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  1. #1
    wantsababy2
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    How do you politely tell your DH/InLaws you don't want the ILs over for Hallowe'en?

    The last couple of years it became something of a "tradition" (they call it) to have the ILs over on Hallowe'en night. They like to see the kids all dressed up, they say. Well, my kids were little and it was fine, I made dinner and we were all able to go out (DH & I & the kids) while the ILs did the dishes and handed out candy - which I really appreciated given they are in their EIGHTIES! They have to spend the night, too, because they live over an hour away, so I always had to have breakfast and lunch the next day planned as well.

    But this year Hallowe'en is on a Monday, the oldest is in school, the youngest is in preschool and DH is working. So, it'll be ME they're seeing most of (I'm a stay-at-home-mom). Yay. (not)

    More importantly, the girls are 5.5 and 3.5 with a neighbourhood full of friends. We (the parents of this neighbourhood "gang" of 9 little kids aged 3 to 7) are planning some fun things for them to do before dinner so we're busy with kid stuff this year. I told DH we should have the Inlaws over on the weekend instead, so we're....er, I'M free on Hallowe'en day, but DH is insisting that "we have a tradition going here."

    Ugh.

    How can I get out of it when DH wants them here (not because he really wants them here but because they want to come - even though we just saw them yesterday!)? Or should I just have them over and let them fend for themselves? Because that's what will happen - I'm not putting on a special dinner because I'll be busy with MY KIDS on this KIDS' DAY. I'll have to tell them to eat on the way or they can fix sandwiches, because we're ordering pizza and FIL won't eat pizza.


    P.S. I should tell you that, though I am happily married and think the world of my husband most of the time, I function as a single mother with three children. My DH does very little around the house anymore. When my mid-eighty year old inlaws come over, I feel like I'm cooking dinner for 5 little children because no one does/can do anything to help me (two are too little, two are too old, and one is just oblivious). Hallowe'en is NOT a good day for me to take care of 5 helpless human beings. Only TWO of them matter to me on that day, everyone else can fend for themselves.


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  3. #2
    BC-MAV
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    I can understand that the grandparents want to see their grankids all dressed up for Halloween. How far away do they live that they have to spend the night? If it is just a 30 minute drive what about asking if you can bring the kids in the early afternoon Monday to trick or treat (just get a treat from the granparents) at their house? If that doesn't work what about asking the grandparents to come see the kids over at your house... then ask if they would pass out the candy at your house while you go trick or treating with the kids? Yes you still have to feed your inlawas but what about some microwaved Stouffers' dish for dinner and some store bought muffins for breakfast? That would make it easy for you. Still if that's just too much to do, and I totally understand.... what about taking a picture of your kids in their Halloween costumes and mailing or emailing it to the grandparents?
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  4. #3
    peako
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    As some who due to distance has never dealt with having any of the grandparents around and one who wouldn't have dealt with it even if they were closer, I wish I had your problem. IMO your children are lucky to have grandparents who love them and want to be part of their lives.

    But to your problem you don't want them, dh does, without his support you become the bag guy in this. How do you feel about phoning them yourself and saying that your sorry but it's just not convinent for them to come? The other option would be to call them and say that the children have been invited to do some other activities and.......

    If they came would they be able to join you on the other activities? Would they be happy sitting at your house while you did them? Would they be happy if dinner was something simple, breakfast was just toast and ceral and lunch was just grilled cheese and soup? Do they realise that the children are at school and won't be around?
    peako

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  5. #4
    hope2004
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    Since they are in their 80's it's not a tradition I would break.... you do not have to make a huge deal though and jump through hoops especially if you are a one-woman-show. Call them up though and tell them you're planning on having pizza this year since you will be busy with the kids. I do understand it's a kid's day but I think Family is really important and one of these days your kids are going to thank you for the memories you made for them with their grandparents (and the photos they may have on Halloween with grandpa and grandma). Like Mav mentioned - make sandwiches, use paperplates. make it easy on yourself Have toast and jelly in the morning for breakfast. LOL I don't know your IL's but I doubt they care about dinner..but probably just care to see their grandkids.

    Petra


  6. #5
    SC-blu_sky
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    Is there a trunk or treat event on Sat in your area that you could have your inlaws over for? Then you could have your tradition on the weekend and the day itself to yourself.
    Liz (37) DH (37)
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  7. #6
    wantsababy2
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    Quote Originally Posted by BC-MAV View Post
    Yes you still have to feed your inlawas but what about some microwaved Stouffers' dish for dinner and some store bought muffins for breakfast? That would make it easy for you. Still if that's just too much to do, and I totally understand.... what about taking a picture of your kids in their Halloween costumes and mailing or emailing it to the grandparents?
    My MIL is 84 and has severe rheumatoid arthritis. She can't lift a kettle with 2 cups of water in it for tea or even hold a peeler to peel a potato for dinner. My FIL is 85 has Parkinson's disease and uses a walker (he's just a few short months away from needing in a wheelchair). Stouffers'-type frozen dinners and store-bought stuff is all they eat at home. When they are invited anywhere, it is with the assumption that we offer them decent, home-cooked meals (with left-overs to take home) because they can't do it themselves. I'm busy Hallowe'en Monday and into Tuesday morning and don't need the added burden of looking after frail, elderly people when it is entirely possible for them to come and visit (for three days if they want to) and be gone before the Monday "festivities." I need a way to sell the idea without looking like a mean daughter in law. I have never called this a "tradition" and hate that my in-laws are taking over Hallowe'en for my kids! My DH actually wants the kids to forego the neighbourhood festivities because the in-laws will be here and I don't think that's fair. The inlaws and DH just sit on the sofa talking adult stuff and ignore the kids anyway! I was furious last year because my younger DD had NOT ONE SINGLE PHOTO taken on Hallowe'en because DH was too busy talking with his parents and snapping photos of them and his stupid carved pumpkins!

    Sorry, I'm stressed and venting now......


  8. #7
    SamsMom
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    Why can't you do both...have the inlaws over and do some of the neighborhood stuff? I would NOT tell the inlaws they aren't welcome on that day.
    JulieG


  9. #8
    AshRS
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    I would tell the inlaws (or get DH to tell them) about what your neighbourhood has planned for today. I would say something like "while you're more than welcome to come, the girls are really excited to be big enough this year to do some activities with the neighbourhood kids, and we will be busy doing that." Then offer to have them over the day before and the girls can dress up in their costumes special for them.
    Me (30) DH (30) married July '08
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  10. #9
    reesesmonkey
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    Why don't you let dh know that he will be the one responsible for feeding and entertaining his parents since your focus will be on the children? Leave the ball in his court. Otherwise, make a meal ahead of time and freeze it. Maybe a big pot of soup or ziti. Make a quiche ahead of time to bake the next morning. Good luck!


  11. #10
    M&M
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    I think you need to let them participate. It sounds limportant to them, and even if your kids are involved with the neighborhood kids, they will still know their grandparents are part of Halloween. I understand, I really do, because my inlaws also come over every Halloween and it's a tricky balance. We will be ordering pizza and having neighbors over as well, so they are always invited to join us, but I don't have time to cook special meals with a house full of kids and getting costumes ready. In your case it sounds more like a Dh problem than an inlaw problem. He needs to step up and help you out if he wants his parents there.


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