Need a little support....

[fatalchoice]

hi,
I've posted on here very few times unfortunately have spent a lot of time away from the computer lately... but for those who don't remember seeing my posts (which is probably most of you lol) I will do a slight "back story"...
I'm 25, married, been TTC over a year now. Diagnosed with PCOS. Don't get periods on my own(no ovulating)so I took Provera for 10 days and started 50mg of Clomid on CD 5-9. Didnt ovulate. Tried again at 100mg and nothing, then at 150mg I finally ovulated! I was so excited but I didnt get pregnant after the first time...I wasn't disappointed I figured it wouldn't happen after the first time (that was last mth), so I took Clomid at 150mg again(no Provera I got my own period this time from ovulating!!)but my gyno didnt do bloodtest this mth to check if I was ovulating (not sure if it was because once you ovulate on the 150mg you should continue to while taking 150mg?). We had sex when we were supposed to, then on day 32(which was the day I got my period last time)no period came. Day 33, 34, 35 came and went and still, nothing. So I started getting excited figuring I ovulated and since I didn't get my period I must be pregnant finally. Took a urine test, negative. Went to the clinic for a urine test, negative. Got bloodwork done just today and it was negative also.
I don't know what to do.... I'm so upset because if I'm not pregnant and didnt get my period that must mean I didn't ovulate this time right? And if I didn't ovulate we went backwards with our progress rather than forwards... I feel defeated, like I just want to give up.
Has anyone had anything like this happen before?? Like, ovulate one month and not the next even though you took the same amount of pills each month?? If so, what happened??
Also, I know many women have gone through much more than what I have to get pregnant and have prevailed, so I probably shouldn't give up.... just right now I don't know if I want to continue.... I know it would be worth it in the end to have a baby, but these pills are hard not only on my body but on my mind...
Anyways, any insight on this would be great. I'm calling my gyno tomorrow morning to set up an appt and talk about what's going on, I just figured if I could get personal experiences (preferably positive results) it would help...especially with Christmas coming so close I don't know if she'll be able to get me in beforehand or not.
Thanks for listening and look forward to hearing back from anyone

[BC-tysa]

Oh sweetie, hang in there. You are on the right track, they probably just need to monitor you a bit more. You may need to move to an RE instead of just going to GYN, they are great but not really suited to treat IF. And dont worry too much about maybe not O'ing this month, even ladies with no IF issues will skip a month here and there. You probably need an ultrasound, its possible you may have a cyst, clomid can cause those and they can certainly prevent you from O'ing. You also need to be either temping or using an ovulation monitor/sticks. Clomid can cause later/earlier O than expected, it is not possible to time things right without monitoring the situation carefully. Having a blood test later in the month can just say you did actually O, not when. Also, has your DH had a sperm analysis? I would think after a year of TTC, they would be looking for one. It sure cant hurt, it is easy, relatively cheap and pretty quick to have results.

Sure there are plenty of ladies out there that just "get" PG, but we pcos-ers just arent them. You are going to be fine, you are on the right track, and are still very young. Keep your chin up!

[fatalchoice]

Thanks BC-tysa for your reply, you have lifted my spirits even just a bit.
My DH did have a sperm analysis and he's good to go. My GYN did say that if we can't get PG on just Clomid she would refer me to a RE... it sucks, I really do like my GYN but hopefully we will have a good RE too...
When I have my appt I will bring up an ultrasound and see what's going on. As for temping, I'm new to that.... not sure what would be best to use?? If you have any suggestions (or anyone else reading this) I would love to hear them.
Thanks again, I will try to stop worrying about not O'ing this month, its just so hard when I did last month(first time!)and was so excited that we were on the right track to finally conceiving it just feels like that track has made a U-Turn....
And also, I know I'm still young...but, I guess I had a "plan" in my head on how my life would be and part of that plan was being pregnant between 23-25yrs old.... I wanted to be a younger mom...and have really wanted a baby since I was like 16 (however at that age I was smart enough to know it wasn't a good idea and never tried, just liked the idea and couldn't wait until I was older!)

[purdyjen]

Children mentioned!

Hang in there! PCOS'ers are a fickle bunch and meds often work different for us, or have the timing messed up etc as tysa mentioned. Clomid never worked for me...I had to move on to IUI with injectible drugs (my dh also has low count) to get my BFP, but I did eventually get two beautiful kids (two separate IUI's) with the help of an RE.

Only you can decide what is enough and how far to go to have a child, clomid messes with your head...so don't base it just on that. Other drugs often are not as bad as the clomid.

Hang in there and keep posting...we are all here for you on FT. Best of luck!

[fatalchoice]

thank you BC-purdyjen!! I'm hanging in there for now.... I called for an appt and the next avail was mid Jan so I decided to try Clomid one more time and see if it works this time.... but I have to take Provera to get my period...I asked for a refill on the phone, and when they called today I was at work and they aren't in the office until Monday now so I'm hoping she gives me the refill that way I can start sooner than mid-Jan. I will be doing an ovulation kit on my own to see if I did.... if I did ovulate, then I'll know that the drugs are working just my body isn't ovulating every month and hopefully can take advantage of it this time and get preg so I don't have to worry about it anymore....
if I don't ovulate this time around, I will ask to see an RE and talk about getting injections... I really would rather not go down that road(as I'm sure noone else wants to either), but have heard that they aren't as bad as Clomid so maybe it won't be so bad....
I dont know whats messing with my head... but I don't like it... been down a lot lately hopefully I get some good news soon.
Thanks for your support!! I try to talk to people around me, but I have a best friend who got pregnant on accident and her daughter turns one soon.... another friend who recently had a baby, and one who isn't ready.... so they don't really understand.... I have been talking to a woman at my work who her and her wife are now trying and I guess she got inseminated(sp?) on Sunday so hopefully it works for her..... so we're kind of in the same situation talking to her is a bit easier than anyone else.... but just feels like noone around me is fully understanding how hard it really is....

[BC-Ktaylor08]

Well hello!! You and me are like one and the same I'm also 25, diagnosed with PCOS... So frustrating!
I started with a gyn too- provera to start AF and then 50mg Clomid. I took ovulation tests and never got a + but got AF afterwards, so my gyno told me to just take another round. I felt like I was seeing an eye doctor for heart disease! so I decided to see an RE in the middle of my second round of 50mg. All of my bloodwork came back fine (not till later that I was dx with PCOS) but I didn't O on the second round of Clomid (confirmed by blood test). So back to Provera and 100mg of Clomid but I had visual changes so no more for me after that. I tried Femara but didn't O on that either.
I was so discouraged, depressed, and lost. I looking back, it was waaaayyyy worse with Clomid- I was pretty much a basket case and couldn't talk about pregnancy or infertility without tears welling up in my eyes. Over time, I was able to accept IF (well as much as possible) and the Femara didn't have the crazy emotional side effects.
People who haven't been through this just can't understand, but luckily we have FT to help us through. I'll keep an eye out for your posts- feel free to PM me too if you ever want to chat away from the boards. I'd be more than happy to support you since our journeys seem to be so similar

[BC-Impatient_in_VA]

Go see a real RE, who will prescribe better medications for you. By the time you've hit 150 mg of Clomid, it's time to say:

"This medication does not work for me, or it works but at a detriment to my health, happiness and sanity due to its side effects."

An RE will put you on injectable medications with a trigger shot that will come as close to GUARANTEEING ovulation as you will get this side of heaven. You have only hit the tip of the iceberg as far as treatments for PCOS is concerned.

[fatalchoice]

So I talked to my dr on the phone (well, receptionist who relayed messages) and we're doing one more round of Clomid with Provera to give me my periods.... if I don't ovulate this time, I will be for sure going to see a RE... I'm hopeful it will work this time because even though I have experienced some side effects from Clomid...they do stop once I stop the pills.... and I would much rather continue on something I know than go to the injections (I dont know why, but I'm scared to do them...not the injection itself because I'm not afraid of needles... but just to do them in general...)
I know I havent gone through nearly as much as some women do with PCOS, I'm aware that some women try many years with pills, injections, IVF, etc and still nothing... but even though I'm at the beginning of treatments (or "tip of the iceberg"), it doesn't mean its easy... especially since it seems everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby or having a baby turn 1 this week.... plus I work at a hospital delivering the meal trays so I go on the baby floor quite often and either see "In Labour" signs on doors, or see the moms with the new babies... which does not help at all. And to top it off, everyone is so excited for us to have a baby and its now been over a year of us being married (plus before we even got married/engaged I was so excited to have a baby & everyone knew it), people keep asking if I'm pregnant yet, or if we're trying.... and I don't want to tell everyone our problems so I try to avoid answering but its sooo many people asking!!! (and again, I know many people can relate to this as well)...
Plus, I was real hopeful that this time it worked...especially when I didnt get my period & I O'ed last time I guess I got pre-maturely excited...and was thinking it'd be a great Christmas gift to tell my family we were finally pregnant...
Oh well, take it one step at a time... thanks for listening

[krissers_roro]

I would really move to a RE right away. That was the best decision I ever made! I moved to a RE without even discussing it with my ob/GYN. I did 3 rounds of Clomid and never ovulated any of those times, so don't be discouraged! Clomid did nothing to me, and then I moved to a RE and am on my first cycle of injectables, I ended up with 4 mature follicles! When Clomid didn't work for me I was so upset and worried, but don't be! Sometimes Clomid doesn't work well for women. I wish you lots of luck and don't get discouraged! I've been TTC since 2007 so I know how hard it is to keep your head up, but you just have to believe for the best.

And don't be scared of the injections! They were a breeze for me and I had to do 9 days of them! (Which is a lot, my body just sucks and responded slowly)

And be open with your journey! I use to hide it from people and finally got sick of being asked when we were going to have a baby and finally started telling people. It was another one of the best decisions I made, some people do say stupid things once in awhile, but for the most part I have so many supporters that help me so much that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

[fatalchoice]

thank you krissers_roro, oddly enough, you did kind of calm my nerves on the innjections...

However.... today is day 49 of my cycle.... last month when I did ovulate from Clomid 150mg, I got my period on day 32. After day 35 of this month, I had a pregnancy test done (urine and blood) came back negative, and no signs of a period.... figured I didn't ovulate (however no bloodwork was done to test of I O'ed or not), and was getting ready to start Provera this coming week to try another round of Clomid 150mg before I went to an RE.... I went to the washroom at work, and there was blood on the toilet paper.... bright red blood, nothing in the toilet just a bit on the paper.... each time I've gone there's been blood on the toilet paper but none in the toilet..still bright red but now its more faded....
Is it possible to have my period day 32 of one cycle then day 49 on the next??? Or is this something different??? I'm so confused if I should be excited because its my period which means I actually ovulated when I thought I didnt... or if it means something else?? But what???
It's too late to call the DR now, and our wait times in emerg are soo long that I don't think it's serious enough to go there.... but I don't know if I should just wait and see how it plays out to figure out if its my period before I talk to a DR???