hey 'old timers' come out and play!

[mellymom]

anyone out there that started the waaaay old thread that went on forever? come out and play!

melanie

[casey0531]

Are you saying I'm old? Ok, Melanie...just because you look like you're 21 doesn't mean you should rub it in that we all don't! LOL! Kidding!

How's it going? We are great! My son will be 7 this month!! OMG! Where has the time gone! And my little girl will be 4 in January! GEEZ! Feels like just yesterday I started on here and she wasn't even walking. GOLLY!

Melanie...so do tell...whats going on with you? Tell me about all your babies!

[mellymom]

so, the system goes like it goes..........

we signed an 'intent to adopt' Ch on July 30. homestudy paperwork sent on Aug 7 with instructions to start gathering and then someone would call. I called at the end of the month since no one had called. just finished signing on the 'draft' on Nov 23 and it was to be emailed w/attachments to CYS the next day. caseworker was here yesterday for monthly visit. I asked if ART was set up for next Tues, Dec 8....its always the second Tues. uh, no, why? well I told you last week that the homestudy was finished, please call the supervisor and get us on the agenda. she didn't remember, she didn't know. she calls the super, and the super says that since they didn't know they didn't set up an ART.....besides its compromised of supers and they all have lots of time in, sooooo they are all in and out in Dec taking vaca......there won't be an ART in Dec. its okay she says, Jan will be fine. but C has court on Dec 21 and we were trying to get the 'unrelated' fc progressed in the adoption. so now after the visit with mom yesterday for C.....she says she is getting out and that she will be wanting C back. she has connections that have gotten her 'out' before, so I don't doubt that she may have something brewing. needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night, having dreams and just being worried and stressed. I know that doesn't help, but I hate wrinkles in the progress of my boys.

it will all filter out as its supposed to be, but its discouraging when it doesn't fall into place smoothly or quickly. Ch 'shouldn't' go anywhere else, and C even if he went home, he would be back because of the history. I wanted for Christmas the knowledge that both boys would be mine, safe and untouchable by the unknown.


annie is excelling in school, just like I expected. she has a teacher with 20+ yrs of experience (I had her!) and that is making the difference. some brilliant children just need a firm hand and direction! kendell is doing well in K4, there is always the 'but' with a baby who was cocaine/alcohol exposed and her teacher is finding the 'holes' I have been trying to explain to others in her learning. she broke her arm at the wrist, a 'buckle fracture' jumping in the leaves in Oct and 5 weeks in a cute pink cast took care of that. her bones look good, despite her early exposure. abi is getting ready to graduate, packing her room and filling out school applications. she wants to do a 2yr photography school near Pittsburgh. anders is working the Christmas tree farm and lifting...he looks like a teen god. good grief, when did they get so big? aaron is excelling in the school's advanced classes and he is still very social, so its nice having such a friendly nerd in the family.

coming up on my 1 yr anniversary of the 2nd miscarriage, and getting discouraged about biology. I'd like to have a child with Nick, in theory, but at the same time, geez the stress of 7 kids, the house, cys, oh, and I am Madam President of our elementary PTG and that is a story in itself since we had to uproot a few ladies everyone was frustrated with who have been in power for 3 yrs. I'll be 43 on Sunday, so I'm worring its just not going to happen and then with the cys crap going on, I would hate to see either boy go (though if reality really lived at cys, they both would have been mine 6 months ago). I'll just head down, trudge forward. If I learned anything at all about my divorce it is that you can't stop the forward motion of others toward destruction. I'll go with prayer and wait out the storm, there is a rainbow eventually. Maybe I'll go to court hugely pregnant with twins and do the adoption of my boys by May! how's that for a fairytale ending.... or a night mare in others minds.

we got the addition on the house. the contractor did the foundation, the framing and electric/plumbing rough in. we did the insulation and are working on the drywall. 18x26 of 3 stories is taking forever to drywall. on his off days we get usually 6 sheets up, but on the working days its only 1 or 2 after the kids go down at 7 before he goes to sleep after 9. I had hope of being finished before christmas and celebrating, but 2 weeks ago I had to finally let go of that thought and just look at as the loooooonnnnnnngggg winter project. that took the stress off me and him.

so, its been dull around here and I'm still lobbying for a baby girl from cys and they keep telling me I'm crazy! what's up with that?

[casey0531]

GOLLY MEL! You have a ton of stuff going on!! I will definitely keep you in my prayers about the little ones. That is tough but keep remembering that God is much bigger than any of these tough times.

We definitely dont have any thing like that going one. My little man goes back for a check up on Monday to his behavioral therapist. We'll see how it goes. It has been nearly a year since he has been on meds for the ADHD and other unknowns. We did really well with them for such a long time and now they seem to not be doing such a good job. I dont know... We are starting to have issues again in school. It took us hours the other day to get one page of homework done. We would work, then we would break, then we would work, then we would break. It was horrible. I wanted to scream! He knows the stuff backwards and forwards but some days it just can't come out. I feel just terrible for him. Then we got a call from his teacher the other night...his reading is not improving. We read everyday and I was hoping it was just my imagination that it was getting much better but nope...its not. She said he just wont sit down and do anything hardly at school. And she is such a good teacher. Firm and kind all in one. So, I know its breaking her heart too. So, I pray...ALOT! I just don't want him to have such struggles in life. I want his life to be perfect, just like every other parent. We have tried sports and karate and counseling and you name it and we have probably tried it. Poor little guy. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

My little girl on the other hand is just thriving. She use to be so shy and now she is the little loud mouth. FULL of confidence. She is great!
If any of you followed my story before with the bio-mother. Well, she is not doing so well. We dont have any contact with her anymore because of the safety of the kids. She is using and supposably prostituting again. I did see her on the street the other day, walking past Walmart and she looked horrible. She had a black eye and was completely dirty. It made me so sad! But, I planted a seed in her a long time ago that God will water one of these days, if she allows it. I cant help her anymore. I have to let it go. UGH! LIFE! It really stinks sometimes.

BUT besides that...all is well in our household. Got out tree up last night FINALLY! It looks gorgeous! And I put the kids trees up too. They both have little ones in their rooms that they can decorate and undecorate and leave mine alone! LOL!

[mellymom]

my recommendation is not to give up on meds. keep working on the behavior, but the meds,when working, are a help. anders sounds like your son from years ago. 1st grade was the worst. he was so frustrated because an "a" isn't just one sound, but short and long versions. the english language with the th, sh, gh, kinds of blends made him so frustrated. he is still NOT a reader, even things he is interested in. Captain Underpants series was the extent of his interest when young. he did get into the Gary Paulsen books for a bit as he got older. now, he only reads for school work, and that is a struggle. he will spend time lifting in his room before he sits to do the college math or reading now for 11th grade. he is AB smart, but hates to have to study, so he rarely does unless he has to. we did run the gamut of judo, skateboarding (down the 10ft ramps), skiing, rock climbing, dirt bikes, mountain bikes (can't tell you how many bicycles he has trashed)....... everything that takes a pounding he likes to do, but for only a period of time in his life. he has chosen lifting as his fave now, so he has a weight bench in his room, also an Olympic bar. in the garage we have a hand me down universal. he has in the past used the rubber bands, therapy ball, and smaller weights. can you get an OT or PT involved in his life? does he have an IEP? then you can without problem, just harass the powers that be.

we've done prozac, zoloft, strattera as a young kiddo. strattera worked the best and we upped it many times over a 2yr period. now, we are liking Wellbutrin. it is not commonly used for Tourettes but does work. it also works for OCD. do a google on it and research it a bit for his later years. the neuro offered him Tenex (high blood pressure med that is a stimulant) to add to the Wellbutrin, but he hasn't wanted it yet. I tend to keep things 'on stock' for when he decides he wants to medicate again. at 17, you can't really 'make' them, but you can reason with them sometimes. I have to say that there have been alot of adults I know that bounce back and forth from meds because the don't feel 'normal' on the meds. calmer, more capable to handle things, but not 'their normal', so I let him go. giving him some space helps because HE is dealing with it and asks for help as opposed to ME running his life, the power is his.

good luck with the mouth......my little girls sound waaaay too much like my 18 yr baby girl. it only gets worse! it is nice to know that NO ONE will ever get ahead of my girls, they can spell out just what they want or don't!

Dec 6 my bday, Dec 13 nick's bday, Dec 14 K's anniversary of the adoption and then Dec 29 my 2nd wedding anniversary!

[casey0531]

Mel-
Are we really the only two old timers out there? GOLLY! What about tingirl? Where is she? I am gonna find her.

Anyways...
The doctor's appointment went well. We are going to just keep trying what we are doing and see what happens. I am not really up for up'ing his meds just yet. My heart is just telling me that I just need to put a little more into him myself. He is very special little boy and needs a lot of special mommy attention...and daddy too. So, just keep him in your prayers, when you think of it.

I do have a question. When adopting, is ADHD considered a high risk medical condition? Just wondering....

[tingirl]

Hi, Casey- ya found me alright!
Pm -ed you, and I think Mel is up to date on me from somewhere else.

[mellymom]

hi tin.... I was ok on the fostering get together area, but the other parenting area seemed not to fit well at all. I was my usual brash self and insulted a few. but really, my kids aren't the least sad/uncomfortable about their start in life. so, I came back here to see if anyone new ever found this board. a few did, but didn't have the 'wise sages' to ask questions of.

casey, the adhd here must be displayed by the children. they are no longer giving subsidy on necessarily the parents issues that MAY come up in our kids. we have to have something going on with the kids to get subsidy OR sign the paperwork that none is needed now, but will investigate it again in the future as things may come up.

[mellymom]

casey, I just went back and re-read your post about your son. why not up the meds? he has probably gotten taller and even gained a pound or two, not to mention possibly more tolerant of his meds level. if it doesnt take him to zombie level, aggitated beyond belief, or just isn't working, I would definitely up the levels or change meds. those kind of meds don't typically stay 'static' (meaning not changing is what I'm trying to say)like a diabetic and insulin. how old is he now? this is wise mommy advice, not meanness..... but he will need to start learning to be responsible for his feelings on and off the meds, how to cope when he feels he needs to step back and time out himself or identify needing to take meds. I was so frustrated with anders and meds over the years, me pushing him to feel better/behave better and him just using me to settle him or make it better. I'm thinking your guy is nearing 7-9yo? I'm thinking balancing the mommy time needed when he was little with some self reliance. I don't think kids should have to raise themselves, but I don't remember the parents of our era spending so much time/money/energy keeping us 'happy and well adjusted'.....they were more into 'feeding and keeping' us.

do I sound like my brash old self again? I hope you both have a nice holiday! right now my teens are making me frustrated with leaving the nest and me adjusting to grouchy teen attitude with rules and expectations

[mellymom]

anybody watching the ABC adoption/real family/reality show? I'm not interested. there are quite a few families posting other places that are really up in arms about it. I'm feeling pretty 'real' how about you? thankfully my two girls seem very even about adoption, but I think the 'reality' of doing fostercare helps alot.

melanie