Poor egg quality....I'm so sad

[pinku]

Hi all, I posted this on the IVF boards but I also thought i'd post here in case anyone has any thoughts for me. I'm feeling so terrible right now.

We had our first BFN from IVF last month and finally today I saw the RE for a follow up to talk about what information he gleaned from the IVF.
Well he has a suspicion that I may have poor egg quality. The IVF showed 13 eggs, 11 fertilized and 2 (ONLY 2!!!) survived to day 3. I guess that coupled with a borderline high FSH are leading him to SUSPECT poor ovarian reserve/poor quality. So he is still recommending we go ahead with another IVF but my odds of conceiving are NOT as great.
We'll see from trial number 2. DH and I are hoping it was a fluke and next cycle we'll have better luck with embryo quality. But if not...that'll tell a lot.
So that's where it is. I'm so devastated. I'm only 30 years old. And the high possiblity is that my eggs are more like a 40 year old. I know my options likely point toward donor eggs if my RE is right. DH wants to ask my sister (if it comes to that) but i feel that if we do that, she'll always see my child as hers and i don't know if i can handle that. I have so many thoughts right now and i tried to bottle them all up because DH is already upset enough as it is. I feel like i have failed him.
I felt like my heart broke when the RE finally came out with his suspicions. The only positive thing i can say is my RE is so awesome, he had us in his office for about 90 minutes. I was doing my best not to cry.
What a terrible day.
Please help
pinku

[Maybe A Baby]

Don't give up hope yet, it doesn't sound like your doctor has. Your doctor does sound good. He's letting you know there may be a roadblock and to prepare yourselves in case you have to find another route to parenthood. It gives you time to think about alternatives and to talk with each other.

You haven't failed yourself or your husband. The problem is biological, not something you created, and you are going through a heck of a lot to try and overcome it. If it cannot be, then you will need to discuss options between the three of you---you, hubby, and RE.

Take a deep breath and be gentle on yourself. Thank goodness there are alternatives to look into.

Best wishes to you on your journey to parenthood.

M. A B.

[pinku]

MAB
thank you so much for your response.
Pinku

[twiggy]

PinkU - So sorry to hear . I was wondering if there was any way that RE could check your egg quality. 30 sounds really young to have poor quality. I understand your RE is really good but what about a second opinion; just to give u more options/ alternatives.
Good luck..

[Little fluff]

Hugs Pinku.

[mariab1976]

Hi pinku,
My son was conceived using eggs from my sister. She has 2 kids of her own.

~ My story~(short version)

3 years ago my doctors were convinced they removed all of my ovarian tissue due to precancerous cells and multiple cyst. So, at the time my husband and I believed this would be our only way to have kids. Jump ahead 3 years and I am in the 2WW using my own eggs. (Doctors...go figure)


Anyway my sister does really love my son, but since I carried him, nursed him, and I am his mother in every sense of the word this feeling has never come up. I love my sister for doing it for me, she did offer to do it again.

All of this is to say that if it comes down to donor eggs from your sister she will love your child more but will probably view him/her as your child, because you are doing all the hard work to bring them into the world.

~hope this helps ease your mind a bit~
Maria

[pinku]

Thank you for the responses(and the hugs)...it helps so much.
I have thought about a 2nd opinion but right now i feel great trust in my doctor. He's nowhere near recommending donor eggs. He feels going forward with another IVF will be a good indicator of our situation, we just don't have enough data yet. It's true what M.A.B. said, he's just trying to prepare us for the possibliity and I am glad that he did. I would be upset if he suspected this and DIDN'T tell us the whole story.

twiggy, as far as i know, there isn't any other way to check egg quality aside from watching them fertilize and develop. Otherwise they are looking at my FSH. I have had it checked 2x and without filing through all my pages of lab results, my FSH is something between 8-9. I guess this is BORDERLINE too high.

Mariab, thanks for the story. My sister is truly a wonderful person, she has even offered to be a surrogate for me. It's MY issue. I fear that I would feel like less of a "mother" and ohhhhhhh...I haven't begun to allow myself to think through how i feel about donor eggs. My brain just blanks out when i even approach the idea.

deep breath...........
thank you all for your responses
Pinku

[DreamingOfABaby]

Pinku,
I know this is YEARS old... but I'm new to this forum and I think I'm in the same place as you were. 2 failed IVFs... only 29 y/o... Dr has sited egg quality as the only issue she sees on both attempts.

Wondering how things turned out for you, and if you learned anything value (alternate options/perspectives) that I could learn from.

Thank you!!

[WhitneyAtFertilityAuthority]

Dreamin: I just sent you a private message, hope you check it out. Many of us have failed more than 5 or 6 IVF's and went on to have babies with or without donor eggs. Please try not to lose hope. After a BFN, it's totally normal to take time to regroup and ask for information and support, just like you are doing. All positivity and good vibrations your way.