**Sorry, but my intro contains preg. loss, m/c & brief living w/infertility rant**
I don't know where to start, but I'm pretty sure whatever I put here, almost everyone will be able to relate or understand.
I'm 32, TTC for eons. Had unexplained hormone imbalances causing my infertility, then eventually developed endometriosis, fibroids, then the dreaded "C" word (cancer) came along & slammed all TTC efforts to a screaming halt.
It feels unfair. (Who around here hasn't said that a few times, huh? LOL) I have 2 sisters, one older, one younger, who've lead irresponsible lives (multiple baby-daddies, drugs, etc) & have had a gaggle of children each...
I have half a closet full of new, perfectly folded & preserved baby clothes and other baby stuff, you name it, carefully put away all this time, in HOPES that maybe we'd eventually get lucky & get blessed w/what so many take for granted, but would be the biggest miracle of all for us. I know what it's like to avoid baby showers & run like hell from the baby aisles in stores & to experience huge envy & disappointment anytime anyone you know is expecting. Especially if it's someone younger than you or someone who wasn't even TTC (Lucky them!). I also know the heartbreak of when all your friends start moving away from you in order to spend more time w/other mommies & inadvertently (or in one case for me, purposely) start to exclude you from invitations to BBQ's, going out to lunch & the girl's day/night out that you used to enjoy w/them before they started having children.
I lost a baby at 22wks when I was married to my first husband. Took 6 more yrs to get pregnant again, now w/my 2nd husband, w/a due date of Christmas day, only to m/c a few weeks into my pregnancy around Mother's day 6yrs ago. Still kept TTC. Then 2 yrs ago was diagnosed w/uterine fibroids & endometriosis. Last yr. after an ultrasound revealed a "funny" looking fibroid which prompted my OB/GYN to want to do a uterine biopsy w/hysterscopy, I was later diagnosed w/uterine cancer. Any hopes of having a baby of my own were completely thrown out the window.
We never got the chance to try treatments as they are not covered by my insurance & my husband unfortunately has been a victim of the economy & was out of work for over 3yrs until very recently. We know that adoption is always an option, and I'd always wanted to adopt, no matter if I could conceive or not, but at the moment, we can't afford that, either. Not sure when, if ever, either. The economy, plus having cancer have eliminated any savings we had, plus put us in a situation where we're not sure we'll ever have a savings again.
Anyway, just going through another rough spell. I wish there was a pill for "Baby-Brain" LOL. Even though I know that getting pregnant will never happen for me now, the Baby-Brain & the I-wish-I-could-have-a-baby blues still manages to kick my @ss on a regular basis.
Thanks for listening!
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12-09-2011, 10:22 PM #1FreeSpiritRoseRegistered Userhas no status.
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
Another newbie here *waves*
12-10-2011, 08:31 PM #2
I'm so sorry for all the struggles you have gone through in your fertility journey. I think it's great that you have such a fiesty and gungho spirit and it's so encouraging to see! Good luck on your journey to motherhood! I'm sure when the time is right, you will be blessed with children - whether it be through adoption, DE or biologically.Me: 28 & DH: 26 <married 4+ yrs>
~11/09: No AF after BCPs (taken for 4.5 years) discontinued *
~4/10: Diagnosed with POF.. FSH = 85, AMH = less than 0.1
~4/10: Started TCM
~11/11: FSH = 82, AMH = less than 0.1, all other levels are normal & perfect uterus
*12/11: starting a "fertility fund" - hard decision made with DH = pursuing DE spring of 2013 if nothing else happens*
12-19-2011, 03:31 PM #3SC-Impatient_in_VASite Coordinator*ments* Baby pic in album
- Join Date
- May 2011
- My Mood
FreeSpiritRose Have you considered embryo adoption? Donor embryos? It is much cheaper and faster than regular adoption, and it offers you the chance to be pregnant after all. Most REs offer this service, additionally the site "California Conceptions" offers a 3 cycles for $10k with a money-back guarantee deal.
I hope this helps, or gives you hope, or at least helps you decide your next step, one way or another!
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