Scared by how depressed I am

LAP · 08-04-2009, 08:47 PM

I just had a failed IVF#1 that ended in a chemical pregnancy. I found out this past weekend.

I'm really stunned by how devastated I feel. I'm barely functional at work; I basically hide in my office and hope no one notices. And I'm eating everything in sight.

I know that so many women on these boards have gone through so many cycles and keep at it, and I don't know how you do it. (You ladies must be rolling your eyes at me, whining after one failed cycle ...)

I am really not sure what to do or what to think. Background: I am 42 and had major surgery at the end of last year for stage IV endo. I'm too old to feel that I can just keep trying and someday it will be my turn. DH and I have been TTC for more than 7 years. Now I'm questioning the whole decision to do IVF, because we just dropped $12k (insurance covers NOTHING) and have nothing to show for it. Is it worth it to do another cycle, or am I just fooling myself on this? I've read many success stories on the boards about women who achieve BFPs after many cycles, but they're not in their 40s ... And I looked into donor eggs, and it costs just under $30k, so that's really not an option for me.

I guess I just need help coping with this, because I'm not doing a very good job of it.

Thanks for listening/reading.

sun8 · 08-04-2009, 08:52 PM

LAP-Total barge on your thread. First of all, I am so sorry about your failed cycle. They suck. I saw that you are in No California...at you at Northern California Fertility in Roseville???

Christene

LAP · 08-04-2009, 09:03 PM

sun8 - Yes, that's where I go ... You, too?

sun8 · 08-04-2009, 09:09 PM

Yes, that is where we went. They are absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! I have complete and total faith in them. I would reccomend them to anyone. I think they are the best in the area by far!!!

It is really hard to not get depressed, but rely on your dh and friends and family as much as possible. We had a chemical pregnancy on our fresh cycle and I/we were completely devastated. But you somehow find the strength to trudge on.

Where are you at in the area?? We are a little east of Auburn.

Christene

LAP · 08-04-2009, 09:20 PM

Hi Christene,
I just sent you an email ... or tried to.

LAP

kindhiker · 08-05-2009, 01:21 PM

Hi Lap, I had a chemical pregnancy with my first IVF cycle too. That said, it is considered a small victory because it means you CAN GET pregnant. When I had mine, I completely dropped out of my life. I only anwered the phone for my sister. After about 6wks, I started to come out again. Getting through it is not the issue, getting through it intact is. Just putting one foot in front of the other is the hardest thing and I get it. Your allowed to deal how you deal. I don't have the same issues you do regarding age, but the complete despair and fear are real for all of us. If you decide to do another round of IVF, your doc will make a plan that addresses your recent loss. Your in my thoughts, and I'll be rooting for you. (all of you...and me)

LAP · 08-05-2009, 08:50 PM

Thank you both for your help. My RE called today and we talked for a bit about what happened. He said that although the chemical pregnancy was obviously a disappointment, he was encouraged by the whole cycle, because so many things (stimulation, fertilization, implantation, etc.) went better than he had expected for someone of my age and with my medical background. I felt much better and more hopeful after I spoke to him. When I meet with the RE in a couple of weeks (a different RE, unfortunately, but still a good one), he'll come up with a plan for improving my chances. I still have to sit down and talk to DH about money and what we can afford.
Thanks again for your support ... it really means alot. Kindhiker, it was nice to know that someone else felt catatonic in a similar situation. Made me feel less nuts and more accepting of the grief I'm feeling.

PaigeQ · 08-09-2009, 09:39 AM

I also had my first failed IVF last week. I felt so unbelievably low but as the days go by, it does get better. I'd wait to make a decision on trying again until you start to feel a bit better...

Good luck.

08-04-2009, 08:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
LAP 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 121	Scared by how depressed I am I just had a failed IVF#1 that ended in a chemical pregnancy. I found out this past weekend. I'm really stunned by how devastated I feel. I'm barely functional at work; I basically hide in my office and hope no one notices. And I'm eating everything in sight. I know that so many women on these boards have gone through so many cycles and keep at it, and I don't know how you do it. (You ladies must be rolling your eyes at me, whining after one failed cycle ...) I am really not sure what to do or what to think. Background: I am 42 and had major surgery at the end of last year for stage IV endo. I'm too old to feel that I can just keep trying and someday it will be my turn. DH and I have been TTC for more than 7 years. Now I'm questioning the whole decision to do IVF, because we just dropped $12k (insurance covers NOTHING) and have nothing to show for it. Is it worth it to do another cycle, or am I just fooling myself on this? I've read many success stories on the boards about women who achieve BFPs after many cycles, but they're not in their 40s ... And I looked into donor eggs, and it costs just under $30k, so that's really not an option for me. I guess I just need help coping with this, because I'm not doing a very good job of it. Thanks for listening/reading.

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08-04-2009, 08:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
sun8 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Northern CA Posts: 1,462	LAP-Total barge on your thread. First of all, I am so sorry about your failed cycle. They suck. I saw that you are in No California...at you at Northern California Fertility in Roseville??? Christene

08-04-2009, 09:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
LAP 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 121	sun8 - Yes, that's where I go ... You, too?

08-04-2009, 09:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
sun8 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Northern CA Posts: 1,462	Yes, that is where we went. They are absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! I have complete and total faith in them. I would reccomend them to anyone. I think they are the best in the area by far!!! It is really hard to not get depressed, but rely on your dh and friends and family as much as possible. We had a chemical pregnancy on our fresh cycle and I/we were completely devastated. But you somehow find the strength to trudge on. Where are you at in the area?? We are a little east of Auburn. Christene

08-04-2009, 09:20 PM	#5 (permalink)
LAP 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 121	Hi Christene, I just sent you an email ... or tried to. LAP

08-05-2009, 01:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
kindhiker 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: May 2009 Location: IL Posts: 198 Blog Entries: 1	Hi Lap, I had a chemical pregnancy with my first IVF cycle too. That said, it is considered a small victory because it means you CAN GET pregnant. When I had mine, I completely dropped out of my life. I only anwered the phone for my sister. After about 6wks, I started to come out again. Getting through it is not the issue, getting through it intact is. Just putting one foot in front of the other is the hardest thing and I get it. Your allowed to deal how you deal. I don't have the same issues you do regarding age, but the complete despair and fear are real for all of us. If you decide to do another round of IVF, your doc will make a plan that addresses your recent loss. Your in my thoughts, and I'll be rooting for you. (all of you...and me)

08-05-2009, 08:50 PM	#7 (permalink)
LAP 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 121	Thank you both for your help. My RE called today and we talked for a bit about what happened. He said that although the chemical pregnancy was obviously a disappointment, he was encouraged by the whole cycle, because so many things (stimulation, fertilization, implantation, etc.) went better than he had expected for someone of my age and with my medical background. I felt much better and more hopeful after I spoke to him. When I meet with the RE in a couple of weeks (a different RE, unfortunately, but still a good one), he'll come up with a plan for improving my chances. I still have to sit down and talk to DH about money and what we can afford. Thanks again for your support ... it really means alot. Kindhiker, it was nice to know that someone else felt catatonic in a similar situation. Made me feel less nuts and more accepting of the grief I'm feeling.

08-09-2009, 09:39 AM	#8 (permalink)
PaigeQ 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Connecticut Posts: 5	I also had my first failed IVF last week. I felt so unbelievably low but as the days go by, it does get better. I'd wait to make a decision on trying again until you start to feel a bit better... Good luck.