People asking us for money

[momla]

Jake goes to a private Christian school and the director of the preschool who I know fairly well is leaving after this year b/c she and her husband and children are moving to Russia to do some ministry in an orphanage there for 2 years. Well, she has called us and wants to come over to our house and talk to us about what they will be doing in Russia and ask for a commitment to pray for them. In her words, there is a financial piece also but it is very low key. I'm sure she is not going to every family in the school. How could they do that? There are at least a couple of hundred families. But, I'm sure she is hitting some target families. Dh is an orthodontist in town and lately we have been the target of people asking us for financial support for various things because they assume we are wealthy. We are not. We have oodles of student loans left which we have yet to pay down a big chunk on b/c we spent many years facing infertility, then private expensive autism treatments, an adoption. Dh is FURIOUS with me for allowing them to come over but what do you say to someone on the phone who you know and who works at your kids school and is respected there? No, I won't pray for you? Of course we'll pray for them. We are also in the midst of a capital campaign in our church to build a sanctuary that our church really needs. We have been identified as one of the potential "major gift" families b/c of what my husband does and again, we have to sit down with our pastor and say we have decided to give X. That is a sacrifice for us, but I know that is not what people *think* we should give. I am considering telling her & her dh that yes, we will pray for them but that we cannot make any financial commitment to them b/c we have committed all of our excess to our church for the next 3 years for the building campaign. Which is true. I just do not understand people who have a calling to do something wonderful but can't afford to do it hitting up other people for money to live out THEIR calling. Our own church needs to take priority here b/c we are members of our church and helping our church is our responsibility. But, funding someone else's calling is not IMHO. I hope I don't sound like a witch. I'm afraid she is going to think we are being selfish, but we are not. We live on a fraction of our income and all the rest goes to student loan and practice loan debt reduction. Yes, Jake goes to private school but that is b/c we believe it serves his needs better than our public schools would. It is because it is best for Jake. Lydia goes to preschool there but she could go to preschool anywhere and the preschool is not much more than any other preschool.

[wildfire]

Some people are called to do and some are called to give, I am sure those people with hte calling will find the ones called to give to meet that need. Your calling was helping the building project.
You don't have to save the world (as my mom said lol)

I don't think it is right for people to assume you have cash to throw their way esp if they are assuming amounts...that's just rude and tactless!!
No one knows your bills like you said and should NOT be juding how much you have to give.
That is between you and God.

It's your hard earned money and this socialist mentality is horrible.

[AmandaG]

I would just tell her that you'll be happy to pray for them, but at this time you won't be able to financially contribute. You don't even have to say anything about your student loans (which quite frankly is NONE of her business!), but blame it on the economy. Surely she can understand that since its on the front page of the news every day!! And phooey on anyone who judges an amount you contribute to your church.....again...that should be a MYOB topic!

As a side note...we know people who are friends of some friends....they left our state to go on a similar 'ministry' in Spain. They said that they felt like God wanted them to be there. So last August they packed up, sold stuff off and left for what was supposed to be a 2 year commitment. I haven't heard all the details, but they are now coming back in the near future. Perhaps its money related and just too expensive to stay over there, especially considering their house here never sold...but geez....I can't imagine the cost alone for the trips back and forth for their entire family! (eight children, two parents! )

[Lori]

I would just tell her that you'll be happy to pray for them, but at this time you won't be able to financially contribute. You don't even have to say anything about your student loans (which quite frankly is NONE of her business!), but blame it on the economy. Surely she can understand that since its on the front page of the news every day!! )

What she says...

[Mrs M]

I would just tell her that you'll be happy to pray for them, but at this time you won't be able to financially contribute. You don't even have to say anything about your student loans (which quite frankly is NONE of her business!), but blame it on the economy. Surely she can understand that since its on the front page of the news every day!! And phooey on anyone who judges an amount you contribute to your church.....again...that should be a MYOB topic!

I agree - It drives me nutso that people assume things about your income because of what your DH or you do - nobody knows anyone else's situation and I think it is tacky to assume!

[Rudi]

I would just tell her that you'll be happy to pray for them, but at this time you won't be able to financially contribute. You don't even have to say anything about your student loans (which quite frankly is NONE of her business!), but blame it on the economy. Surely she can understand that since its on the front page of the news every day!! And phooey on anyone who judges an amount you contribute to your church.....again...that should be a MYOB topic!

Another ditto here!

[Kaybee]

For me it would have been easier to tell her on the phone than in your home that you can't contribute. Maybe that is why your dh is upset. If you can't do it you can't do it so don't sweat it.

[momla]

For me it would have been easier to tell her on the phone than in your home that you can't contribute. Maybe that is why your dh is upset. If you can't do it you can't do it so don't sweat it.

But, I don't want her to think I don't want to hear about their plans and that I am unwilling to pray for them. She phrased it as such that she wants to primarily share their plans and ask for prayer commitment. That part I am more than happy to do.

[pattycakemom]

What you give is between you and God.

[DeAnne1]

I've been in your shoes too. Usually I just say that I don't feel comfortable making a long term monthly commitment but but will pray and might send something occaisionally as it works out.

I had a friend who was a missionary in the Phillipines and when the economy went sour in the late 80's all their money dried up. It always made me wary about making a long term commitment, especially if someone else was counting on it to live on.

And I also agree that people should work and pay their own way if it really is something that God put on their heart to go and do. I get a little jaded when I see friends who want people to support them while they are overseas yet their dc is at an expensive private college (turned down a full ride to a different college) and she complains about the expenses, and they also seem to do quite a bit of back and forth to the states. OTOH, there are some others that we support and are happy to do it....but it seems like those people are really making a difference (building schools, feeding refugees, etc). Like everything else, I guess you just need to pray about it.