Need to vent

[MashaND]

Hi everybody
Recently I became very optimistic especially that Dr. Beer gave me so much hope.
But today for some reason I just feel very down.
I am trying to convince myself that I am only 29, and that I finally after 3.5 years of IF have a diagnosis and a tx protocol. I was diagnosed with categories 1,2,4,5 problems.
But at the back of my mind I am always thinking that I was married before and although we never ttc we did not use much protection either and my first husband made his ex pg many times. I was young and was a lot healthier than I am now and I have never been pg in my life.
I understand that immune issues are not inborn that they develop over time. May be I am wrong with that one?
I am Canadian so everything will be out of our pocket. I feel a little bet guilty when I think that we can spend all these money and still get no result.
I guess tomorrow wil be a better day. I just don't know where to get courage to get through this hell now.
DH does not understand.. He thinks I am obsessed.
Any success stories (especially similar to mine) are very much appreciated. I pray that God have mercy on us and I will become mama very soon.
Thanks for letting me vent.

[LynnUS]

Oh sweetie I'm sorry you are down. I know it does seem like obsession to those who aren't in our shoes, but I like to think of it as focus!
I truly believe you are on the right path. Even though you've never been pg (that you know of) you've probably just been having implantation failure/very early losses all this time. I was in my 20's when the losses started happening and docs said "Don't worry you're young" and had me keep doing the same IUI/IVF to no avail. By the time I got to my late 30's the docs said "At your advanced age, chances of success are so slim" and recomended I keep doing the same old IUI/IVF. It took me 9 long, hopeless years before finding immune tx and it worked like a charm. You have the dx and now the tx. I am so hopeful that this will be the case for you too! I think it is true that immune issues tend to worsen over time, but also know that in most cases, after undergoing immune tx your immune system will "reset" itself and revert to normalcy.
I know it is often so hard to stay positive, but you have come SO FAR! I just know you will be sharing ++++news with us very soon.

((hugs)) and hang in there!

Lynn
9yrs ttc#1 "unexplained"
3 first tri losses
Gordon Edward b/d 8/20/92 @22wks
Madeleine, 3-1/2 w/IVIg, LIT, Lovenox, ba
3 yrs ttc#2
4 more first tri losses
dx: uterine NKs, hetero MTHFR, dq alpha match
currently pg on a natural cycle w/Humira, folgard, lovenox, baby asp

[Tabithalyn]

I'm sorry to hear that you are getting a wee depressed... it is a long, hard road that leads us to some new avenue and some sorta HOPE and it is hard not to feel a bit uncertain if that HOPE is actually going to work or not...

BUT you must have courage to keep you going thru this leg of the journey.. it could very well be, and I'm betting it is! -the springboard part of the IF cycle that will lead you into a safe, strong prg. and the darling baby you are dreaming of... :

Never let yourself be called obsessed for the goal and dream you have of family is a worthy goal filled with true, lasting value....others have more drive for lots less worthy causes.. let's see Paris Hilton might be driven for that "special" pair of shoes...some women have to date only the man that has that "certain" car/money/job... you are doing something that is so important to you and your hubby, I'm sure he'll understand the drive more when you both are staring in fascination at the perfect person your love and determination helped bring to you...

take heart, we're here for the support and encouragement and as Lynn reminds you, some of the girls have been thru many longer years of ttc efforts and are now glad that they did hang on at those times...

luv from Ally

[MashaND]

HI Lynn and Ally,
Thanks for your kind words. I am feeling a lot better today.
Still thinking a lot, but not depressed.
I will keep you posted
Masha