Do you smack your kids?

[conschofield]

Hi mommies...do u believe in smacking your kids to discipline them? I smack my daughter's bottom / hand if she did something bad. Lately, she just loves to shout on top of her lungs if she didn't get what she wants...it drives me nut especially when I'm tired. I try to control myself but sometimes I can't. I feel so guilty. I feel so bad smacking my kid. From what I read, pyschologist believes this method is not effective as the child will be aggresive towards his friends. Any mommies outhere share similar problem? Care to share!!

[SamsMom]

Nope. Don't believe in hitting my children.

[Lois]

Only very very rarely. I generally don't believe physical force will be helpful in the long run. but sometimes the short run is very overwhelming, so don't feel guilty. the fact that you are worried, reading about it, and asking us about it shows you are a good mom!

[BC-CrystalAZ]

Absolutely not. I believe in always showing my child the same respect I would want to be shown. I believe in never putting him in a position where I am asserting my will over him in a way that minimizes him. I believe that the ultimate hypocrisy is saying "Don't hit!" when you are yourself hitting.

I think that part of our purpose is to show our child how to be in the world. How to deal with frustration. How to deal with the consequences of their actions.

Think about natural consequences. A natural consequence of shouting at the top of your lungs is that nobody wants to be around you. Therefore a natural disciplinary tactic for that behavior is to remove her from others - put her in her room by herself for XXX number of minutes when she screams. It will only take 1 or 2 times of doing this, and just a look from you will stop any screaming. You have to be patient AND consistent. She has to know that every time she does XXXX, XXXX will happen.

Spanking and physical punishment ESCALATES chaos. What you want is to ELIMINATE chaos. So you have to be the one who starts that, by never hitting. Your job is to get to a place where you can be zen mom, always consistent, always in control of your emotions, and always warm and loving, offering a safe place for your child to be. We all have moments, but always work on being patient and centered and consistent.

Crystal

[pinklady]

Our toddler started screaming too. We tell him, "use your indoor voice." if he screams again he goes straight to his room with door closed. We tell him to use indoor voice again and he figured it out FAST to not scream. He will scream when he is tired and into bed he goes.

[BC-lisa in venice]

I have been known to smack a bottom here and there but I grew up with very strict rules for being spanked. Kids being silly or not being able to control themselves is one thing or if they are just learning civilized behavior they get natural consequences for that stuff like Crystal and Pinklady suggested. Spanking was reserved for what my grand mother called "willful disobedience" in other words a kid has control of themselves, knows what is the right thing to do then CHOOSES to do what they know to be wrong. A tantrum means your kid is not in control of themselves and smacking does not help to get them back into control, in fact it can make things worse.

I absolutely do not believe the link between normal spanking and aggression. Most of the studies I have seen are extremely flawed. There IS a link between child abuse and aggression but that is a different matter.

[SaraAnn]

NEVER. Time out in the laundry room has worked like a charm or taking away the most beloved item for a few minutes.