How should I handle this rude teacher?

[katiesmom]

Hi

My dd is in first grade she is my first one to go to grade school. So I am fairly new to the school scene. Last year I jumped in with both feet and got involved with PTA and I was a class parent and I was just all around involved with what was going on with my dd. I liked it and I thought it got dd and I off to a good start in school. So this year dd starts 1st grade and rumor had it that her teacher was "mean" DD came home from school the first day crying about her teacher being mean. I beleived it was best not to over-react and just let her get settled in school and then make a time to talk to the teacher and see how dd was doing. So we are 2 weeks into it now and this teacher has been MIA. I cant catch her to talk to her. She always seems so snappy and in such a hurry to get everyone out of her class. Today I took the time to stay and wait. I saw the teacher making small talk and laughing with 2 other moms so I decided to join in and take the opportunity to talk to her. 1st I said katie had her 7th B day coming up and asked if she had a class list so I could include each childs name on the invites. She quickly interrupted me and said in a harsh tone "OH NO ALL the children need to get an invitation not just some kids" I said I had all intentions of inviting all the kids but I wanted to include thier names on the invites. She said "NO just give them to me" So then I said since the OpenHouse has been cancelled because of the possible Hurricane I wanted to ask you how dd was doing so far. She said "Well I would not have answered your questions at the Open house anywa we are not allowed to" UH ok what the heck is the purpose of the Open House then(i did not say this) So I said ok so how is dd doing and do you have any issues you want me to know about of work on with her. She saiod very harshly "she needs to stay more focused" I said yes I know she can get distracted very easily. She says "Ive got her right up front where she cant get away with anything" Ok that is fine with me but why is this lady speaking to me like this. She seemed bothered by my questions and my inquiery about my dd. So I asked if there was a better time I could set up to talk to her about dd and she said early mornings are best then she turned around and said "ALL PARENTS OUT GO I HAVE A MEETING" My dd has been complaining alot about this teacher. I keep telling her it will be ok just do what you are supossed to do and you will be fine. Now I feel like this lady HATES my dd in particular. This is new territory for me. DD has gone to some sort of school since she was three. She has always been well liked by her teachers. She has ALWAYS had a talking problem but she ALWAYS listens to what she is told by teachers. She is too afraid to get in real trouble. She does not talk back or get smart with teachers(she reserves that behavior for me ) So I am upset at this teacher and I dont know how to go about getting this teacher to speak to me like a person and not some form of pond scum like she has treated me. I might add that this is the first time I have really gone out of my way to have a conversation with her. But she has been rude to me on MANY occasions already. I abviously will not be able to be so involved with the classroom if this teacher is not even appraochable. Do I just let dd ride out the year and do what she needs to do to get by? or do I pry my way into this teachers thoughts and find out why she has been so hateful? I was hoping to be a class parent again this year. I feel very shut out this year and I dont like it. Do I need to just get over it and deal with it because there will be many more teachers like this in dd lifetime?

[tarasue]

You CAN have dd switched if you want. There is no reason to put up with being treated rudely by a teacher!

Now, that having been said, I have occasionally been a little short with parents. Usually that happens when parents drop by unannounced during the school day and expect that they can have an impromptu meeting with me. I just have to guard my time. Yesterday I had 17 students try to contact me (yes, on a Sunday), and if I don't set limits at work, I get *no* time for my own family. But I think your situation is different: I don't ignore parents who are trying to reach me; I just schedule a time ASAP when I hear from them.

This woman does sound like she doesn't like your dd. That's concerning. Now, it may be that her personality is a bit abrupt, but what REALLY concerns me is how unwilling she seems to be to meet with you and discuss your dd. At the elementary level there is really no excuse. (It's a bit different in high school, of course, when one teacher may have 125 students or more and ALL the parents want conferences.)

If it were my child, I would do this: find out how the teacher prefers to schedule/conduct parent conferences. Some prefer messages left or e-mails sent, depending on the teacher and the school. Schedule a meeting ASAP. If you are having trouble getting her to schedule or getting her to call you back, skip everyone else and arrange an urgent meeting with the principal. Tell him/her about your dd's tears about her "mean" teacher and your frustrated attempts to talk to the teacher. Principals don't like to hear that teachers have made kids cry, esp. at the elementary level! See how the principal responds: his or her reaction should tell you what he or she thinks of this teacher, among other things. If you feel it's appropriate or necessary, talk about switching dd to the other class b/c you feel like she has been singled out/picked on. Add that the teacher spoke rudely to YOU on several occasions.

Since you were in the PTA last year, can you talk to parents whose kids have been in this woman's class before meeting with the principal? I'd love to hear what the other parents have to say about this teacher after dealing with her for an entire school year.

I'm so sorry that dd is unhappy, and I'm angry that the teacher has been rude and NOT helpful at all.

Keep us posted.

--tarasue

[lilysmom]

gosh..this school stuff is just so hard.

i would be patient. in time i bet the relationship will find a better comfort zone. she just may not be one of your favorites. but i would continue to stay involved and try not to let her get to you. maybe its just a difference of personalities.

[WWhite]

my first thought before I read through your post was to give it time. I would call tomorrow, leave a message at the main office for her to call you during her off time so you can get her full attention, and if you still feel she is not a good fit for you or your dd, call the principal and see what needs to be done to change classes. Document all times you ahve tried to talk with her, and her responses so you have something to support your reasons for wanting the change.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[QTip]

Tarasue gave you some great advice. I would be inclined to yank my kid out of there, ASAP. There is no excuse for being rude like that. School has just started for goodness sake. She should be nice as can be.

I have heard that once 1st grade starts, teacher don't like parents around, the way they did in kindergarten.

Hang in there, mom. School is hard and knowing when to pull the plug on a situation is really tricky. I feel for you.

[lrmc]

I would set up a conference/ talk with her and talk to her when you can have her undivided attention.
Good luck

[Maddy00]

I'd document each contact with her, make EVERY effort to meet with her and at ANY point, if she chooses to be snippy, rude, sarcastic, etc...I'd smile kindly and say (and I'm serious here) "could you please put that in writing?"

I've learned that when someone is pushing it (and they KNOW when they are), you can often get them to back down, settle in, and be nice if you ask for their statements in writing.

And yeah, if after you've made efforts (and I'm tlaking in the next couple of days) I'd demand she go to another class and I wouldn't leave til she's assigned a new teacher. That's just unacceptable and I'd do all I could to keep school a pleasant place for my daughter.

[Mrs M]

I would be in the principals office. There is no excuse for the teacher to be so rude to you. I would not tolerate that behavior. So sorry you are having to deal with this so early on in the school year. Hugs.

[LouisvilleLady]

I have different thoughts on this situation. I do agree that you should call her or write a note to give to your child's teacher for her to call you on her plan time. If you have concerns, then they NEED to be addressed!

The teacher had NO right to get snappy with you, but we are all human, and we will have bad days just like anyone else! She should be entitled to her time before school or afterschool for her, but if you scheduled a meeting then she should oblige.

As far as open house goes, we are not allowed to speak on how the child is doing either for several reasons. One this is a time for the parents to get acquainted with what goes on in the childs classroom and to see work they have done. We put out a letter on the child's desk stating that we will not be answering any questions about how their child is doing, but would be more than willing to have a meeting or a phone call to discuss it. You also don't want other parents around espeically if your child is having a problem with the teacher! You don't need that many ears listening!

If this teacher does not bend over backwards to meet with you and resolve your concerns, then call the principal!

[robine]

I have been at this school business now for 9 years and will soon start year ten..I have never had any teacher speak rudely to me this early in the year, BUT I have never seen any teacher use the "open house' or "back to school" night to discuss individual children..Some parents HAVE tried to make it all about their child, but the other parents quickly refocused the short amount of time we did have to discuss issues common to ALL...Never has more than 2-3 weeks of school gone by( elementary only Middle school is a whole other can of worms) where the teacher did not schedule individual sessions with each parent alone to discuss his or her child...


I am not sure what I would do..I do not like to be spoken to in a rude manner but we can't always rush in and "fix" all the problems for our children - BUT on the other hand, this teacher seems a bit gruff and confrontational...Are there individual session planned SOON for each parent/s?? If not, I would contact her ONCE more and request a meeting ASAP..if she blows you off,I would be tap dancing on the Principal's desk very soon thereafter...