1st IVF failed and I am a wreck.

babywarrior · 09-04-2009, 10:43 AM

My first IVF failed. I am at work. Hiding in the teacher's lounge. Of course I don't want to face anyone because everyone has been waiting for my Beta test call with me all morning. I know I will burst out crying like an idiot the first person I see.
I am so low right now. I keep telling myself we have 9 embryos frozen... doesn't help me feel better.
Anyone have words of encouragement? This is soooooo much worse than the failed IUIs. If there was a bridge nearby I would probably jump off of it. (Not really. Don't worry that much about me.)

barren-bipolar · 09-04-2009, 03:29 PM

Girl,
I hear ya. Sorry I didn't see this earlier. Same for me. Just had my first IVf fail this month. I was a wreck for days. It's so true that dealing with the IUIs was a whole different ballgame. Be kind to yourself and don't let anyone (including yourself) minimize what you're going through. You have every right to feel what you feel.

What's rough is when someone's baby dies, they get cards, casseroles and flowers. Wouldn't it be nice if we got that, too?

I felt a lot of anger- not at any one person in particular, just at the situation. I vented a LOT on this site and that helped me! I also found it difficult to focus on anything for days... now I'm finally coming out of my funk.

I'm gonna try to email you some links tomorrow that were most encouraging to me. Some of the IVF veterans have loads of wisdom on dealing with this and not giving up. Does anyone at work know what you're going through?

barren-bipolar · 09-04-2009, 03:32 PM

Forgot to say- I'm originally from Pennsylvania and I'm still a PA girl at heart.

barren-bipolar · 09-04-2009, 04:58 PM

okay- these are my all time favorite super encouraging ones:

Crystal New and Sad
Rachel A few tips after 13 years of IF
Oli (scroll down to the one near the bottom of the page) August Achievers week of 8/24
DixieDoolittle My First IVF failed:(

TTCyears · 09-04-2009, 06:13 PM

May I hide with you? I'm awaiting the completion of yet another pg loss while I prepare for IVF. I'm doing just fine when I don't have to think about anything of consequence or see anybody or do anything of consequence... or meet any "demands". I even scheduled my follow up RE appt (for next week even though I'm not ready today to think about it). I also called to see a support group was in the area. I know I need to feel this. I am, but it's an effort to not cut the feelings off (and get stuck with them). This hurts! Hope has it's time and place. It does not substitute for missing our little ones, it merely waits patiently for us.

barren-bipolar · 09-05-2009, 04:26 AM

TTCyears-

Very well said. So true- we need to let ourselves feel...
It's good that you looked into a support group. I go to one that is a gem. I didn't get to go this week because I had bad cold, and I wanted and needed the group soooo bad. Sometimes it takes a couple weeks of going to get to know the girls and really open up but it is soooo worth it. I wish I had gotten people's emails tho so when I was out sick I could still keep in touch.

babywarrior · 09-08-2009, 12:21 PM

Thanks so much to both of you for the support. This weekend was rough. I thought IVF would be my magic bullet...
Well, I do a FET on the 29th. Cross your fingers!
Barren: Thanks for all the sites! Yes, everyone at work knows what I am going through. In a way, it is great b/c everyone is offering support, but, at the same time, I want to forget about it and have been hiding in my classroom all day.
TTCYears: Hang in there! Of course you can hide with me. That is pretty much what I have been doing the past three days.

Becky

barren-bipolar · 09-08-2009, 12:46 PM

Babywarrior-
Crossing my fingers and toes for your FET!

09-04-2009, 10:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
babywarrior 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: McKeesport, Pa Posts: 172	1st IVF failed and I am a wreck. My first IVF failed. I am at work. Hiding in the teacher's lounge. Of course I don't want to face anyone because everyone has been waiting for my Beta test call with me all morning. I know I will burst out crying like an idiot the first person I see. I am so low right now. I keep telling myself we have 9 embryos frozen... doesn't help me feel better. Anyone have words of encouragement? This is soooooo much worse than the failed IUIs. If there was a bridge nearby I would probably jump off of it. (Not really. Don't worry that much about me.)

09-04-2009, 03:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
barren-bipolar 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New York City Posts: 354	Girl, I hear ya. Sorry I didn't see this earlier. Same for me. Just had my first IVf fail this month. I was a wreck for days. It's so true that dealing with the IUIs was a whole different ballgame. Be kind to yourself and don't let anyone (including yourself) minimize what you're going through. You have every right to feel what you feel. What's rough is when someone's baby dies, they get cards, casseroles and flowers. Wouldn't it be nice if we got that, too? I felt a lot of anger- not at any one person in particular, just at the situation. I vented a LOT on this site and that helped me! I also found it difficult to focus on anything for days... now I'm finally coming out of my funk. I'm gonna try to email you some links tomorrow that were most encouraging to me. Some of the IVF veterans have loads of wisdom on dealing with this and not giving up. Does anyone at work know what you're going through? __________________ me (34) DH (51), TTC #1 low ovarian reserve, hypothyroid, egg quality issues beginning IVF #3- looking for a golden egg http://bravebarrenbipolar.wordpress.com Last edited by barren-bipolar; 09-05-2009 at 04:38 AM.

09-04-2009, 03:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
barren-bipolar 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New York City Posts: 354	Forgot to say- I'm originally from Pennsylvania and I'm still a PA girl at heart. __________________ me (34) DH (51), TTC #1 low ovarian reserve, hypothyroid, egg quality issues beginning IVF #3- looking for a golden egg http://bravebarrenbipolar.wordpress.com

09-04-2009, 04:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
barren-bipolar 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New York City Posts: 354	okay- these are my all time favorite super encouraging ones: Crystal New and Sad Rachel A few tips after 13 years of IF Oli (scroll down to the one near the bottom of the page) August Achievers week of 8/24 DixieDoolittle My First IVF failed:( __________________ me (34) DH (51), TTC #1 low ovarian reserve, hypothyroid, egg quality issues beginning IVF #3- looking for a golden egg http://bravebarrenbipolar.wordpress.com Last edited by barren-bipolar; 09-05-2009 at 04:39 AM.

09-04-2009, 06:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
TTCyears 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 239	May I hide with you? I'm awaiting the completion of yet another pg loss while I prepare for IVF. I'm doing just fine when I don't have to think about anything of consequence or see anybody or do anything of consequence... or meet any "demands". I even scheduled my follow up RE appt (for next week even though I'm not ready today to think about it). I also called to see a support group was in the area. I know I need to feel this. I am, but it's an effort to not cut the feelings off (and get stuck with them). This hurts! Hope has it's time and place. It does not substitute for missing our little ones, it merely waits patiently for us. Last edited by TTCyears; 09-04-2009 at 06:15 PM.

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09-05-2009, 04:26 AM	#6 (permalink)
barren-bipolar 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New York City Posts: 354	TTCyears- Very well said. So true- we need to let ourselves feel... It's good that you looked into a support group. I go to one that is a gem. I didn't get to go this week because I had bad cold, and I wanted and needed the group soooo bad. Sometimes it takes a couple weeks of going to get to know the girls and really open up but it is soooo worth it. I wish I had gotten people's emails tho so when I was out sick I could still keep in touch. __________________ me (34) DH (51), TTC #1 low ovarian reserve, hypothyroid, egg quality issues beginning IVF #3- looking for a golden egg http://bravebarrenbipolar.wordpress.com

09-08-2009, 12:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
babywarrior 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: McKeesport, Pa Posts: 172	Thanks so much to both of you for the support. This weekend was rough. I thought IVF would be my magic bullet... Well, I do a FET on the 29th. Cross your fingers! Barren: Thanks for all the sites! Yes, everyone at work knows what I am going through. In a way, it is great b/c everyone is offering support, but, at the same time, I want to forget about it and have been hiding in my classroom all day. TTCYears: Hang in there! Of course you can hide with me. That is pretty much what I have been doing the past three days. Becky

09-08-2009, 12:46 PM	#8 (permalink)
barren-bipolar 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New York City Posts: 354	Babywarrior- Crossing my fingers and toes for your FET!

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