Vent on Birthday Gifts for Twins, MY Twins!

[DDDNY]

Just wanted to vent on birthdays for twins. I have three boys, all were IVF, all were Premature and all are here by the grace of God. All children are special, however, I do feel that mine, probably because their mine are even more special because of their rough start in life. Having said that, my twins are turing 4 on July 18th. My oldest is 6 1/2 years old. We had a family and friend party for my oldest for the last 5 years. Then had his last two parties out with his classmates and friends. I have been having the same types of parties for my twins till next year then when they turn 5 parties will be out like my oldest. My beef is the following if you had 2 children born at different months of the year I would assume family and friends would give gifts for that child. It seems since they are twins that gifts are not as thoughtful, a gift for them to share or two gifts that they wouldn't receive if their birthdays were spaced out GWIM? I am not being ungrateful I appreciate ANY thought of my boys, however, I don't understand what the difference is if siblings are born on the same day or 5 months apart? I feel since they are July babies they get short changed and since they are twins it's even worst. My SIL has two children who are now 21 and 11. I always gave beautiful wellt thought gifts for each from their favorte stores. My nephew never acknowledged any gifts since he was old enough to do so, his mother always called to say thanks! After too many years of this I stopped when turned 20 buying birthday gifts, I figured if he can't acknowledge our thought why waste my time shopping? Both her kids are super spoiled and don't think much of anything unless it is AMAZING. My twins just got their birthday gifts from SIL today since she won't be able to attend the party, and it came in a Gap shopping bag with tags on not even wrapped for a 4 year old! Am I wrong to feel bad for my boys? I know they are too young to understand but it really makes me angry to think that this is how they are thought of. Ok, I am nuts I admit and have high standards, however, I would not expect their aunt and godmother to treat them this way. Ok lets hear it!

[jenmom2myboys]

I actually love the Gap so I would be happy with that but that's just me! I'm not big on toys though.

[beez]

I agree with you totally. And while a gift from the GAP is wonderful, it would have been nice for her to wrap it in a colorful paper with some cheap curling ribbon. I am just saying more thought should have been put into it. Kids love the color and fun of a gift sometimes more than what is inside.

Sorry that your special boys are treated as anything less than what they are.
Beez

[sheryl]

I think that your expectations are too high, IMO. Not everyone feels the same way as you do and to expect that they get (and deliver) gifts in any certain way is just setting yourself up for disappointment. And you may run the risk of teaching your boys that gifts should be a certain way, instead of just appreciating that someone took the time and thought of them and bought them something. "It is the thought that counts".... That is so true. A great lesson to learn.

It's funny. I think that it is cool to have a birthday during the summer. It keeps kids connected through the long break, PLUS you can do things outdoors. My girls have theirs in January and it is usually raining and/or cold, so we always have to do things indoors... Pros and cons, I guess...

[Emmi]

I think that your expectations are too high, IMO. Not everyone feels the same way as you do and to expect that they get (and deliver) gifts in any certain way is just setting yourself up for disappointment. And you may run the risk of teaching your boys that gifts should be a certain way, instead of just appreciating that someone took the time and thought of them and bought them something. "It is the thought that counts".... That is so true. A great lesson to learn.

It's funny. I think that it is cool to have a birthday during the summer. It keeps kids connected through the long break, PLUS you can do things outdoors. My girls have theirs in January and it is usually raining and/or cold, so we always have to do things indoors... Pros and cons, I guess...

I agree about birthdays in the summer! I always had pool parties (my bday is July 15th) and loved having my school-friends over in the middle of the summer! And Anna's bday is in December and she ALWAYS wants a pool party!

[LandJ]

I'm gonna address the "short changed b/c it's a July birthday" thing. That way of thinking so cracks me up b/c I have an April birthday. My sister's b-day is in July and she ALWAYS go to have a pool party (we had an inground in our backyard). April is too cold for that even in Florida. AND since we always went to Michigan and Miami in the summers she ALWAYS got to have parties in each of those two places as well! And guess what? We're all leaving for Michigan this week-end arriving there on Tuesday....her birthday. Guess what? There's going to be a surprise party for her when we get there!! She's 39 yo!!!! I guess it's all in the perspective b/c I always thought July birthdays were the best!

And btw-don't know if it's true anymore of not, but July used to be the month with the most birthdays in our country. And FWIW...when I go to a joint party, twins or not, I always make sure to purchase two separate gifts and wrap them separately with their own names on them.

[BC-CrystalAZ]

I think that your expectations are too high, IMO. Not everyone feels the same way as you do and to expect that they get (and deliver) gifts in any certain way is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

I 100% agree. Even outside of gifts in the bigger arena of life, expecting anything of anyone is setting yourself up for disappointment. If you relax and accept people for all that they are AND all that they aren't, you'll be able to appreciate more from them.

If you want your boys to have special birthdays that they will remember forever, it is up to YOU to set that up for them. And I guarantee they'll remember experiences much more than gifts, so plan fun parties and unique ways that they receive their gifts (fun wrapping techniques, treasure hunts, etc.) and they will never notice or care that their aunt's gift wasn't wrapped.

Crystal

[BC-CrystalAZ]

I'm gonna address the "short changed b/c it's a July birthday" thing.

Not only can they have pool parties, but you can go on weekend birthday trips, go to the water park, play in the sprinklers, have lemonade and watermelon, go on picnics, have water balloon and squirt gun fights, and have all kinds of fun summer birthday experiences. I think a July birthday kicks butt!!! The ones I always thought were shortchanged were the kids who had birthdays near Christmas and get the 2-in-1 gifts from everyone. But even then, the parents can make their day special with a little planning.

Crystal

[DDDNY]

I am in agreement about not expecting back what you give. My birthday is 2 weeks before Christmas and it was always cold or snowing or raining and I always got a birthday and Xmas gift in one from some family and or friends. Not a big deal I always wanted a summer birthday but most people do vacation and are away or the school friends are on to different activities by the middle of July at times. The vent was just in how the birthday was acknowledged, in a shopping bag from the Mall. For the record the gift was two school book bags and two t-shirts 3 sizes too big. Yes it is the thought that counts but not if the thought is, What a pain in the (*^*&%&^% it is to shop for two kids right before vacation I will just grab the first thing I see."
Sorry but there is too much history to get into at this point. My boys know they are loved and anyone who is important in their lives will make an effort to celebrate their birthday with them on their special day. On a side note, when I have had my older sons parties for classmates and friends I usually get half RSVPing by the date or not at all then there is the the mom who calls the night before the party asking if their child can still come. I am sorry if it offends anyone but manners are gone by the wayside. No one RSVPS anymore, no one sends thank you notes or calls for gifts received and no one thinks about anyone elses child's feelings other then their own. I was not raised to be like that nor will my boys.

[LandJ]

No one RSVPS anymore, no one sends thank you notes or calls for gifts received and no one thinks about anyone elses child's feelings other then their own. I was not raised to be like that nor will my boys.

I agree a lot of people are like that these days. However, I always RSVP and I always send thank you notes. I also do the "southern" thing by never returning a dish/plate empty. My mother would be appalled otherwise.

It sounds like you've got the ever present "in law issue." I'm sorry it's spilling over to your kids. They should never be caught in the middle.