially waiting children. You aren't being "picky", and you can specify some details of the child, like age, needs, and gender(although there are some agencies who don't allow you to choose gender).
We've adopted six babies, in three years. Each adoption was done individually, although most of the time we weren't done with one, and starting another. You are right, adoption isn't for the faint of heart. After our first adoption, we swore we were done! It was a difficult process for us! Six months later, we were on the way home with another baby, and three months after that, yet another baby! I believe God grants the true desires of the heart, and He sometimes knows better than we do, what they are!

Happy 2010...it's sure to be a great year for you!

[Jami]

Hi Rhonda
We used 3 different agencies....Florida Home Studies and Adoptions; Commonwealth, and Celebrate Children International. For the most part our experiences were very positive. I would be more than happy to give you additional details if you want to PM or e-mail me. Best of Luck again.

[Lynda-PA]

Hi again! It is always very exciting to have someone who is starting the process! I believe most agencies offer you one referral to consider at a time. We were offered and declined to review a referral in our first adoption because our facilitator at the time advised us to wait because that baby had Hep C - as it turned out, a few months later, we discussed two referrals' medical info and asked to be sent the info for our dd. In the meantime, she had learned more about Hep C and after doing our own research we accepted our dd with a Hep C test. She had totally cleared these maternal antibodies by 12 months when she was retested here in the states, and the vast majority of kids do. We reviewed a child was referred to us with our second adoption and declined that referral because we just both felt strongly that she wasn't the child meant to join our family. (We know the family that adopted her and she is doing great and looks so much like that mom its amazing! They were obviously meant to be together also!) We received our dd's referral about a week later and again knew instantly that she was meant to be ours! Inna really makes an effort to match the child to the family and screens referrals to rule out red flags on health and such.

We have two close friends in our family that had their last babies at 44 and 45! I would have been up for it at either of those ages - really and truly! But I'm 45 1/2 now, and so if I got pg the baby would be born with me at 46 and my dh at 53- almost 54! He asked me to have our kids be done high school by the time he is 65 and I thought that was fair. Another one right now would really be a surprise! (But honestly, I would be excited as well as scared out of my mind if it happened! I'm just not hoping anymore since my docs have told me my fsh is now in the "menopause" range. So why do I still need AF???? )

Keep us posted on your progress and always feel free to ask lots of questions! We've all been in your shoes!
Hugs to you and Happy New Year! This may be your last New Years spent as a two-some!
~Lynda

[Feliz]

Hi Rhonda

Congrats on your decision.....hope this year brings a child to your life, whichever route it may be. I am also a Russia mommy and you can see my timeline in my siggy. I had a great exp. in the Russia program and my agency is also pretty great. EAC out of Ohio. They are huge in Russia and bring many kiddos home each year. I am single so my journey was slightly different and IF did not play any part in my decision...I just felt that IA was the way to go for me.

As for language issues I had some bumps in the road....my dd came home at 17 months with some developmental delays...most of which solved quickly except for language....we hadve had EI and Lang. therapy for almost 4 years now and she is almost caught up...she is bright, lovely, gentle, affectionate and very well attached...so toddler adoption is wonderful too......

Good luck and ask any questions you like.

Claud