Why are you adopting IA when there are so many needy kids here in the US?

[samba2006]

Aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am soooooo sick of this question as it is a no brainer to me...but I am curious how many of you have dealt with this question.

My DH and I looked into Domestic seven years ago prior to my twins being born (via mulitple drugs, and IVF medical interventions) Due to so many stupid things age, past marriage, job travel, no immediate family bla bla bla we were not deamed highly desirable or likely to get picked by a birth mom and given our jobs would not be desireable for foster adopt...so we opted for IVF...and got really really lucky. The idea of adoption has never left either of us so we've decided to go ahead and move on to predictable adoption without the red tape and politics of US adoption. We just do not have it in us to have to market ourselves in the domestic world and we never cared about adopting a "white" child ...we were always open to whatever... we decided on China....

How is everyone else dealing with this subject? Insight and wisdom always welcome!

Samba in Sac

[AmyP]

This question really irritates me too - to me it's sort of like "when did you stop beating your wife" - the presumptions are both faulty and outrageous. One good way to deal with questions like this is to answer them with a question. "Why do you ask?" or a quiet but firm - "This is the right decision for our family."

I would never go on the defensive or try to explain my reasoning.

[spring]

If I feel like being civil to the person who asks, I tell them simply that I believe *all* children deserve families, not just children in the US, and that my heart was drawn to China. Depending on the person, I might talk to them a bit about how I felt seeing first-hand the challenges that people outside the US face. I don't want to downplay the challenges that face children raised in foster care in the US at all, but most children in the US have adequate food, access to medical care and public education until they are 17 - many orphans in other parts of the world do not.

If it's a person that I'm annoyed with, I usually shoot back with "And exactly HOW many children have YOU adopted?"

Best wishes,

spring

[mellymom]

I sadly can answer them.......

after 3 long, fruitless years of fostercare.......we had children move out of the home...... some we requested info on we were told were undesirable for our home or us for the child.....some we started on, and then nothing happened......promises offered by 'professionals' never materialized........counties in our state do not work well with each other~~~OR NOT AT ALL!!

I know I glare and exude anger when EVER asked that question. My answer is that our country is SO SCREWED UP, trying to find the perfect situation, or just alot of covering their butts, or worse yet......just self serving people. (I had a friend spend TWICE what my Guatemalan adoption cost, just for her domestic adoption, due to attys and birthparents)

Now, I'm doing it again, I am having a better experience, but I must say, I am constantly looking over my shoulder, expecting another shoe to drop or whatever. Luckily I've had good workers and great kids, and some parents that really want it to work out to take care of the kids.

hang on, look at the idiots like you do at the monkeys in the zoo......

melanie

[MarieL]

Because my children were in Guatemala...

[billysmom]

My answer depends on where the person is coming from. If they are accusatory then I don't answer directly but ask, "Tell me about your domestic adoption. I love adoption stories!" in my most interested tone. If they are truly interested in domestic ys. international then I tell them the reasons we selected IA.

[capeach]

I agree that the answer totally depends on how the question is being asked. Why does one child deserve a home more than others? Why does the asker feel it's my moral obligation to adopt a US citizen? As an Americans we have the right to choose how we build our families.

The few times we were asked this, we told that we had looked into adopting a baby domestically, and were told we were too old. They seemed satisfied by the answer. I did have a family member, who is from Peru, ask why we didn't adopt from there, as there were lots of children in Peru who needed homes. I sometimes wish I had asked her if she and her husband were planning to adopt from there.

[blessed]

I have responded to folks about this in the past. I usually say "It sounds like adopting a child from the US is on your heart, why don't you do it?" In both situations these were people very close to us either family or good friends. Both responded that maybe they would. But neither was really serious.

I think it helps them walk around in that decision for a while, I think it helps them see what they are asking-- neither person has brought it up again.

But it is a very annoying question.

Overall, we have had a very positive experience with the people we have interacted with. For the most part, no one really asks us questions. The question I get the most is are all those kids yours? I think that question stems from the sheer number of kids.

One othe comment that drives me crazy, "You sure have your hands full." Usually stated when we are out and one or more of the kids is acting up. That is a statement I receive as judging and hurtful. My sister hears it alot too. She has seven kids. She finally came up with a good retort. When someone says "You've got your hands full." She says, "Oh, but you should see my heart."

[Darci]

I personally like the "why do you ask" answer for questions that seem posed just to be intrusive.

If the person seems genuinely interested, I will answer their questions and give them more information.

I have also used Maries answer - "because my son was in Guatemala!"

[Mark_1125]

Good question. We've had a few people asking us this question. We told them we did offer to foster/adopt through our County. We've had our homestudy done and were approved in 1998. We waited and waited for 2 years before we found our son, Nelson, in Guatemala. As of Today, we are still waiting to hear from the County!! I agree with Mel, this system is SO SCREWED!!