Need some advise PLEASE--this will be a long one

4stgal · 06-08-2005, 05:20 PM

I need some advise and I will try to make it as short as possible.

Eleven years ago, when I was 20, I went to my obgyn for the first time because I had a AF for 6 months. He performed a D & C and removed a ovarian cyst. I continued to see this doctor and when I was 25, I went off the pill. He told me that it will be hard for me to get pg without help. I actually kind of accepted this idea. When over 3 years past with no baby, I didn't think much about it.

Well, in Nov. 2003, I found out from my pcp that I was pg. I called my obgyn and set up an appointment for a couple of weeks. Exactly one week later, I mc. By time I got to the obgyn, my beta was below 5. I cried for weeks.

I again began to accept that I may not have kids again, but Nov. 2004 rolled around, and I found out I was pg again. This is where things with my obgyn get complicated. I went to see him on Mon and my betas were rising, but on Wed, I was told that my betas fell and it was a mc. The betas were 259 the first time, but I dont know what they were the 2nd time. I again was devastated. I returned to the dr 2 weeks later. My betas were over 1200. I was shocked. Was I still pg? What was going on? I went back and the betas began to slowly fall. The cr thought they weren't falling fast enough and did a D & C.

After that he did all the IF testing, including an HSG. Everything was normal. But when I called to discuss the results, he acted as if he had no clue I had the tests done. I just brushed all of it off as miscommunication.

He put me on Met and Clomid. I went in to get a 20 day test to see if I ovulated. When AF did not come, I went back. He said I did not ov and gave me prometrium to get AF. A few weeks later, I went back to see him cause I had a positive hpt. He did an us and said he saw a heartbeat.

A week later, I started to spot. I had another us. There was no heartbeat. He told me to go to his office the next Mon to have another us to make sure. When I went to the office, he never told them I was suppose to get a us done, plus they did not have the 2nd us results. My dh listened in the waiting room while the staff discussed my case and why no one besides me knew why I was there. His nurse practioner scheduled another D & C even without the final us. He performed the operation two days later because there was no heartbeat.

I asked about antibiotics for the D & C. He said I did not need them. Four days after the D & C, dh rushed me to the ER because I was cramping so bad. That doc gave me a stronger pain pill and sent me home. When I went to my doc, he told me I had an infection and gave me antibiotics.

That was a little over a week ago. Yesterday my doc called me. He told me that I do not have the antibodies for rubella and need to get a shot. He also said that I cant get pg for another 3 months. My sis told me that she was tested when she told her obgyn that she was planning on getting pg, but my doc only did the test after I was pg. He ran a bunch of tests after the 2nd mc, and I wonder why not that test so I wouldn't have to keep waiting.

Now to the advise. Who thinks I need a new obgyn? My dh wants me to change after he sat in the waiting room and the staff was talking about not knowing why I was there and where my results were. My mom even said to change, but I have been with him for so long.

Any advise??? Please

das1972 · 06-08-2005, 07:22 PM

Run as fast as you can to get a new doc. This is not only confusing but extremely frightening as well. There are alot of very good doctors out there and when you are talking about your fertility as well as the fact you have been pg before and had all these problems. Maybe a GOOD doctor could help you not only get pg but stay pg and from my experience, if a doctors acts like he has no clue and his staff backs him up, you need to leave and not turn back. This is very scary. I had a similar experience (except not for infertility) and when the doctor acted like he was clueless and his staff acted like I was crazy and made stuff up, I immediately got a new doctor and found out that low and behold, I was not crazy and actually had a real problem and left untreated, it could of got to be a serious problem. I know going to a new doc might be scary, because you have to develope a bond and trust with a new person, but it will be worth it. You DH and mom are right and if you have insurance start by going on their web site and look for a new doc or call the customer service number to find one. If you are self pay, then the medical world is your oyster and start looking right away. Sorry this is so long, but I do feel that if you read your post again, you'll see that you really answered you own question. Take care and good luck.

Dee

sweet2pea2 · 06-08-2005, 07:44 PM

I tottally agree with Dee RUN this dr. sounds horrible! When you get a new dr tell them everything that way maybe they will take better care and explain everything. Good Luck!
-Jennifer

MEstrada · 06-08-2005, 07:48 PM

You are obviously concerned. That's all you need to know. Period. Change doctors. I, too, was afraid to leave my ob/gyn--he's the only one I had ever seen. Now, I can't believe I didn't do it sooner. He's a great doc, don't get me wrong, but I needed to move on to RE and an ob/gyn who was on our new health plan. I was terrified and even paid out of pocket for a year! I've never been more comfortable. Change. Period. Hope this helps!
Maria

4stgal · 06-09-2005, 01:22 PM

Thanks for the advise. I am not sure what to do. I talked to my mom today and she told me that after this past D & C, my doc talked to her. She said he seemed really concerned about my health and well-being. I kind of think that he does care and is a good doc, but I think he is overwhelmed with all his patients. He has his own practice and 2 nurse practioners. In my area, obgyns are leaving because of the high costs of ... well everything. I know he has a lot of patients, so I think his staff is at fault for some of the problems.
I appreciate the advise. I am still torn.

MEstrada · 06-09-2005, 07:06 PM

One thing that helped in my choosing new ob/gyn, is that he delivers. Lot's aren't delivering anymore because of the cost of malpractice and I wanted an all-in-one doc. So, now I have my new ob/gyn and my RE. Just remember, it's no big deal to change, make an appointment with a recommendation, and if it doesn't work, go back. It just sounds like you should try the change--that was what took me so long to do--try the change. Believe me, I was terrified and I loved my doctor. But, you need the good match--especially if working with IF. It's "no big deal" once you try. It's just one appointment. You never have to go back if you don't want to. Of course your doctor cares about you--it's just a "matching" effort. keep me posted!
Maria

Lauren2005 · 06-09-2005, 09:10 PM

Your gut instinct is telling you to seek a new doctor. For that reason alone, you should do it.

Also, you should be seeing an RE, not an OB/GYN. For that reason, find someone new.

In addition, you note "I've been with him for so long," as a reason NOT to change doctors. Actually, I think that may be backwards. If he'd helped you to get successfully pg previously, that would be one thing. But it sounds like all the things he's been doing HAVEN'T been working. Time to get a new doctor!

Lastly, and maybe most importantly, your DH (who may be more objective in this decision, since it's not HIS body) observed enough that he strongly suggested that you change dr's. I'm certainly NOT saying we women are incapable of making our own health decisions, please don't misunderstand me. It's just that here's the love of your life, who cares about you with all his heart, who had a chance to really observe this doctor's office in motion. He's able to step back and evaluate the situation... I'd listen if I were you.

Isn't it so true that this IF process can SOOOO hard on relationships. It seems to me that it can be difficult for DHs to feel involved and capable, even if it's female-IF only. Sounds like your DH is caring, involved, and has a good head on his shoulders. Trying to put myself in his shoes, I imagine that I would be discouraged to see my spouse clinging to a doctor who, in my best judgment, is doing her a disservice. I might be further disappointed if I actually spoke up and she didn't take my comments seriously. I might not bother speaking up again about the situation. Of course, I don't know your DH, so this whole paragraph is just a suggestion for consideration. Either way, I think you have enough reasons to RUN, NOT WALK to the nearest exit and get yourself a new RE (no matter how " really concerned" your mother thinks he is. Concern is one thing. Good medicine is another.)

Hope that's helpful. Lots of baby dust to you.

06-08-2005, 05:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
4stgal Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 102	Need some advise PLEASE--this will be a long one I need some advise and I will try to make it as short as possible. Eleven years ago, when I was 20, I went to my obgyn for the first time because I had a AF for 6 months. He performed a D & C and removed a ovarian cyst. I continued to see this doctor and when I was 25, I went off the pill. He told me that it will be hard for me to get pg without help. I actually kind of accepted this idea. When over 3 years past with no baby, I didn't think much about it. Well, in Nov. 2003, I found out from my pcp that I was pg. I called my obgyn and set up an appointment for a couple of weeks. Exactly one week later, I mc. By time I got to the obgyn, my beta was below 5. I cried for weeks. I again began to accept that I may not have kids again, but Nov. 2004 rolled around, and I found out I was pg again. This is where things with my obgyn get complicated. I went to see him on Mon and my betas were rising, but on Wed, I was told that my betas fell and it was a mc. The betas were 259 the first time, but I dont know what they were the 2nd time. I again was devastated. I returned to the dr 2 weeks later. My betas were over 1200. I was shocked. Was I still pg? What was going on? I went back and the betas began to slowly fall. The cr thought they weren't falling fast enough and did a D & C. After that he did all the IF testing, including an HSG. Everything was normal. But when I called to discuss the results, he acted as if he had no clue I had the tests done. I just brushed all of it off as miscommunication. He put me on Met and Clomid. I went in to get a 20 day test to see if I ovulated. When AF did not come, I went back. He said I did not ov and gave me prometrium to get AF. A few weeks later, I went back to see him cause I had a positive hpt. He did an us and said he saw a heartbeat. A week later, I started to spot. I had another us. There was no heartbeat. He told me to go to his office the next Mon to have another us to make sure. When I went to the office, he never told them I was suppose to get a us done, plus they did not have the 2nd us results. My dh listened in the waiting room while the staff discussed my case and why no one besides me knew why I was there. His nurse practioner scheduled another D & C even without the final us. He performed the operation two days later because there was no heartbeat. I asked about antibiotics for the D & C. He said I did not need them. Four days after the D & C, dh rushed me to the ER because I was cramping so bad. That doc gave me a stronger pain pill and sent me home. When I went to my doc, he told me I had an infection and gave me antibiotics. That was a little over a week ago. Yesterday my doc called me. He told me that I do not have the antibodies for rubella and need to get a shot. He also said that I cant get pg for another 3 months. My sis told me that she was tested when she told her obgyn that she was planning on getting pg, but my doc only did the test after I was pg. He ran a bunch of tests after the 2nd mc, and I wonder why not that test so I wouldn't have to keep waiting. Now to the advise. Who thinks I need a new obgyn? My dh wants me to change after he sat in the waiting room and the staff was talking about not knowing why I was there and where my results were. My mom even said to change, but I have been with him for so long. Any advise??? Please

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06-08-2005, 07:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
das1972 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Illinois Posts: 216	Run as fast as you can to get a new doc. This is not only confusing but extremely frightening as well. There are alot of very good doctors out there and when you are talking about your fertility as well as the fact you have been pg before and had all these problems. Maybe a GOOD doctor could help you not only get pg but stay pg and from my experience, if a doctors acts like he has no clue and his staff backs him up, you need to leave and not turn back. This is very scary. I had a similar experience (except not for infertility) and when the doctor acted like he was clueless and his staff acted like I was crazy and made stuff up, I immediately got a new doctor and found out that low and behold, I was not crazy and actually had a real problem and left untreated, it could of got to be a serious problem. I know going to a new doc might be scary, because you have to develope a bond and trust with a new person, but it will be worth it. You DH and mom are right and if you have insurance start by going on their web site and look for a new doc or call the customer service number to find one. If you are self pay, then the medical world is your oyster and start looking right away. Sorry this is so long, but I do feel that if you read your post again, you'll see that you really answered you own question. Take care and good luck. Dee

06-08-2005, 07:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
sweet2pea2 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: pensacola, Fl, Washington, DC Posts: 220	I tottally agree with Dee RUN this dr. sounds horrible! When you get a new dr tell them everything that way maybe they will take better care and explain everything. Good Luck! -Jennifer

06-08-2005, 07:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
MEstrada Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,013	You are obviously concerned. That's all you need to know. Period. Change doctors. I, too, was afraid to leave my ob/gyn--he's the only one I had ever seen. Now, I can't believe I didn't do it sooner. He's a great doc, don't get me wrong, but I needed to move on to RE and an ob/gyn who was on our new health plan. I was terrified and even paid out of pocket for a year! I've never been more comfortable. Change. Period. Hope this helps! Maria

06-09-2005, 01:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
4stgal Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 102	Thanks for the advise. I am not sure what to do. I talked to my mom today and she told me that after this past D & C, my doc talked to her. She said he seemed really concerned about my health and well-being. I kind of think that he does care and is a good doc, but I think he is overwhelmed with all his patients. He has his own practice and 2 nurse practioners. In my area, obgyns are leaving because of the high costs of ... well everything. I know he has a lot of patients, so I think his staff is at fault for some of the problems. I appreciate the advise. I am still torn.

06-09-2005, 07:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
MEstrada Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,013	One thing that helped in my choosing new ob/gyn, is that he delivers. Lot's aren't delivering anymore because of the cost of malpractice and I wanted an all-in-one doc. So, now I have my new ob/gyn and my RE. Just remember, it's no big deal to change, make an appointment with a recommendation, and if it doesn't work, go back. It just sounds like you should try the change--that was what took me so long to do--try the change. Believe me, I was terrified and I loved my doctor. But, you need the good match--especially if working with IF. It's "no big deal" once you try. It's just one appointment. You never have to go back if you don't want to. Of course your doctor cares about you--it's just a "matching" effort. keep me posted! Maria

06-09-2005, 09:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
Lauren2005 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: California Posts: 2,306	Your gut instinct is telling you to seek a new doctor. For that reason alone, you should do it. Also, you should be seeing an RE, not an OB/GYN. For that reason, find someone new. In addition, you note "I've been with him for so long," as a reason NOT to change doctors. Actually, I think that may be backwards. If he'd helped you to get successfully pg previously, that would be one thing. But it sounds like all the things he's been doing HAVEN'T been working. Time to get a new doctor! Lastly, and maybe most importantly, your DH (who may be more objective in this decision, since it's not HIS body) observed enough that he strongly suggested that you change dr's. I'm certainly NOT saying we women are incapable of making our own health decisions, please don't misunderstand me. It's just that here's the love of your life, who cares about you with all his heart, who had a chance to really observe this doctor's office in motion. He's able to step back and evaluate the situation... I'd listen if I were you. Isn't it so true that this IF process can SOOOO hard on relationships. It seems to me that it can be difficult for DHs to feel involved and capable, even if it's female-IF only. Sounds like your DH is caring, involved, and has a good head on his shoulders. Trying to put myself in his shoes, I imagine that I would be discouraged to see my spouse clinging to a doctor who, in my best judgment, is doing her a disservice. I might be further disappointed if I actually spoke up and she didn't take my comments seriously. I might not bother speaking up again about the situation. Of course, I don't know your DH, so this whole paragraph is just a suggestion for consideration. Either way, I think you have enough reasons to RUN, NOT WALK to the nearest exit and get yourself a new RE (no matter how " really concerned" your mother thinks he is. Concern is one thing. Good medicine is another.) Hope that's helpful. Lots of baby dust to you.