Can't Decide What to do next

tenseintexas · 03-28-2009, 07:34 AM

I just found out that IUI number 1 did not work. I really did anticipate this because the SA on the day was 1.7 count and 0 % morphology. I talk with my RE on MOnday about which way to go next. My husband would like to try IUI again...he thinks that one sample was just bad ( his previous two samples has been not great but WAY WAY better that the IUI sample---18 million and slightly less than average morphology) and I am leaning towards moving to IVF. I do not want to have IVF if I do not HAVE to...but even les appealing is wasting another month. I just don't know what to do.
Luckily, insurance coverage is allowing us to have the choice!

Birdee · 03-28-2009, 02:46 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your results, Tenseintexas. This is my first posting following a failed IUI and a failed IVF attempt (I found out last Thursday). We chose to go straight to IVF after my IUI because of my age (38) and the fact that the doctors couldn't tell if my tubes were ok through an HSG. My dh's count and morphology was great with the IUI. When we did IVF and they ran the Kruger test on him, his morpholgy was really poor, so we did ICSI. Regardless, we would have done IUI several more times if my clock wasn't ticking so fast. We're getting ready to try IVF #2 in June. That's great you have options with your insurance -- KEEP TRYING! We're not giving up (though it's always hard to enter another cycle). I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a BFP!

crobert222 · 03-31-2009, 03:13 PM

Hi all,

I just got the news that our IVF cycle #3 failed...I am so heartbroken I can hardly breathe... The first two cycles I never did a transfer, as we did PGD and they said there were no good embryos to transfer. This last cycle, three embryos passed PGD, so we were so hopeful....only to be let down again.

I am not sure if I have the strength to go again...you have to wonder if you should just move toward adoption...If anyone has any words of advice, I welcome them...So, so sad...

Carolyn

Birdee · 03-31-2009, 04:25 PM

Carolyn,

I'm so sorry to hear about your news. It is really hard after a failed IVF both physically and emotinally. Even though it's been nearly a week since my failed IVF, I'm still really emotional and AF came with a serious vengance this month (my RE says it's normal and I will feel better). We were going to go straight into another cycle but decided to wait one month so my body can have a hormonal break and I can be in a better mindset. I think we'll try IVF one more time with my eggs and then probably look at donor eggs if that doesn't work. My dh and I have already discussed looking at adoption as a possibility (it's all about being parents, anyway!). We have lots of wonderful friends who have both been adopted and have adopted children. There are so many options to follow, I think you need to look at what you feel you can do financially and emotionally. It is really hard when everyone around me seems to have children just by looking at their partner -- NOT FAIR! Today, however, I do feel hopeful as my friend just had her 2nd totally healthy IVF baby at age 42 (her first child was also IVF at age 40 - after numerous attempts). Good luck and keep your chin up - know that the hormones are still in your system and you WILL feel better soon!

crobert222 · 03-31-2009, 04:40 PM

Birdee,

I know exactly how you feel...everyone around here seems to get pregnant instantly without even trying. I just found out last week that another friend is pregnant after trying for a month. I am so sad this time, because I really thought we had a great chance. I am 40 -- lost a pregnancy last year after conceiving naturally. And since about November of last year have been in 3 cycles of IVF. Im so emotionally drained I dont even know what to do with myself. I have been crying for a few hours now, and Im not even a crier!!! (although I have done my fair share of crying in the last two years in this process). Life just doesnt seem fair sometimes...and it is hard to think that there is a God up there that would put us through this much pain and suffering...It is so hard to hold on and keep hoping when things keep failing...I am sure you know what I mean. Anyhow, thanks so much for your words. They mean so much more coming from someone who understands....
I hope everything works out for you....

Carolyn

tenseintexas · 03-31-2009, 05:03 PM

crobert-- I am so very sorry to hear that. I do not have any words of advice,just wanted you to know I am thinking of you./
I have not begun IVF yet, but my husband and I have talked about adopting, even if IVF works for us. It seems like a wonderful option that is there./

Birdee · 03-31-2009, 05:15 PM

I know what you mean about other people's pregnacy announcements. I always feel so upset and then feel guilty for not feeling happy for them. I couldn't even go to my goddaughter's 5th birthday this weekend for fear of breaking into tears - not to mention my weight gain from my last IVF that made me already look pregnant - and I just couldn't deal with the questions from my friends. I always hear the "God has a plan" bit from them but it sure is easy to lose faith sometimes. It is so nice to talk to people who do understand. And these sites are great because my crying doesn't come across on the postings and I can sound somewhat normal. I can't help but think that those of us who go through SO MUCH to become parents will definately have our prayers answered - by some means. It will happen for us IVFers- and we'll be awesome parents!

Ginne · 03-31-2009, 06:07 PM

I'm so sorry to read about everyone's losses and BFNs. Carolyn, after my first IVF failed in February, I was absolutely devastated, and sobbing uncontrollably. I just couldn't pull myself together and now realize just how much of a hold the hormones had on me. It really intensified the sadness and grief.

Whenver it gets too much, I try to remind myself about the hormones, and that I can get through this. I.can.do.this. has become my mantra. This forum is my saving grace, because you have all been there, and know the depths of despair.

The only thing that got me out of the funk, was to pick myself up, and try again immediately, even though I didn't think I could do it again. (I'm in the 2ww for IVF #2.)

Tense and Carolyn, I hope you come to a decision that brings you peace, whatever it is. Carolyn, you *are* strong enough. You.can.do.this.

mamawannabe · 04-02-2009, 05:39 PM

Hi, I am so sorry for everyone here who is getting BFN, just did my first IVF with donor eggs, everthing looked "perfect" was told 85% chance of sucess and then BFN. Unfortunately am running out of money (spent $8k on adoption that has not worked out either). I am kind of at the give up point, for lots of reasons.

Tenseintexas, I would definately give IUI a few more trys, my sister had issues with her husbands sperm similar to yours and ended up pregnant after four tries. Sperm can change, I would look into acupuncture or dietary changes for your husband. My husband had some sperm morphology issues and cleaning up his diet for a few weeks (no alcohol, no junk foods, lots of fruits, veggies and OJ) did wonders. I am not sure of your age but I might try a few more times before moving onto IVF.

nugirl · 04-02-2009, 05:54 PM

Hi all,
As my name implies I am a new member to this forum. I am 35 years old and had my first IVF cycle and it failed. I was trying not to getmy hopes up since I've been so disappointed these past 3 years in trying to get pregnant. I didn't mind the injections but I was hyperstimulated and really did not feel well for more then a week fainting twice and feeling so bloated. But I told my husband that we should give IVF another try since my RE feels that he is more knowledgeable of how my body responds now and seems to be more optimistic in going forth with 2nd IVF. He says my body responds well to the meds. So i wish you all luck and is really nice to have a place to vent since many of my friends have had two children with no problem and to make it worse I was the first in my close circle of friends to get married but we still have no children.

03-28-2009, 07:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
tenseintexas 900-999 post jack of hearts Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 913	Can't Decide What to do next I just found out that IUI number 1 did not work. I really did anticipate this because the SA on the day was 1.7 count and 0 % morphology. I talk with my RE on MOnday about which way to go next. My husband would like to try IUI again...he thinks that one sample was just bad ( his previous two samples has been not great but WAY WAY better that the IUI sample---18 million and slightly less than average morphology) and I am leaning towards moving to IVF. I do not want to have IVF if I do not HAVE to...but even les appealing is wasting another month. I just don't know what to do. Luckily, insurance coverage is allowing us to have the choice!

03-31-2009, 03:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
crobert222 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 10	Need Help Hi all, I just got the news that our IVF cycle #3 failed...I am so heartbroken I can hardly breathe... The first two cycles I never did a transfer, as we did PGD and they said there were no good embryos to transfer. This last cycle, three embryos passed PGD, so we were so hopeful....only to be let down again. I am not sure if I have the strength to go again...you have to wonder if you should just move toward adoption...If anyone has any words of advice, I welcome them...So, so sad... Carolyn

03-31-2009, 04:25 PM	#4 (permalink)
Birdee 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: California Posts: 5	Reply to Crobert222 Carolyn, I'm so sorry to hear about your news. It is really hard after a failed IVF both physically and emotinally. Even though it's been nearly a week since my failed IVF, I'm still really emotional and AF came with a serious vengance this month (my RE says it's normal and I will feel better). We were going to go straight into another cycle but decided to wait one month so my body can have a hormonal break and I can be in a better mindset. I think we'll try IVF one more time with my eggs and then probably look at donor eggs if that doesn't work. My dh and I have already discussed looking at adoption as a possibility (it's all about being parents, anyway!). We have lots of wonderful friends who have both been adopted and have adopted children. There are so many options to follow, I think you need to look at what you feel you can do financially and emotionally. It is really hard when everyone around me seems to have children just by looking at their partner -- NOT FAIR! Today, however, I do feel hopeful as my friend just had her 2nd totally healthy IVF baby at age 42 (her first child was also IVF at age 40 - after numerous attempts). Good luck and keep your chin up - know that the hormones are still in your system and you WILL feel better soon!

03-31-2009, 05:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
Birdee 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: California Posts: 5	Reply to Cobert222 I know what you mean about other people's pregnacy announcements. I always feel so upset and then feel guilty for not feeling happy for them. I couldn't even go to my goddaughter's 5th birthday this weekend for fear of breaking into tears - not to mention my weight gain from my last IVF that made me already look pregnant - and I just couldn't deal with the questions from my friends. I always hear the "God has a plan" bit from them but it sure is easy to lose faith sometimes. It is so nice to talk to people who do understand. And these sites are great because my crying doesn't come across on the postings and I can sound somewhat normal. I can't help but think that those of us who go through SO MUCH to become parents will definately have our prayers answered - by some means. It will happen for us IVFers- and we'll be awesome parents!

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03-28-2009, 02:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
Birdee 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: California Posts: 5	I'm so sorry to hear about your results, Tenseintexas. This is my first posting following a failed IUI and a failed IVF attempt (I found out last Thursday). We chose to go straight to IVF after my IUI because of my age (38) and the fact that the doctors couldn't tell if my tubes were ok through an HSG. My dh's count and morphology was great with the IUI. When we did IVF and they ran the Kruger test on him, his morpholgy was really poor, so we did ICSI. Regardless, we would have done IUI several more times if my clock wasn't ticking so fast. We're getting ready to try IVF #2 in June. That's great you have options with your insurance -- KEEP TRYING! We're not giving up (though it's always hard to enter another cycle). I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a BFP!

03-31-2009, 04:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
crobert222 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 10	Birdee, I know exactly how you feel...everyone around here seems to get pregnant instantly without even trying. I just found out last week that another friend is pregnant after trying for a month. I am so sad this time, because I really thought we had a great chance. I am 40 -- lost a pregnancy last year after conceiving naturally. And since about November of last year have been in 3 cycles of IVF. Im so emotionally drained I dont even know what to do with myself. I have been crying for a few hours now, and Im not even a crier!!! (although I have done my fair share of crying in the last two years in this process). Life just doesnt seem fair sometimes...and it is hard to think that there is a God up there that would put us through this much pain and suffering...It is so hard to hold on and keep hoping when things keep failing...I am sure you know what I mean. Anyhow, thanks so much for your words. They mean so much more coming from someone who understands.... I hope everything works out for you.... Carolyn

03-31-2009, 05:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
tenseintexas 900-999 post jack of hearts Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 913	crobert-- I am so very sorry to hear that. I do not have any words of advice,just wanted you to know I am thinking of you./ I have not begun IVF yet, but my husband and I have talked about adopting, even if IVF works for us. It seems like a wonderful option that is there./

03-31-2009, 06:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ginne Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: New York Posts: 27	I'm so sorry to read about everyone's losses and BFNs. Carolyn, after my first IVF failed in February, I was absolutely devastated, and sobbing uncontrollably. I just couldn't pull myself together and now realize just how much of a hold the hormones had on me. It really intensified the sadness and grief. Whenver it gets too much, I try to remind myself about the hormones, and that I can get through this. I.can.do.this. has become my mantra. This forum is my saving grace, because you have all been there, and know the depths of despair. The only thing that got me out of the funk, was to pick myself up, and try again immediately, even though I didn't think I could do it again. (I'm in the 2ww for IVF #2.) Tense and Carolyn, I hope you come to a decision that brings you peace, whatever it is. Carolyn, you are strong enough. You.can.do.this.

04-02-2009, 05:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
mamawannabe Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 5	Hi, I am so sorry for everyone here who is getting BFN, just did my first IVF with donor eggs, everthing looked "perfect" was told 85% chance of sucess and then BFN. Unfortunately am running out of money (spent $8k on adoption that has not worked out either). I am kind of at the give up point, for lots of reasons. Tenseintexas, I would definately give IUI a few more trys, my sister had issues with her husbands sperm similar to yours and ended up pregnant after four tries. Sperm can change, I would look into acupuncture or dietary changes for your husband. My husband had some sperm morphology issues and cleaning up his diet for a few weeks (no alcohol, no junk foods, lots of fruits, veggies and OJ) did wonders. I am not sure of your age but I might try a few more times before moving onto IVF.

04-02-2009, 05:54 PM	#10 (permalink)
nugirl Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: new jersey Posts: 1	Hi all, As my name implies I am a new member to this forum. I am 35 years old and had my first IVF cycle and it failed. I was trying not to getmy hopes up since I've been so disappointed these past 3 years in trying to get pregnant. I didn't mind the injections but I was hyperstimulated and really did not feel well for more then a week fainting twice and feeling so bloated. But I told my husband that we should give IVF another try since my RE feels that he is more knowledgeable of how my body responds now and seems to be more optimistic in going forth with 2nd IVF. He says my body responds well to the meds. So i wish you all luck and is really nice to have a place to vent since many of my friends have had two children with no problem and to make it worse I was the first in my close circle of friends to get married but we still have no children.