Newbie (sort of) just looking for an ear and some support

angieinoh · 12-31-2005, 11:04 PM

I'm a newbie, sort of because I used to visit these message boards 7 years ago. After 3 rounds of clomid I conceived my son who is now almost 6. So here I am 6 years later and am mostly just looking for some support. It's always comforting coming back to something so familiar, or maybe I should rephrase that and say to a place with so much support.

So in the past 6 years DH and I have tried on and off to conceive using clomid, every time it comes to the point of moving onto IUI and we never go through with it. Mostly because our brief period of getting along is over with and we're at ends with each other. Needless to say it's been a struggling marriage. So now I'm 30 going on 31 and my clock is ticking. I know the odds are slowly diminishing with each passing year. I long for another child it pains my heart. So I find there's always a breaking point when you need to reach out for some support and mine was tonight. We went out to dinner with my family, mom, dad, two sisters and brother in law. It was a new years eve celebration. The appatizers weren't even passed out yet when my brother in law said he wanted to say something. And there it was, my sister was pregnant again. She just turned 25 and has a 1 yr old daughter. My heart sank like a brick and my stomach was on the tip of my lips. I'm just glad we hadn't started eating yet, I probably would have choked on my food. It took all I had to not start bawling right then and there. Thank goodness it was a dimly lit place as I could hide the few tears that did whell up. My son, bless his heart, asked if we could give him a brother. Just pour salt in the wound. So I've spent my New Years Eve crying until nothing more can come out.

I realize many of you are struggling just to have one child, my heart is with you and appoligize if this seems a bit greedy.

My marriage is at a standstill. We keep saying we're going to stick it out and make it work. Until then there's no plans on ttc. I admit it, my DH is the only one with a level head and refuses to try to get pg. Me, I'd lay down and get shot up with whatever they wanted to give me just to have a chance.

Thanks for lending an ear. Keep me in your prayers.

KnittingMarie · 12-31-2005, 11:18 PM

Angie,

I see that you are online. if you would like to chat meet me in the chat room.

god bless.

damina · 01-02-2006, 01:59 AM

Angie,
Happy new year (although it didn't start well for you...)

I'm 31 years old and have no children. I understand your desire and need for another child. It doesn't really matter if you have one already. Wanting to love and care for someone is never greedy or selfish.

I comletely understand what you're going through with your sister being pregnant. Jealousy is a very consuming feeling, however justified in this case. I 've been overwhelmed by jealousy in the past year and it took me a lot of browsing through this board to realise it's only normal...

What really made me relate to your story was the part with your husband. When we were diagnosed with male factor infertility, my husband appeared really calm at first, as if it was nothing. After a while I found out he was having an affair (as a reaction to his "insulted" manhood i guess...). I really wanted to have a baby, I love my husband, but my marriage was going down the drain... I could feel my biological clock ticking and it drove me crazy...

What I did was that I forgot about ttc for a while and tried to save my marriage. Wanting a baby was secondary for me. After all, I wanted a baby because I love my Dh so much. If that love was gone there would be no place for the baby...

After a few months of effort, tears, fights and discussion, we managed to start over. Since then my husband is very devoted and is determined to do anything to have a baby.

It may seem to you that you're old, but take a look around: women have babies at the age of 40+. You're still young! Take the time to heal your relationship, it will be the best for all of you. The emotional gap you might be feeling now could be the result of your bad relationship, not the need for another baby.

I wish you all the best for the new year, take good care of yourself and your family and the rest will come!

LOL
Damina

angieinoh · 01-02-2006, 09:01 AM

Damina,Thanks for the kind words.

Working on the marriage is the right thing. My husband completely understands this. Like I said earlier, he is the one with the level head. Its me, I know this sounds awful but I just don't want to wait anymore. We've been "working" on the marriage for 6 yrs. (although it's probably only been half heartdly). No one is going anywhere. Of course I think of all the scenarios. I stay in this marriage and keep working on it for another 2 yrs, it ends in divorce by then I'll be 33. It'll take another 5 years to remarry (if I'm lucky), by then I'll be 38. And by then chances of getting pregnant have diminished greatly...... It's amazing what your mind can think of late at night!

Why'd my sister have to go and do this? It's just put this whole thing on the front burner. It's so terrible being this angry at her. She's the one that didn't want kids, the first one was an oops. I'm so mad. I know that things have changed for her after the first one. I'm sure the second was planned. But it doesn't make things any easier for me.

Alright, I'm done pouting for the day. Thanks for listening.

angie

Little fluff · 01-03-2006, 05:46 AM

Angie

I think that is some good advice from Damina to try to give your marriage a little work 1st. TTC as you know can be hard on the very best of relationships I would hate to think what it could do to one that is already struggling. Good luck.

Damina

How sad for you that your DH had an affair, I really commend you for working together to repair your marriage. May you and your hubby be blessed and have a long, lasting and happy marriage.

Debbie

12-31-2005, 11:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
angieinoh 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 150	Newbie (sort of) just looking for an ear and some support I'm a newbie, sort of because I used to visit these message boards 7 years ago. After 3 rounds of clomid I conceived my son who is now almost 6. So here I am 6 years later and am mostly just looking for some support. It's always comforting coming back to something so familiar, or maybe I should rephrase that and say to a place with so much support. So in the past 6 years DH and I have tried on and off to conceive using clomid, every time it comes to the point of moving onto IUI and we never go through with it. Mostly because our brief period of getting along is over with and we're at ends with each other. Needless to say it's been a struggling marriage. So now I'm 30 going on 31 and my clock is ticking. I know the odds are slowly diminishing with each passing year. I long for another child it pains my heart. So I find there's always a breaking point when you need to reach out for some support and mine was tonight. We went out to dinner with my family, mom, dad, two sisters and brother in law. It was a new years eve celebration. The appatizers weren't even passed out yet when my brother in law said he wanted to say something. And there it was, my sister was pregnant again. She just turned 25 and has a 1 yr old daughter. My heart sank like a brick and my stomach was on the tip of my lips. I'm just glad we hadn't started eating yet, I probably would have choked on my food. It took all I had to not start bawling right then and there. Thank goodness it was a dimly lit place as I could hide the few tears that did whell up. My son, bless his heart, asked if we could give him a brother. Just pour salt in the wound. So I've spent my New Years Eve crying until nothing more can come out. I realize many of you are struggling just to have one child, my heart is with you and appoligize if this seems a bit greedy. My marriage is at a standstill. We keep saying we're going to stick it out and make it work. Until then there's no plans on ttc. I admit it, my DH is the only one with a level head and refuses to try to get pg. Me, I'd lay down and get shot up with whatever they wanted to give me just to have a chance. Thanks for lending an ear. Keep me in your prayers.

12-31-2005, 11:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
KnittingMarie 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: May 2005 Location: Southwest MO Posts: 4,178 Blog Entries: 43	Angie, I see that you are online. if you would like to chat meet me in the chat room. god bless. __________________ Dx PCOS in 1999; Married to Jim in 2002 Proud Mama to five miracles: Bonnie 2 years, and The Quads: Melanie, Oliver, Teddy, and Audrey, 7 months!

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01-02-2006, 01:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
damina Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Greece Posts: 9	Angie, Happy new year (although it didn't start well for you...) I'm 31 years old and have no children. I understand your desire and need for another child. It doesn't really matter if you have one already. Wanting to love and care for someone is never greedy or selfish. I comletely understand what you're going through with your sister being pregnant. Jealousy is a very consuming feeling, however justified in this case. I 've been overwhelmed by jealousy in the past year and it took me a lot of browsing through this board to realise it's only normal... What really made me relate to your story was the part with your husband. When we were diagnosed with male factor infertility, my husband appeared really calm at first, as if it was nothing. After a while I found out he was having an affair (as a reaction to his "insulted" manhood i guess...). I really wanted to have a baby, I love my husband, but my marriage was going down the drain... I could feel my biological clock ticking and it drove me crazy... What I did was that I forgot about ttc for a while and tried to save my marriage. Wanting a baby was secondary for me. After all, I wanted a baby because I love my Dh so much. If that love was gone there would be no place for the baby... After a few months of effort, tears, fights and discussion, we managed to start over. Since then my husband is very devoted and is determined to do anything to have a baby. It may seem to you that you're old, but take a look around: women have babies at the age of 40+. You're still young! Take the time to heal your relationship, it will be the best for all of you. The emotional gap you might be feeling now could be the result of your bad relationship, not the need for another baby. I wish you all the best for the new year, take good care of yourself and your family and the rest will come! LOL Damina

01-02-2006, 09:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
angieinoh 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 150	Damina,Thanks for the kind words. Working on the marriage is the right thing. My husband completely understands this. Like I said earlier, he is the one with the level head. Its me, I know this sounds awful but I just don't want to wait anymore. We've been "working" on the marriage for 6 yrs. (although it's probably only been half heartdly). No one is going anywhere. Of course I think of all the scenarios. I stay in this marriage and keep working on it for another 2 yrs, it ends in divorce by then I'll be 33. It'll take another 5 years to remarry (if I'm lucky), by then I'll be 38. And by then chances of getting pregnant have diminished greatly...... It's amazing what your mind can think of late at night! Why'd my sister have to go and do this? It's just put this whole thing on the front burner. It's so terrible being this angry at her. She's the one that didn't want kids, the first one was an oops. I'm so mad. I know that things have changed for her after the first one. I'm sure the second was planned. But it doesn't make things any easier for me. Alright, I'm done pouting for the day. Thanks for listening. angie

01-03-2006, 05:46 AM	#5 (permalink)
Little fluff 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Albury NSW - Australia Posts: 1,908	Angie I think that is some good advice from Damina to try to give your marriage a little work 1st. TTC as you know can be hard on the very best of relationships I would hate to think what it could do to one that is already struggling. Good luck. Damina How sad for you that your DH had an affair, I really commend you for working together to repair your marriage. May you and your hubby be blessed and have a long, lasting and happy marriage. Debbie