Total Frustration

philly77 · 09-22-2008, 02:38 PM

I am sitting here with the why Me's. I come from such a huge family and don't understand why with so many people in my family am I the only one with fertility problems. I had surgery to remove mild endo a cyst on my right ovary (again) D&C and a few other things. Once that was all done and my Dr gave me the clear to try to conceive I went straight to fertility clinic as I am single. I was all ready to start my IUI's when I had to have an emergency appendectomy. This once again set me back. It took two months to get all of the antibiotics outta my system. Two months later I finally was normal again and decided to jump right back into it, as my blood work is only good for 6 months and isn't cheap. I just got done with my first IUI which was done on Sept 6th. I went in with high hopes and came out with nothing but questions. They never did an ultra sound to check follicles or to check for cysts which i have had several of. The used a vial of sperm which was suppose to be guaranteed to have at least 15 million motile and only had 8.7 even though the nurse at the clinic said the usually like to have at least 10million. They should have offered to thaw another one and didn't. So basically since I am single and self pay I threw 1100 out the window for that cycle. I got my BFN 13dpiui. Then i decided to take things into my own hands and called and asked Dr to give me meds which to my surprise she did. I also took it upon myself to have an ultra sound done today to make sure that I didn't have a cyst before starting to take the meds. This only led to more heartbreak as I learned that yes once again my right ovary has another cyst. He said it was the size of a walnut. Now after everything I will have to sit out another cycle which makes three cycles out of six that I missed, and one that was wasted. I feel like I'm gonna go crazy. I am on a emotional roller coaster that never seems to end. How can this be happening to me. I am the oldest girl of 20+ cousins why am i the only one. I am so tired of people asking he if I'm pregnant yet never should have told everyone what I was doing. Also tired of people telling me to just go out and have a one night stand. I tried to conceive with my ex of 6 years obviously something isn't right. I just don't know what to do right now. Not being able to do anything is going to drive me crazy. I wish getting pregnant was as easy as it seems to be for people i know. I would do anything and give anything just to have one baby one child. Wish i had someone to cry on right now as my tears just fall to the ground unheard. I am so thankful for this site and have met some really wonderful people here who give me hope and have helped me deal with some of the bumps I have hit. I just don't want anymore bumps unless they are in my belly! I am so sorry just really had to get everything out at once. Wish i could go somewhere and scream till I'm blue in the face. I know its only a setback but time is running out on the bloodwork that I have. This is costing me so much it's so hard to stay positive when everything coming at me is so negative. Will my prayers ever be answered. Is it wrong that I want a child so much even though I'm a single woman? Is there anyway I can make my body cooperate so that having a child might be possible? Again i apologize i just really needed to vent all my frustrations. Hoping November will be my month!!!!!!!!!

PradasMom · 09-22-2008, 03:45 PM

I'm so sorry!

Have you looked into Resolve, or any other support group in your area?
Does your RE's office have any groups or counselors available to talk to?

You're not alone!!!

philly77 · 09-25-2008, 08:41 AM

I am not sure if they do. I really just got on here to vent all of my frustrations. I have met a few people on here that I feel that I can talk to which make me feel better. I just really wanted to get everything out at the same time and writing that post allowed me that. thanks for replying. I will check with my center to see what they have for thier clients. I have found ft to be my best medicine yet for dealing with this totally frustrating situation. I am now trying to patiently and calmly wait for this cyst to go away so that i can continue on my journey to become a mother. Any ideas of how to make a cyst disappear are very welcome as i have nothing but time on my hands now! Thanks again for the reply

das1972 · 10-01-2008, 01:37 PM

I, as well as all the girls here understand your desires. You might be single, but you are never alone. We might be strangers, but we are all in this together. I have been trying myself for a very long time 7 years to be exact. I know the pain and heart ache of a BFN, my last one was yesterday. Yes this is very expensive and we pay a lot of money for just the hope and this is something most women get for free. A good friend of mine who is also single just used donor sperm and on the second try is now pregnant with twins. It does happen for some. It just takes some of us longer than others. I hope that one day, I am reading your success story and having a good cry with you about how hard it may have been but it was all worth it in the end.

philly77 · 10-04-2008, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by das1972

I, as well as all the girls here understand your desires. You might be single, but you are never alone. We might be strangers, but we are all in this together. I have been trying myself for a very long time 7 years to be exact. I know the pain and heart ache of a BFN, my last one was yesterday. Yes this is very expensive and we pay a lot of money for just the hope and this is something most women get for free. A good friend of mine who is also single just used donor sperm and on the second try is now pregnant with twins. It does happen for some. It just takes some of us longer than others. I hope that one day, I am reading your success story and having a good cry with you about how hard it may have been but it was all worth it in the end.

Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I found myself having a good cry just reading it. I no longer feel completely alone thanks to the many who have reached out a friendly hand on here. I hope that we all receive the success we so desire and deserve. Sorry about your BFN I know how hard that is with my first not too long ago. I hope I will be posting soon that I too like your friend have had success. I wish you the best on your journey!!

melincan · 10-05-2008, 05:38 AM

HI philly,
It has taken me since March to finally get the right dosage of meds to try an IUI only to have OHSS and have to sit out after I got my BFN and I may have to sit out another if the cysts didn't go away. I am seriously considering jumping right to IVF. It is expensive but I want a baby NOW!
GL and I hope to be hearing about a BFP soon!

philly77 · 10-05-2008, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melincan

HI philly,
It has taken me since March to finally get the right dosage of meds to try an IUI only to have OHSS and have to sit out after I got my BFN and I may have to sit out another if the cysts didn't go away. I am seriously considering jumping right to IVF. It is expensive but I want a baby NOW!
GL and I hope to be hearing about a BFP soon!

I know exactly how you feel with the I want a Baby NOW! Did your meds contribute to your cyst? What meds are you taking. I am a bit worried that the clomid they want me to take will give me more cyst. Man I thought my first 2ww was hard this wait is even worse. I have been waiting and wanting a child for over 10 years now with 6+ years of trying. I am getting better at the waiting part though, I just keep reading and researching trying to make sure that I will be on the right track as soon as I get the all clear! I would just jump into IVF but have most of my money now tied up in IUI so I have to atleast try with the four vials I already have. If I move onto IVF I will be trying to do it in New York as they have a econ IVF which is much cheaper $4,900 or something like that much more reasonable than most other places this includes meds. I will cross my fingers, toes, and anything else that I can cross that all of us get the Baby we so long for. Wish you the best!

melincan · 10-05-2008, 02:08 PM

Yeah the meds I was taking was follistism. It was a low dose but my body just went crazy on it. The IVF would be pretty cheap if you did it in New York. I am in Ontario, Canada and clinic would be about $8000 and my drugs are covered under my husband's insurance.

09-22-2008, 02:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
philly77 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Glasgow Kentucky Posts: 379	Total Frustration I am sitting here with the why Me's. I come from such a huge family and don't understand why with so many people in my family am I the only one with fertility problems. I had surgery to remove mild endo a cyst on my right ovary (again) D&C and a few other things. Once that was all done and my Dr gave me the clear to try to conceive I went straight to fertility clinic as I am single. I was all ready to start my IUI's when I had to have an emergency appendectomy. This once again set me back. It took two months to get all of the antibiotics outta my system. Two months later I finally was normal again and decided to jump right back into it, as my blood work is only good for 6 months and isn't cheap. I just got done with my first IUI which was done on Sept 6th. I went in with high hopes and came out with nothing but questions. They never did an ultra sound to check follicles or to check for cysts which i have had several of. The used a vial of sperm which was suppose to be guaranteed to have at least 15 million motile and only had 8.7 even though the nurse at the clinic said the usually like to have at least 10million. They should have offered to thaw another one and didn't. So basically since I am single and self pay I threw 1100 out the window for that cycle. I got my BFN 13dpiui. Then i decided to take things into my own hands and called and asked Dr to give me meds which to my surprise she did. I also took it upon myself to have an ultra sound done today to make sure that I didn't have a cyst before starting to take the meds. This only led to more heartbreak as I learned that yes once again my right ovary has another cyst. He said it was the size of a walnut. Now after everything I will have to sit out another cycle which makes three cycles out of six that I missed, and one that was wasted. I feel like I'm gonna go crazy. I am on a emotional roller coaster that never seems to end. How can this be happening to me. I am the oldest girl of 20+ cousins why am i the only one. I am so tired of people asking he if I'm pregnant yet never should have told everyone what I was doing. Also tired of people telling me to just go out and have a one night stand. I tried to conceive with my ex of 6 years obviously something isn't right. I just don't know what to do right now. Not being able to do anything is going to drive me crazy. I wish getting pregnant was as easy as it seems to be for people i know. I would do anything and give anything just to have one baby one child. Wish i had someone to cry on right now as my tears just fall to the ground unheard. I am so thankful for this site and have met some really wonderful people here who give me hope and have helped me deal with some of the bumps I have hit. I just don't want anymore bumps unless they are in my belly! I am so sorry just really had to get everything out at once. Wish i could go somewhere and scream till I'm blue in the face. I know its only a setback but time is running out on the bloodwork that I have. This is costing me so much it's so hard to stay positive when everything coming at me is so negative. Will my prayers ever be answered. Is it wrong that I want a child so much even though I'm a single woman? Is there anyway I can make my body cooperate so that having a child might be possible? Again i apologize i just really needed to vent all my frustrations. Hoping November will be my month!!!!!!!!!

09-22-2008, 03:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
PradasMom 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 1,331 Blog Entries: 21	I'm so sorry! Have you looked into Resolve, or any other support group in your area? Does your RE's office have any groups or counselors available to talk to? You're not alone!!! __________________ Christine(42), DH(35) TTC married Jun '07 IVF #2~ BFP! Baby #1 for us! Frederick Junior, born 8/14/09, 6 lbs 1 oz of pure love, snuggles and stinky poo!

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09-25-2008, 08:41 AM	#3 (permalink)
philly77 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Glasgow Kentucky Posts: 379	I am not sure if they do. I really just got on here to vent all of my frustrations. I have met a few people on here that I feel that I can talk to which make me feel better. I just really wanted to get everything out at the same time and writing that post allowed me that. thanks for replying. I will check with my center to see what they have for thier clients. I have found ft to be my best medicine yet for dealing with this totally frustrating situation. I am now trying to patiently and calmly wait for this cyst to go away so that i can continue on my journey to become a mother. Any ideas of how to make a cyst disappear are very welcome as i have nothing but time on my hands now! Thanks again for the reply

10-01-2008, 01:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
das1972 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Illinois Posts: 216	I, as well as all the girls here understand your desires. You might be single, but you are never alone. We might be strangers, but we are all in this together. I have been trying myself for a very long time 7 years to be exact. I know the pain and heart ache of a BFN, my last one was yesterday. Yes this is very expensive and we pay a lot of money for just the hope and this is something most women get for free. A good friend of mine who is also single just used donor sperm and on the second try is now pregnant with twins. It does happen for some. It just takes some of us longer than others. I hope that one day, I am reading your success story and having a good cry with you about how hard it may have been but it was all worth it in the end.

10-05-2008, 05:38 AM	#6 (permalink)
melincan 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: CAN Posts: 130	HI philly, It has taken me since March to finally get the right dosage of meds to try an IUI only to have OHSS and have to sit out after I got my BFN and I may have to sit out another if the cysts didn't go away. I am seriously considering jumping right to IVF. It is expensive but I want a baby NOW! GL and I hope to be hearing about a BFP soon!

10-05-2008, 02:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
melincan 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: CAN Posts: 130	Yeah the meds I was taking was follistism. It was a low dose but my body just went crazy on it. The IVF would be pretty cheap if you did it in New York. I am in Ontario, Canada and clinic would be about $8000 and my drugs are covered under my husband's insurance.