I cried the whole way there. I knew something was different about this time. This time had a eery feeling. So I got here and they assesed me and said I would not be going home anytime soon. My doc said I had significant bleeding and I was dialated to 4 centimeters outside and 3 inside. I started to bawl. She told me don't worry (yeah right) that we don't know the outcome. I may just have to be there on bedrest the rest of my pregnancy, I may have one baby and the other survives....we were about to play the waiting game.
Contractions subsided, then picked back up strongly...to the point I needed an epidural. I prayed and prayed that the epi would slow the contractions up so the can stop, but when my doc checked me about 2 hours later she told me it was inevitable... I was 5 centimeters, 50% effaced and a water bag was bulging...I was delivering within a few days. I was DEVASTATED. But she kept clinging to the "fact" that I could very easily keep the second inside and safe. That only gave a tiny bit of comfort...I want BOTH my babies but if God's will is for one then please Lord give her a fighting chance. At that point I got a fever. I was spiking a temp of 102.4 so they started antibiotics and gave me Tylenol. That never helped though.
Labor continued and continued until my water bag just went ahead and broke. At 5:13am on August 28, 2009 my sweet baby Angel McKynzie Nicole Porter was born into this world way too soon. I was only 18 weeks 3 days pregnant, but she was perfect, just tiny. She lived for 2 hours while myself and my hubby got to hold and talk to her to help her transition to be with God. I kept reminding her it's ok, and she could go when she saw Angels. My God...how I want my baby back. She moved around alot and daddy decided he needed to cuddle her and hold her tightly to let her know it's ok. My baby fought so hard!! We took lots and lots of pics of her while she was still alive. at 7:20 my baby went to be with Jesus forever.
At around 6am before McKynzie passed, the let me know I was loosing tons of blood...almost 2 liters. Which means I was henorraging and this was a matter of life and death for me, so they said they HAD to deliver my 2nd baby. I screamed begging and pleading them not to. Asking why is this happening to me and my sweet babies. Meanwhile I was feeling myself slipping in and out of sleep which I later learned that was actually my life and death situation starting up. So they gave me some injection which made me contract again and at 6:33 am My angel Baby McKayla Latrice Porter was born...still.
We held them and took so many pictures of our precious girls'. They were beautiful and looked just like mommy
We had a Now I lay me down to sleep photographer come do a shoot of our bereaved family and it is so awesome. There are lots of emotions in those pics and in our hearts right now. I wonder did I do something wrong? Is this a punishment of some sort? What more could my docs have done? Why wouldn't they give me mag to let my girls live? Those and a TON more, but I have to keep my girls memory by remebering the 18 weeks we had together.It was so devastating telling the children. We all looked very forward to these girls and to lose them has been hard on us all. Today I left the hospital with empty hands and a VERY heavy heart. It was outright cruel to have to be wheeled out of there, in maternity clothes, with nothing but memory boxes. My milk has really started to leak, and that's been THE worst. I know what that milk is for, who iit's needed for and what i SHOULD be doing with it, but I cant. I have to watch my babies' milk drip and drop from mommy with no destination. I wish there was a flight to Heaven...I'd make sure they had their milk shipped first class!
My babies, Oh how mommy loves and yearns for you so. I love you and please look out for us all.
Please keep us in prayer.
Nicholas Aragorn - Officially seven!!
Caeden Tobiah - Officially seven!!
DH,47
Aiden, 16w3d Jan '06 (IUI #1-delivered early due to PPROM)
early loss, May '06 (IUI#4)~IUI 2,3,5,6 & IVF#1=BFN
~ NT u/s 1:2 odds of a chromosome abnormality due to cystic hygroma - but it's a healthy girl! Brianna Eileen born at 39w1d 8lbs1oz - now 2 years old! 
