Given a referral - need HELP!

[Donna1234]

Hello everyone, I am new here. My husband and I are planning on adopting from Guatemala - we just completed the Homestudy and have started the INS process. In the meantime, we have already been given a referral for a baby girl from Guatemala from our adoption agency. We have a picture of her at one month old. She seems adorable but my question is this - Did anyone else who has adopted from Guatemala have trouble accepting a referral since we get pictures of the babies when they are so young?? - Or am I the only one?????? I am finding this very difficult. I am trying to insure that this little girl will fit in with the rest of the family as much as possible. I wish that we could see these babies in person before commiting to them but, unfortunately, that is not the case.

I thought, if possible, of those who have completed the adoption process, if you could send me a picture of yours when they were very young and pictures of when they were a little older (a year old or so) or whatever you would feel comfortable with. This might help me kind of see what this little one will develop into.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.

D.

[larasmom]

donna

we were given the option of choosing between 2 little boys which were a day apart in age. they were 3 months old. one of the babies had a big mole on his nose and weren't sure what it was so we chose the other baby.

here is our son's referral picture and a picture of him at present.

one is from last summer at the beach and the other is 3 months ago at a family wedding

[delaware1]

Hi there-
Good luck with your decision, and with your process.
Here's Mayra in apicture taken when she was less than a month old, then at Valentine's Day, about about 22 months old.
-Kathleen

[mellymom]

well Donna, I just considered each of my bio kiddos a surprise to see what they developed into! one like me, one like ex-h, and one that is a complete mix of the other 2 kids. each of the guat kids really looks different in their own way, just like caucasian kids all seem to look different! then, there are a few on this board that even look alike, like my annie and pat's grace.
good luck in your decision.

check out my avatar to see annie at referral, and i'll post a 3 yr old pic.
melanie

[loufrag]

This is LD's referral picture, at 1y/o and now at 2 years (Gotcha Day #2 coming next week).

[MarieL]

Hi,

I think you'd be amazed how much the kids change from birth to 3!

Ok, first picture is Marielle's referral picture and second one is Marielle at 3 years old.

Third one is Rico at 1 day old (in the NICU, he had breathing problems) and a current picture (age 2).

[capeach]

You know, we used Cameron's referral photo more as a tool to help determine whether he was healthy. We didn't care what he "looked" like, we knew he was our son.

Here is his referral picture, when he was 7 days shy of being 6 months old. The second picture was taken when he was 3 1/2 years old.

Edited to add that we did, however, think he was pretty darned cute! And we still think he's the cutest little boy we've ever seen. Many little girls seem to think the same thing too.

[Robin13]

Donna,
I was just wondering what you meant by ensuring she would fit into your family? Are you bothered by the fact the child will not be a racial match? That isn't uncommon and if that is what you are concerned about, you must resolve those feelings before you adopt transracially. I could be way off base here and if so, sorry.
I know one question that we were asked before we adopted transracially is how will we feel having a black grandchild one day. For some reason that question was very poignant and thought provoking. Take care. Robin

[Lisa2003]

Hi,
I dont have a referral picture in my computer to show you... you are right that your referral picture tells you nothing about what your child will look like in the future. For some people that might be more important than others... to be totally honest here, I actually never said this before...when we started the process 5 years ago with our first child, I WAS curious... and I did wonder... I also remember "hoping" that my child will look similar to us.... today I feel very bad about having those thoughts because I LOVE my child soooooo much... it was after being a mom, and realizing the wonderful thing that it is to be a mom, that I realized looks dont matter.... in fact.... when we decided to adopt a second time I didnt think about it at all!!

I hope I make sense

best wishes in your decision....

Lisa
2 guatemalan miracles
DS 5years old
DD 17 months

[BC-Tracik]

I was wondering what your concern is as well... like Robin if it is color of skin oriented keep in mind that Latino children's skin "cures" so it can become lighter or darker for the first year. I will say I do understand that Guatemala does "feel" a little backwards and in a way a little more stressful since you have this picture of a precious child and they are growing older with you "knowing" who they are. Where other countries you get the picture and travel a few months later.

From your post I couldn't tell if your Dossier was done? Keep in mind until you get INS approval no DNA can be done so you can't get through family court and PGN. Just a warning that accepting a referral before you are 100% paper ready can mean a longer process. ie. if they say 4 - 6 months for process the you add that onto when you are paper ready. Just an FYI

Here are pics of my kids. The first is my DD at 3 weeks and then 1 yr and 4 yrs. The second set is my DS at 3 weeks, 1 yr and 2 1/2 yrs. DD looks very different except the mouth and nose. DS has ALWAYS looked the same.... born looking like a little man IMHO.... Guatemalans are extremely beautiful people, though I might be biased.