Hanging on to a shred of hope.

[Want2BMom2]

Hello,

So, here's my story:

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, TTC for about 3. I am 34, and have endometriosis. After 1.5 years of TTC, I went to my gyno/fertility specialist concerned that nothing was happening, assuming it was my "problem." but, during the protocol of testing for both me and my husband (who is 30), we discovered that he has a severely low sperm count. We were informed that our only chance for conception was IVF with ICI. I started the long journey in January, and wasn't responding well to the stims, so my doctor was considering cancelling, but I decided to push on. I ended up having 8 follicles retrieved on Feb 1st, 5 mature, but only one fertilized. The embryologist called this one embryo "perfect", and transferred it on day 3. On Valentine's Day I "cheated" and took a HPT, and it was positive! My blood work confirmed the pregnancy, but my levels were low. After my second blood test, I got the dreaded call that I would be losing the pregnancy. I took this failure HORRIBLY. I went into a deep depression, missed a few weeks of work (I'm a 4th grade teacher), lost about 20 pounds, and had a difficult time carrying on with my daily responsibilities. It took me almost 7 months to finally feel ready to try the journey again. This time, my doctor felt very confident in the stimulation drugs he ordered for me based on the poor response I had the first time, and he was right...I stimulated REALLY well. On day 6 He was counting 15+ follicles! but then my blood work came in from that day, and it showed I started to surge naturally. I tried saving the cycle with ganorelix, but it was too late, and cycle # 2 had to be cancelled.

So, that brings me to today. I am going to attempt cycle three as soon as my period starts in about 2 weeks. After the first two attempts, my doctor seems extremely confident that he knows *just* what to do to have me respond well to stims, and prevent early surge/cancellation of this cycle. I am at my wit's end with this journey, and am placing my last shred of hope that this time will be a success, because the last thing I want to do is attempt IVF after work starts back up in September; especially since I attribute the failure of cycle 1 with my EXTREME stress associated with my job.

I guess I am just looking to connect with other "fertility-challenged" people that might have shared similar experiences with me. Nothing has helped me through this journey more than the support I've received from others who have had "been there."

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to hearing back from you!

[Want2BMom2]

So I had an ultrasound when I started my period after my cancelled cycle. The US showed that all of my follicles were still very prominent, but they and my ovaries have shrunk. I was so disappointed because I thought I'd be starting IVF attempt #3. My doc put me on 16 days of BCP's and told me to call once my period starts again so he could do another check. I have NO hope that the follicles will disappear by then. More bad news is that even if they do, IVF retrieval and transfer will take place after work resumes. I will even have to call out the 2nd or 3rd day of school! I know i have to prioritize, but this process SUCKS! I really wanted to complete attempts 2 and 3 during the summer so work and stress didn't interfere. It's just so frustrating. As if infertility isn't challenging enough, playing this waiting game is throwing an ever bigger wrench into my attempts to start a family. Has anyone else experienced these issues after a cancelled cycle? Positive stories needed, PLEASE! Thanks...

[TracyAtFertilityAuthority]

Your story is all too familiar. My husband and I were married for approximately 5 years and TTC for 3 before we seeked help. We did IVF and, if I remember correctly, had three follicles, three matured and two "perfect" embryos were transferred. Remember...it only takes one. We were lucky and had a daughter, but getting pregnant a second time proved to be even more difficult. The cancelled cycles are the worst because you've psyched yourself up and started hoping for the best. I can tell you this...it'll be worth the wait. When your time finally comes, the time that you spent waitng will seem like nothing. The thought of doing a cycle right when you go back to work is stressful to think about, but maybe you can find someone who you can confide in who will help you out. Stay positive and keep your eye on your goal...having a baby. Work will always be there and you'll be missing a day for the best reason I can think of. Positive thoughts being sent your way.

[Want2BMom2]

Thanks Tracy. I wish my first IVF experience turned out the way yours did...I'd be expecting my first baby in 2 short months if it did I had no idea what complications came from a cancelled cycle. I just assumed I would start back up at my next period- I had no idea I'd end up having to wait even longer! This is absolute TORTURE! I have such a hard time taking off work- it really makes my job as a teacher more difficult because the kids rely on the structure and stability their classroom teacher gives them. But at least this will be the first week and hopefully it won't be too difficult on the kids or me! Having a baby is the most important thing for me right now, so I have to focus on that. It really helps to connect with and chat with people who *get* what I am going through, so I really appreciate your response. Hopefully my time will come soon...best of luck on your journey for miracle #2

[KimAtFertilityAuthority]

Hi Want2BMom2,

I am so sorry for your failed and canceled cycles I have PCOS, and I know the feeling of canceled cycles all too well. It can be really devastating! Like Tracy said, it only takes one. This WILL happen for you and I am hoping it is sooner than later! Infertility really is not fair, but I am confident your time is coming. ((hugs))

Kim

[Want2BMom2]

Thanks, Kim! I know it only takes one...I'm just getting so frustrating waiting for my chance with that "one"!!! I had to the entire summer- stress-free, to attempt IVF, and Mother Nature just wouldn't allow it to happen. I teach in inner city Philadelphia, so my job is extremely stressful and time-consuming. I really don't want problems i have at my job to interfere with the possible success of IVF #3. If attempt #2 wasn't canceled, I would've had *just* enough time to get through up to two fresh cycles before school started up. SOOOO frustrating!

Sorry...I just needed to vent, I guess thanks for responding. It really helps to correspond with people who've been there

-Lisa

[KimAtFertilityAuthority]

I totally get it, Lisa! I've remember sitting on a lounge chair in Cancun looking up to the sky saying "Ok, mother nature...this is relaxed...." So I understand what you mean! I have my fingers crossed that the next round is successful and I bet that the timing will work out in such a way that it really doesn't interfere as much as you are anticipating.

Hoping for all good things for you!

Kim

[Want2BMom2]

Thanks for your supportive words, Kim!

I actually just booked a short 2 day vacation for my husband and I for next week! I'm supposed to stop my BCP's this weekend, but I'm gonna continue them a few days longer so that I don't get my period on the trip, and miss my chance for my ultrasound. I figured, staying on the pills a few days longer couldn't hurt, and can actually help! Maybe those extra few days will help the follicles from my canceled cycle diminish more completely...who knows!

As for the whole timing problem, I found out that the week after Labor Day is all day inservice/professional development days for teachers only...no students! So if I need off on those days, no big deal! The major thing that could hold me back is these leftover follicles...so hopefully a few extra days on the BCP's will do the trick!!

I am SO hoping and praying that this works. I don't think I'm capable of handling another setback, and I'm worried about having to endure the depression and stress at the beginning of the school year. Hopefully Mother Nature will FINALLY cut me a break! I'll keep you posted

[TTCyears]

Mom2B, unfortunately it's common that it takes 1 or 2 cycles to "find" a good protocol for some. Hang in there!

I had many yrs of IF/RPL so lots of opportunity for horrible timing and I was hit up with it a few times ... hard. Really hard. I deleted what I was going to share b/c they really were crappy times. More than some, less than others. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other ... Hold on your hope ... you are right to be hopeful ... sounds like you have some good embies ahead of you and 1-2 babes!!! FX.FX.FX

[Want2BMom2]

TTCyears,

It really helps so much to hear stories from other women that have/are going through what I am. It makes me feel understood and less alone. I actually just went to my doctor today for an ultrasound, and my follicles all disappeared! He said both ovaries look great, and I am starting my stimulation meds for attempt # 3 tonight! My first appointment to check my progress is Monday morning, so I will post how things are looking by that point. Wish me luck!!!!!!!!