I just had the worst talk with dh not so dh!

[sarafina]

Before he left the house this morning he cornered me and asked me what my plan was for my career lately. I have not talked about it much, but I am a fitness model who also competes in fitness competitions.I have been published in the fitness magazines several times. Well I was suppose to compete this July and we just got back some photos from a shoot I did in L.A. last Nov. and a supplement co. wants to hire me to do a fat burner ad. DH is my manager. Well he has no idea that I may be pg right now! Only that I wanted to start ttc this summer after that show in July. Well he must have thought that it was a just a phase that I am going thru bcuz when I told him this morning that I don't think that I am doing the show now and that I want to ttc earlier he said to me in a stern voice that if I get pg that my modeling and competing career are over. And that there is no turning back. He feels like since I have become a housewife ( we own sports supplement stores) that it is not in my face everyday like it was so I am not surrounded by it to keep me focused. I have told him and he has seen it for himself that I have seen many women still compete and still model afterwards. I was crushed to hear him say those things to me. Am I just being overly sensitive or is he right. Do I have to choose between my passion of competing and motherhood?
Sorry so long I am just so crushed and confused

[raytw]

in no way do i think your career would be over or that you should have to choose between or put off your dream of having a family.
dh's just don't understand sometimes and only look at the practical things good luck to you and praying for all your dreams and goals to come true!

[hopefull26]

I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time with DH. That seems awfully insensitive. I do not think that you will have to choose between your career and a family. Any thing is possible to achieve! In fact, you may find that once you have a baby you don't want your career any more. :-)

As for DH all I can really offer is my opinion. :-) No real solid answers. However, perhaps DH is not as supportive of your feelings due to the fact that he already has children. Have you equated your want for a child with his love for his own? Confirm with him how much he loves his children, and tell him that that is what you want in your life. Or, perhaps DH just wants you to focus's on your career because he is scared to deal with IF and does not want to see you go through hard times. Guys never talk about their emotions. May be you need to corner him and ask him how he really feels, not about your career, but about starting a family. Good luck! Let us know what happens.

[RRose]

Sara,

Just my $0.02, but there are SO many women who have had babies, plural, who come back and are gorgeous, and can model and compete w/o problem. Why would DH think your commitment would lapse, if that is your passion? You know how men are...assume once a baby is born, the woman will just devote her entire life to that child. Not that your priorities won't change, but there are endless #s of women who are devoted to both their families and their careers.

Best of luck to you!


RRose

[2NDIMOM]

Not to mention there is a magazine called Fit Pregnancy!!!!! One door closed ...another door opens!!!!

Vicki

[sarafina]

thank you so much ladies for all of your support. Unfortunately we have not had time to discuss anything yet since he is at work. And the bad part is we usually talk 4 6 times a day. He didn't call me once and I only called him around 4pm to try and break the ice a bit. I have no idea what is going thru his head. To make things worse AF came today. I am so sad I thought for sure this was it. Well now I need to make a decision to compete or not compete that is the question. I may have to put the ttc on the back burner until after Oct. now. The way things are going for my career they are starting to get better which is why dh is so against it right now. The way I look at it I can compete this summer go for nationals as well make a guest appearance at the Olympia in Sept. then ttc with IUI then have it before next season starts for me. That will have to be the plan. And like you said Vicki there is also fit pregnancy and a number of pg mags that I could shoot for! I will keep you guys posted on whats happening and even though I may not continue to ttc now I will still stop by to see how everyone else is doing and wish you all the best. I hope all of your dreams come true very soon

[momo5]

That is so ridiculous sarafina!!!! Look at Elle Mcpherson, Heidi Klum , all the supermodels are doing it!!! Just know that when it comes to DH's not being on the same page as us, you are not alone. My husband and I have had so many knock down drag out fights over the whole infertility thing. And we still do. Over the years he has gotten better and gotten a clue. But for the longest time he didn't want anything to do with it- and though he'd never admit it-I think he was rather threatened by it. Like I was taking away my body and passion from him and focusing it all on getting a baby- of course he was right- but he needed a little encouragement. I have several friends in our TTC boat as well who have problems with the DH. He needs to come around and realize how very important this is to you. And realize that there is a time issue at play- you can't wait till you're 45 to decide you want to have ababy- you need to work on it earlier. You can absolutely have a career and babies and all the above and he has to digest that. I wish you the best. know that you are not alone. I once almost gave my husband a concussion because I threw my clear blue easy fertility monitor at his head in absolute rage --I am not condoning violence but it did get his attention.

[Adrienne]

dh's can get really freaked when they think of the massive changes a baby will bring into their lives. the biggest change is that they are no longer top dog in their dw's eyes. My dh went through some real anxiety over finances.

Sending him a swift kick in the pants though!

[med]

sarafina- imho, I feel that if modeling is your passion, it will continue after motherhood. DH's rxn may be more his fear of being a father and change than your career. I know for my DH and I, prior to IF tx, DH constantly mentiond how much money a baby would be and how we couldn't do this or that anymore. I actually think IF has helped him realize just how much he wanted to be a father by having time to deal with his fears. Does your age factor? For me, pointing out to DH that I really only have four more years before things become even more complicated. I also came to a point in our marriage where I told DH he doesn't have to become a father, but I need to be a mother and if he wasn't on board we needed to move on seperately. It sounds harsh, but this was a four year back and forth conversation and I was very honest before we got married about motherhood. Plus during our engagement DH also said he wanted kids...we got to a point where we went to a marriage counselor to help figure everything out.

Fast forward to today: DH and I are absolutely committed to seeing this through. His rxn was completly based on fear of change and the unknown. Our marraige is much stronger because of the struggle we had. IF has actually brought us much closer emotionally!

Good luck!