hello :) i'm a little nervous--but never know where to turn

[ttcsince2005]

Hi Everyone, I'm Gina- I turned 30 a week ago today and I always maintain that rough tough attitude ..that I can handle anything--and in reality I'm scared s***less.

I've dealt with infertility for the past 4 years like a maniac, seriously it took over my life. Anytime I tried to give it up---something came to remind me and got me going again.

I have been ttc since 2005 and I have taken as much as I can. It's put a lot of tension between my husband and I because basically I feel like I'm not a woman--because I cant conceive by making love with my husband. It's a thorn in my side everytime we are intimate.

After so many RE's told me that there's only so many IUI's you can do before you are exhausted from it (medically not financially) I finally threw in the towel and looked for my next step.

October 5th I'll be going in for an anesthesia consult & class to start an IVF treatment.

I dont care what it takes..i'm going to be there & go through successfully.

I'm just scared. I'm excited......really really excited...but honestly I"m scared. I dont know what to expect at all!!! They are trying to prep me as much as possible--and i'm stuck sometimes w/ the what ifs....like "what if my eggs aren't good" --and it's like too bad so sad feeling....that's what always withheld me from even attempting IVF--

I sometimes dont know what to do or say---lots of people in my life cant even start to imagine what i'm going through-so at times I just keep it inside.

I hope this is a place where I can vent- reach out-and get some of the "support" I need. I have a great support group of about 10 girls that are all going through different things from secondary infertility, adoption, endo, pcos and etc....and although I love them-sometimes I need the one on one-sounds selfish; but I get thrown around too much w/ that many people in one section.

Thanks for listening.

[iloveoange]

Hi Gina...i am new here and i just wanted to say welcome! This is truly a great site and we get to meet ppl. who can understand our situation and know where we are coming from. I do want to add one thing tho...please do not feel bad that you are unable to conceive a child the usual way. This is really not our fault, or anyone's fault for that matter. I think you must truly stop feeling bad about an issue you have no hand in..but feel proud that you are taking the issue in your stride and are working on having a baby and dealing with the situation. Want to wish you and your husband the best of luck

[BC-MomZ]

Welcome to Fertile Thoughts. Although I hate having to welcome new people, it is great we have this website to help us all!
I personally never did IVF, but I beleive its good that you went though IUI first (with injectables?). I think it gives everyone a good indication of what is to come with IVF. I wish you lots of luck and hope this is the last cycle you have to do for a VERY long time!
~Julie

[saralee16]

I am new to this site. I came across it after my first failed iui when I bagan searching for some suppport. I am 30 years old and my DH and I have been trying for 2 years. In May we finally decided to see a RE. He diagnosed me with PCOS And ENDO. I had the laproscopy done in June and after 2 months of strict medication we were able to prepare for our first iui. There is nothing wrong with my husband in fact he has above avaerage sperm count. First iui in August I was on 50mg Chlomid coupled with FSH injections. I had 3 large follicles and I was really hopeful because everything seemed to go great. I wasn't aware that the FSH injections had side effects of pregnancy. I was so very hopeful and so when my test came back negative I was more devestated than I thought I would be. I regrouped with the help of reading some of the posts on here and we began the 2nd cycle in Sept. I however grew a cycst on my left ovary and the cycle was cancelled right before the iui. Again another month we will have to wait. It was after this that I decided to join this forum. I don't really have any friends or anyone close to me who has gone through IF. In fact I come from a large family of 6 siblings with most of them having several children of their own. I am having a hard time concentrating at work. I have a stressful job and I am wondering if for my third iui I should take a Leave of Absence. The third iui is the last one covered by insurance and it is really important to me and my husband thinks it would be a good idea. Just thought if anyone had any thoughts.

[iloveoange]

saralee...if you have vacations left i would think taking a few days off would help. You anyway need a break to concentrate on yourself and relax and i think the less stress the better. Take care..i am sure third time is a charm

[StayinPositive]

Hey Gina,
I'm sorry you feel this way but I thought I share some good news. I am not sure if you already know but the government set up a fertility program called NYS Fertility Demonstration program that will provide financial need to those couples who wish to go through IVF. There are some restrictions and qualifications that you will need to meet in order for you to qualify. If accepted, they even pay for the meds But this program expires March2010. Its tough but you will get through it ... I myself have been ttc for over 2 years, 29 years old and diagnosed with a translocation and low egg reserve ... went through 3 failed pregnancies with 3 of them very painful ... have faith, it will come

[tink18]

Hi Gina!! I'm also new. I don't have too much support to offer as I haven't done IVF but I wanted to say congrats on taking that step! This is a big deal and I think you feeling scared and excited are 2 completely normal feelings to have right now!
I can tell you that reading your posts was like reading my own thoughts so know you are not alone!!!
Good luck!