Premature Ovarian failure SUCKS!

[heatherNmatt]

Hello Everyone,

I Joined this site for support as I felt So incredibly alone. I live in a family where no one understand my infertility as there all incredibly Fertile.I Lost a part of who I am On July 16th 2004. I was Diagnosed With Premature Ovarian Failure.Everyday is a battle Am I going to have a good day? Do I really want to get out of bed? I finally Decided I was not going to let my IF live my life for me and in no way has it been easy. May 2nd 2009 I Got A glimpse of my fertility I loned for After almost 2 years of trying I got my period Naturally No drugs! on May 16th 2009 I Ovulated On my own No drugs yet again! I cryed Like no ones business.I chose to fight for my fertilty and my dream MY WAY....Some might think im strange Its not that i dont believe in alternate Treatments because I do 100%. But I Wanted to fight on my own untill I cant anymore untill I have to get alternate treatment when it sinks in let me tell ya ill go running for IF treatment! lol, I just need a vent I feel like im failing my husband I see the look on his face when he sees babies, The way his heart melts when He holds and plays with children, Yet I feel guilty For the pain he has to endure with me everymonth I get that negative test Because once again I was the hard headed one ...Who did not seek alternate treatments. I once again Didnt get AF like I was suppost to Yet Im getting BFN Pee sticks. Theres a huge part of me that cant keep staying positive My Heart has been ripped from inside of me and My woman hood was Taken away like I never deserved it.. Some people Dream of what they want to be when they get older and mine I Wanted to be a mommy!As strage as that may sound I long for my little miracle I dream of what our nursery would look like, What It might be all the little cute things for a baby and what they do. Yet I cant have one. I have to win a lottery just to be called mom. Im only 20 years old. Im tired of walking around With my head held high for fear of showing my emotions just to be told by fertile mertals im negative...Some days I might be. As much as I cant resist Taking PG tests.. Im scared to see that negative pop up. I feel like having a family isnt in the cards for me half the time.Ok maybe that comment was negative. I just cant take the pain anymore I wish this was all a dream I could wake up and it all be over with. I cant vent, I cant talk about it , I cant yell , Scream,Cry No one wants to hear it because in there mind all the drs are wrong and im just being negative.And If by chance Im not getting that There all trying to Protect me From there babies I dont really need protection Im stronger than they might think Ive Felt alot these past 5 years and I know I have a long road ahead.I told myself a Million times I was not going to get my hopes up over this unexpected cycle, They even tested me for a M/C. But me being be I got my hopes up. And AF didnt show.... Neg PG tests This week im suppost to go for blood. I dread walking into that lab To get poked again for more bad news.... All in all I just needed to Vent....Because Today is one of those days for me ..As I could go on ranting for hours I think ill end it right here lol.

Thank you for listening to me

-Heather.

[BC-tnahope]

[budderfly002]

I'm so sorry your going through a difficult time.I can relate.I am 34 years old.I have PCOS and I have never been pregnant.When I get my period,I get excited because my body is doing what it's suppose too.I take clomid,when I go for my scan,again I get excited when I see the 2-3 great sized follies on the screen.It's depressing each month when I don't conceive.Everything is going like it should ,yet nothing is happening.Yet,someone else can have sex and BOOM,they're pregnant.Hang in there,hopefully things will get better.Don't wait too long on treatments.The younger you are the better your chances.Your fertility declines as you age.
Wish u luck!!
Tina

[heatherNmatt]

Originally Posted by budderfly002

I'm so sorry your going through a difficult time.I can relate.I am 34 years old.I have PCOS and I have never been pregnant.When I get my period,I get excited because my body is doing what it's suppose too.I take clomid,when I go for my scan,again I get excited when I see the 2-3 great sized follies on the screen.It's depressing each month when I don't conceive.Everything is going like it should ,yet nothing is happening.Yet,someone else can have sex and BOOM,they're pregnant.Hang in there,hopefully things will get better.Don't wait too long on treatments.The younger you are the better your chances.Your fertility declines as you age.
Wish u luck!!
Tina

Thank you! Im trying not to wait it out honestly but Call me crazy Im not in denial of what I have I just want so badly to prove my drs wrong I just had 3 drs Drop me as a patient because I told them I was TTC there exact words were "come back to me when you give up because your wasting your time" UGH!

[heatherNmatt]

Originally Posted by BC-tnahope

thank you.