Failed IUI-feel at such a loss

mybabyfaith · 10-24-2009, 07:26 AM

I am so frustrated and discouraged, but know that I should not feel that way. My DH does not understand why I feel that I have suffered a loss, since I have never had a BFP. It is so difficult to go through the procedure and have such high expectations, only to suffer a disappointment. I have not given up hope, but it is getting more and more difficult with each BFN. It does not seem like anyone understands what you are going through, so I often have to deal with the pain on my own. I am glad that this site is available to be able to share our story. We are going to try IVF next month...keeping my fingers crossed.

. Prayers for everyone as we all go through this journey.

saw9004 · 10-26-2009, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mybabyfaith

I am so frustrated and discouraged, but know that I should not feel that way. My DH does not understand why I feel that I have suffered a loss, since I have never had a BFP. It is so difficult to go through the procedure and have such high expectations, only to suffer a disappointment. I have not given up hope, but it is getting more and more difficult with each BFN. It does not seem like anyone understands what you are going through, so I often have to deal with the pain on my own. I am glad that this site is available to be able to share our story. We are going to try IVF next month...keeping my fingers crossed.

. Prayers for everyone as we all go through this journey.

I understand those feelings...I just had my first try at ivf cancelled d/t poor response. Now I am in the middle of #2 but yesterday my re said it is not moving along as well as hoped, one more dr visit tomorrow and I will know the final verdict. I felt so devastated after that first cancellation that I went home after work that day and just became a recluse for a few days and had to cry it out. It is like the hope of having a baby seems so much further from my grasp...now it looks like it may happen again and I thought I prepared myself to be neutral and not react any way (to protect myself), but yesterday it started feeling like a pitt in my stomach again.. not feeling very hopeful that in two nights everything will be great. I wish you all the best, I may go to IUI's because my insurance covers that procedure rather than ivf, and dh is unemployed...can't spend any more right now.

dreamer79 · 10-27-2009, 02:18 PM

I totally know how you're feeling, we just failed our 7th IUI. I couldn't focus at work, now I just want to cry about it. After 7 I don't know how my hopes still get so high, but they definitely do. My Dh is sweet and supportive and positive, but on this one day out of the month I am completely miserable.

Good luck on your IVF, hopefully that'll work! We're scheduled for March IVF, trying to decide whether to keep doing IUIs until then.

Saw9004, I'm so sorry to hear about your failed IVF cycle! I can't imagine the additional hurt of having spent so much and not even have to/get to suffer through the tww. I wish you luck with IUIs if that's what your next step is.

mybabyfaith · 10-27-2009, 05:12 PM

The wait till the next procedure is exceptionally difficult because you want this so bad and you need to be so patient because it is out of your hands. I keep thinking about what could be (a beautiful baby) and it tears me up inside. After my last IUI the RE told me that I was almost pregnant...don't know what he meant by that, but those words keep ringing through my head. This was my 4th IUI, hopefully have better luck with IVF. I wish that there was some answer.

Saw9004, I am also sorry to hear about you IVF cycle. How did you appt with your RE go?

dreamer79, it is so hard not to get your hopes up. You want to believe that this time it is going to work.

I wish everyone the best of luck.

saw9004 · 10-29-2009, 06:57 AM

Thanks Dreamer 79 and MyBabyfaith for your kind words. I went in and still only had one follicle to work with so IVF was cancelled but I can do IUI today. This was my second try with injections for IVF preparation but apparently I don't respond well. I wonder if there are others who didn't respond who tried ivf again and did well. I wish you the best of luck with the next ivf mybabyfaith, it is so hard every time no matter how many times you try I am learning. I am probably going to take a break for the holidays to regain my sanity...I have been obsessing since September and need to pay some attention to my marriage as well, you know? I feel lately everything for me has revolved around treatments and it is exhausting sometimes. Anyone else feel this way?
Dreamer...I hope you are able to enjoy life a little and take care of yourself if you take a break. but if not all the best.

saw9004 · 10-29-2009, 07:02 AM

on the husband issue...my dh is supportive but he only can do so much. Sometimes I feel like I am in this alone and he is on the sidelines just watching me crash every time but not really IN it with me. That's why having womeon on this site is so helpful for me!Also, I have a baby shower at work for a former supervisor next week and am not sure how I feel about it...do I go for a few minutes and leave, or not go and email her privately/call her privately with my well wishes. I wonder if people understand on the other end? Although, she is the one who , knowing I was dealing with infertility came up and was showing me her ultrasound of the baby excitedly (while I was thinking are you kidding, did you forget about what I am going through?)

libran68 · 10-29-2009, 01:37 PM

Hi Saw,

Don't give up on trying new protocols; I had very poor results (My 1st IVF) on the standard Lupron protocol with only 4 eggs and 2 couldn't even be used because they were immature. I felt like such a failure because my body wouldn't do what they expected it to do; My new protocol was much more successful (estrogen priming) I hardly had any side effects and I felt great. I still have not made it to transfer and they recommend one more IVF round to get as many eggs as possible and then do an FET. Please hang in there and play the baby shower by ear; A Co-worker of mine accidently got pregnant and she and her husband really don't want kids. There is nothing more painful than suffering in silence while people are posting ultrasound pics and belly shots all over work or on Facebook....ugh! Like you said, we can all connect here and know that everyone understands our frustration and pain. Take care and good luck

dreamer79 · 10-29-2009, 04:55 PM

saw, good luck with your sanity-restoring break. We've decided to keep trying IUI, on higher clomid this time, hopefully will work better. We took a break earlier this year, tho, it was such a relief. When we're cycling I'm always thinking about it, not all the time but several times a day. Everything I eat, do, etc could affect, so every action makes me think of it. The time off really helped restore my balance. My DH, like yours, is supportive, but is definitely on the outside. He thinks about it only a couple times a month. He understands when I cry at getting my AF, but doesn't feel it the same way. This board has been a sanity saver for me, to have so many people also experiencing it.

I haven't seen much discussion about it on this board, but have you read anything about natural IVF? I've read a couple articles about it, one good follicle might be enough, if that's what you're getting.

About the baby shower, it is hard. I actually threw a shower for my friend back in Feb. She also had IF, and was sensitive, but it was still hard. The only way I deal with it is to compartmentalize. I stick all my IF hurts and thoughts in a box and close it, then just think about the happiness in a new baby, no matter who's it is. (That's how I deal with my unwed SIL's unplanned infant too.) Ultimately you have to do what's right for you, maintaining your own balance. If you decide you don't want to go, and you don't want to explain you can always have an alternate engagement, and send a gift.

Libran, I agree that having people post stuff everywhere is hard. I almost unfriended someone on facebook because her profile pic was always her belly or u/s. I don't tell most people about our struggle, so I can't blame them for being insensitive, just have to suffer by myself, and vent to the people here!

Good luck to you, here's hoping this time next year everyone has a baby!

saw9004 · 10-31-2009, 01:00 PM

Dreamer - I never heard of natural ivf, though both the Md who did my last ultrasound and my re said it is not enough for ivf..I am interested though if you can point me to where you found the articles!

dreamer79 · 10-31-2009, 08:29 PM

saw, I first read about natural ivf a couple of years ago. The biggest ivf clinic in japan does mostly natural cycles, so I was curious. Basically they don't do any stims, just go for one good egg, retrieve, fertilize (icsi if needed) and implant. Not a lot of US clinics do it, but here's one I found.
New Hope Fertility - Natural Cycle IVF & Mini IVF Treatments.

I recommend googling "natural ivf" you'll find more info than I can post links to.

10-24-2009, 07:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
mybabyfaith 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Erie Posts: 11	Failed IUI-feel at such a loss I am so frustrated and discouraged, but know that I should not feel that way. My DH does not understand why I feel that I have suffered a loss, since I have never had a BFP. It is so difficult to go through the procedure and have such high expectations, only to suffer a disappointment. I have not given up hope, but it is getting more and more difficult with each BFN. It does not seem like anyone understands what you are going through, so I often have to deal with the pain on my own. I am glad that this site is available to be able to share our story. We are going to try IVF next month...keeping my fingers crossed.. Prayers for everyone as we all go through this journey.

10-27-2009, 05:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
mybabyfaith 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Erie Posts: 11	The wait till the next procedure is exceptionally difficult because you want this so bad and you need to be so patient because it is out of your hands. I keep thinking about what could be (a beautiful baby) and it tears me up inside. After my last IUI the RE told me that I was almost pregnant...don't know what he meant by that, but those words keep ringing through my head. This was my 4th IUI, hopefully have better luck with IVF. I wish that there was some answer. Saw9004, I am also sorry to hear about you IVF cycle. How did you appt with your RE go? dreamer79, it is so hard not to get your hopes up. You want to believe that this time it is going to work. I wish everyone the best of luck. Last edited by mybabyfaith; 10-27-2009 at 05:23 PM.

10-29-2009, 01:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
libran68 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: May 2009 Location: California Posts: 49	Hi Saw, Don't give up on trying new protocols; I had very poor results (My 1st IVF) on the standard Lupron protocol with only 4 eggs and 2 couldn't even be used because they were immature. I felt like such a failure because my body wouldn't do what they expected it to do; My new protocol was much more successful (estrogen priming) I hardly had any side effects and I felt great. I still have not made it to transfer and they recommend one more IVF round to get as many eggs as possible and then do an FET. Please hang in there and play the baby shower by ear; A Co-worker of mine accidently got pregnant and she and her husband really don't want kids. There is nothing more painful than suffering in silence while people are posting ultrasound pics and belly shots all over work or on Facebook....ugh! Like you said, we can all connect here and know that everyone understands our frustration and pain. Take care and good luck __________________ Me-41 DH-36 TTC since 2007 MC@ 8wks- 7/07 Blighted Ovum MC@6wks-6/08 MC@8wks-8/08 IVF#1 2 frozen no transfer IVF#2 6 frozen no transfer Cycling again in November

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10-27-2009, 02:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
dreamer79 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Georgia Posts: 62	I totally know how you're feeling, we just failed our 7th IUI. I couldn't focus at work, now I just want to cry about it. After 7 I don't know how my hopes still get so high, but they definitely do. My Dh is sweet and supportive and positive, but on this one day out of the month I am completely miserable. Good luck on your IVF, hopefully that'll work! We're scheduled for March IVF, trying to decide whether to keep doing IUIs until then. Saw9004, I'm so sorry to hear about your failed IVF cycle! I can't imagine the additional hurt of having spent so much and not even have to/get to suffer through the tww. I wish you luck with IUIs if that's what your next step is.

10-29-2009, 06:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
saw9004 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: nyc Posts: 11	Thanks Dreamer 79 and MyBabyfaith for your kind words. I went in and still only had one follicle to work with so IVF was cancelled but I can do IUI today. This was my second try with injections for IVF preparation but apparently I don't respond well. I wonder if there are others who didn't respond who tried ivf again and did well. I wish you the best of luck with the next ivf mybabyfaith, it is so hard every time no matter how many times you try I am learning. I am probably going to take a break for the holidays to regain my sanity...I have been obsessing since September and need to pay some attention to my marriage as well, you know? I feel lately everything for me has revolved around treatments and it is exhausting sometimes. Anyone else feel this way? Dreamer...I hope you are able to enjoy life a little and take care of yourself if you take a break. but if not all the best.

10-29-2009, 07:02 AM	#6 (permalink)
saw9004 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: nyc Posts: 11	on the husband issue...my dh is supportive but he only can do so much. Sometimes I feel like I am in this alone and he is on the sidelines just watching me crash every time but not really IN it with me. That's why having womeon on this site is so helpful for me!Also, I have a baby shower at work for a former supervisor next week and am not sure how I feel about it...do I go for a few minutes and leave, or not go and email her privately/call her privately with my well wishes. I wonder if people understand on the other end? Although, she is the one who , knowing I was dealing with infertility came up and was showing me her ultrasound of the baby excitedly (while I was thinking are you kidding, did you forget about what I am going through?)

10-29-2009, 04:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
dreamer79 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Georgia Posts: 62	saw, good luck with your sanity-restoring break. We've decided to keep trying IUI, on higher clomid this time, hopefully will work better. We took a break earlier this year, tho, it was such a relief. When we're cycling I'm always thinking about it, not all the time but several times a day. Everything I eat, do, etc could affect, so every action makes me think of it. The time off really helped restore my balance. My DH, like yours, is supportive, but is definitely on the outside. He thinks about it only a couple times a month. He understands when I cry at getting my AF, but doesn't feel it the same way. This board has been a sanity saver for me, to have so many people also experiencing it. I haven't seen much discussion about it on this board, but have you read anything about natural IVF? I've read a couple articles about it, one good follicle might be enough, if that's what you're getting. About the baby shower, it is hard. I actually threw a shower for my friend back in Feb. She also had IF, and was sensitive, but it was still hard. The only way I deal with it is to compartmentalize. I stick all my IF hurts and thoughts in a box and close it, then just think about the happiness in a new baby, no matter who's it is. (That's how I deal with my unwed SIL's unplanned infant too.) Ultimately you have to do what's right for you, maintaining your own balance. If you decide you don't want to go, and you don't want to explain you can always have an alternate engagement, and send a gift. Libran, I agree that having people post stuff everywhere is hard. I almost unfriended someone on facebook because her profile pic was always her belly or u/s. I don't tell most people about our struggle, so I can't blame them for being insensitive, just have to suffer by myself, and vent to the people here! Good luck to you, here's hoping this time next year everyone has a baby!

10-31-2009, 01:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
saw9004 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: nyc Posts: 11	Dreamer - I never heard of natural ivf, though both the Md who did my last ultrasound and my re said it is not enough for ivf..I am interested though if you can point me to where you found the articles!

10-31-2009, 08:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
dreamer79 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Georgia Posts: 62	saw, I first read about natural ivf a couple of years ago. The biggest ivf clinic in japan does mostly natural cycles, so I was curious. Basically they don't do any stims, just go for one good egg, retrieve, fertilize (icsi if needed) and implant. Not a lot of US clinics do it, but here's one I found. New Hope Fertility - Natural Cycle IVF & Mini IVF Treatments. I recommend googling "natural ivf" you'll find more info than I can post links to.