can IVF "kill" a relationship?

[damina]

hi everyone!
I'm new here, still trying to figure out how everything works... (and I mean everything: the forum, the tests, IF, going through IVF, all of it!)

In our case the problem is low sperm count. After 1 1/2 years ttc, the doctor said we should proceed with ISCI.
I'm hoping for the best, but I'm afraid of all the pain and disappointment I will do through.

I'm also terrified of what all this might do to my marriage. My husband feels responsible for our IF and I try to be supportive but the truth is I'm a little self - absorbed... (feeing sorry for myself!) How are we going to survive all this process of tests, injections, stress...

Anyway, I'm happy to have found you all! Hope to hear from you soon

[LouHoo]

Damina,

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. No one should. I think IVF can kill a relationship, but it can also strengthen a relationship. My dh and I have been going through this since 1999, and we have grown closer as we deal with it all. We did go to counseling for a while (we each went separately, not to couples counseling). We also just keep reminding each other of how much we love each other, and we support each other along the way. I know what you mean about being self-absorbed, but remember to be supportive of dh and tell him as much as he needs to hear it that it's not his fault and it doesn't matter.

Hopefully ICSI will work for you. It definitely eliminates the need for a lot of sperm, as long as they get enough for each egg. If you're into alternative medicine, acupuncture and herbs may also help dh.

Good luck!

[AthenaD]

Damina,

Our IF was also male factor and two failed IVF cycled and two IUI cycles brought us closer together. Keep the lines of communication open and you may be surprised at the ways you'll both grow. I wish you the best of luck!

[Little fluff]

Damina

I just want to add that I agree with your other responses IF is very hard on a relationship and will certainly test you both. Always keep the communication lines open and just love each other. Good luck.

Debbie

[damina]

thank you so much for your replies and all the encouragement! I never thought I could get support through my laptop!

LouHoo
What is your state now? Are you continuing therapy? Has alternative medicine worked for you? I tried accupuncture to quit smoking but it didn't work...

Athena D
You are named after my hometown! I'm sorry you have the same problem I do, although it's nice to be able to talk with you about it... How is your husband reacting to all this? Mine is kind of in denial for now, refusing to quit smoking and drinking...

Little Fluff
thanks for the advice and encouragement... I see you and your husband have been through a lot so you must be doing something right!

I wish all of you the best of luck!

[LouHoo]

pg, m/c, and child mentioned

I'll give you a quick history! I did four fresh IVFs and one FET during the 2001/2002 time frame. Prior to that I had done six IUIs (three on Clomid and three with injectibles). On the fourth fresh IVF cycle I finally got pg with my ds, who is now 2-1/2 years old!

Since then I have done one more FET and three more fresh IVF cycles. I got pg with the FET but miscarried at 8 weeks. I am now in the 2ww after a fresh IVF cycle and will find out on 12/30 whether or not I am pg. Trying to get pg with the second child is not any less emotional for us than it was with the first child. In fact, I'm a little less patient now because I know it worked once and I just want it to work again! We did ICSI and assisted hatching this cycle.

I have done acupuncture. I did it the cycle that I got pg with my son, so I do have faith in it, but I've also done it for cycles that did not work, so it's hard to say whether the acupuncture makes a difference or not. If nothing else, it helps to relax me, which is important, and it makes me feel like I am trying everything possible. I do not take herbs. My acupuncturist feels that herbs could interfere with the fertility meds. She would use herbs for certain things, such as low sperm count, but I do not have those issues.

You said you're trying to figure out how everything works. Obviously, I've been through a lot, and so have many of the women on these boards, so feel free to ask away!

Have you started the IVF process yet or are you just getting ready?

Good luck!

[damina]

Lou Hoo,
I'm very happy to see that you managed to have a son after all this effort! And I know what you mean about the accupuncture giving you the sense that you're doing everything in your power. I plan to give up smoking for the same reason.

Being in your 2ww must be very stressful for you. It must be difficult too, having a 3 year old to take care of! I used to work with children and I know they can be a handful at this age! Does your son know you're trying for another baby?

I keep my fingers crossed for you! Hope the new year finds you excited with good news!

[LouHoo]

Thank you! Actually, having my son makes it easier to get through the 2ww, because he keeps me busy. He doesn't really know we're trying. Even if we told him, he wouldn't really understand. My dh did ask him the other night if he wanted a brother or a sister, and he said yes.

Good luck with giving up smoking. I've never smoked, but I know quitting is difficult.

[damina]

Lou Hoo, I have a stupid question:

does a woman need to rest or lie down during the 2ww?

[LouHoo]

It's not a stupid question. The short answer is no. Some doctors want you to be on bed rest for a day or two after transfer. My doctor does not require any bed rest. He says that there is no evidence that bed rest helps. I usually spend the day of the transfer lying around watching TV, but after that, I go back to my usual activities. Having said that, most women at least like to take it easy during the two week wait. You're not really supposed to exercise or do any heavy lifting or stuff like that. But you can basically go about business as usual. Every doctor is different, so ask yours, but I would not expect you to really need to rest.