Missed a sticky BFP

[TTCyears]

How many of us were just "this close" to a BFP, or "this close" to one sticking, or "this close" to holding our living child?

I'm waxing philosophical. DH and I watched a movie last night. If it were any other week, I wonder what my response would have been. But it was this week... as another pregnancy passes and the world looks different.

Aside: A typical Hollywood movie has a formula. Start happy, end sad OR start sad, end happy OR throw the audience off while the mystery is solved OR have over-the-top of action and the guy gets the girl or the money. Artistic films are another story. And it seems that most foreign films would qualify as Artistic; or perhaps it's just those that "make it" over here to into my local American library for me to see that are.

It seems most "Artistic" movies have no endings, and I notice that there is a lot more loss. Life is hard.

And so it is with the movie DH and I watched tonight, "The Edge of Heaven", a German-Turkish film. People looking for each other, just about to connect, but missing each other. Instead meeting those that would connect them but circumstances leading them astray (including death). And somehow the movie is content that they were just so close and maybe that's all there is, and it's okay. The movie "ends" with a seemingly minor character waiting, waiting to meet someone, and a stranger he had been looking for walking around the corner. The viewer wondering if this time he will meet one or both of them. And maybe he will or maybe he won't. But that's life, eh?

So, I've been on the edge of Heaven: just missed my babes, by some fluke, or some circumstance. And I don't know if I will meet a child of mine. Maybe just around the corner, maybe years in my future, maybe in Heaven. And maybe that's ok.

Thoughtful,
~S

[barren-bipolar]

I've watched some of those "Art" films from the local library, too. Although I've never had any miscarriages, I feel like you expressed yourself so well that I could feel some of your pain. I just wanted you to know that I think you are quite talented as a writer.