Trying to deal with everything...not doing a good job...

[beckysensei]

I've had 2 unsuccessful IVF cycles. First one, a year ago, yielded 15 eggs, 6 that fertilized, 3 implanted (day 3), none stuck. One went to blast and was frozen, but we donated to research (we doubted the quality, and were switching docs). Second, this past spring, was cancelled 2 days before retrieval (I'm a slow responder...as it turns out, estrogen was 250 on day of cancellation, but blood taken on that day showed it more than doubled from the time before, however they didn't have those results until too late). Despite cancellation, we tried on our own but had no success.

We've been told by several docs that we could try again, but egg donation is our best chance. However, while I'm all for the idea, my husband will have nothing to do with it. He says he's against it (both egg donor, and egg AND sperm donor) and will never change his position. We've been seeing a therapist, but it all boils down to me wanting and him not, resulting in no solution.

We've been in therapy and talked about this, but it doesn't seem to matter how bad I want to carry a child. He still says he's against donation, that he doesn't want me to give birth to a child that we'd adopt, so why not just adopt, and we can't overpopulate an overpopulated world, that he's so against this that to do it would mean him losing a part of himself (whatever the F that means), blahblahblah.

I'm trying really hard to understand any of it. Frankly, none of his reasons make any sense. I love him and will never leave him, but I can't understand why he just expects me to accept this and move on. Right now, I can't, and I'm VERY angry.

Anyone else having to deal with this? How many times will we have to go through IVF before we give up? I don't know how much more I can take. I'm all for adoption, but I can't tell you the desire I've had for as long as I can remember to carry my own child, to give birth to a little being that has my big brown eyes and his curly brown hair. How am I supposed to turn away from this and go on?

[IWantToBeAMommy]

Becky,
I know how you feel. Every time someone (my relatives) hears about my miscarriage, they tell me to adopt.

I love to have a baby with my eyes, too!

It's so frustrating being here, huh?

I don't know what to tell you about DH. I wish I did but I know how DHs can be.

I am actually planning to donate my eggs to earn more $$ for my own next cycle and sometimes I wonder if the IP will be a good mom to my little egg baby. But I believe that anyone who does IVF will love that egg baby no matter who genes it is.

DHs don't know how much work goes a woman thru for IVF. In my opinion, they just make their donation and that's it. They don't know how much pain and suffering for the injections, the grapefruit size ovaries, the pap smears, the pelvic exams, the blood tests, the trans vaginal ultrasounds, the ultrasounds, the ER and ET.

My first period after my miscarriage, I was back in the pits being jealous of every pregnant woman and people with their strollers.

But now, the 2nd period approaching, I just have renewed hope for my next cycle.

Best of luck in your journey to be a mommy.

[Choice4]

Becky how old are you if you are under 43, I think you still have a chance of using your own eggs, even people older use their own eggs.
My advice is to leave your DH alone for now on that topic, because the more you discuss it , the More he would say no to DE, but i believe he would come around one day if you need it.
If he is still willing for you to use your own eggs then go to one of the best clinic in USA that offer PGD with CGH

SIRM
http://forums.haveababy.com/index.php?showforum=10
( They do a free phone consultation, you can speak to the RE and get advice) also you can blog their website with your questions

Or try CCRM
http://www.colocrm.com/

They may have a protocol for you , and you can produce good eggs.

Why are you having therapy, if it is to keep discussingthe same ting, then I suggest you take a break, as your DH, may not change his mind at the moment and it may bring stress to the relationship.

I wish you luck and you may conceive with your own eggs, it only takes one good one.
So relax, take it easy and all the best

[mammawannabe13]

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Men! My DH deals with loss by going golfing. I used to think he didn't really understand or care about how I felt. Now I see that he just needs to greive in his own way. Maybe your DH really wants a little version of himsef as badly as you do, and he's still holding out hope. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
Tracey

[fertile hope]

Hi becky,

I'm a fertility specialist acupuncturist and was wondering if you have looked into adding in some kind of alternative medicine to assist. I can tell you that I've had many patients come to me who have been told that they should use a donor egg, and while, it's a great option, it's a difficult decision that brings up many issues and boundaries. With that being said, of course every women wants nothing more than to have a baby of her own doing. Look into chinese medicine and I would be more than happy to talk to you further about this if you want, but in chinese medicine, we are able to better nourish your egg quality as to increase your chances of having healthier embryos which may be able to implant and thrive. Is your husband's semen analysis okay? Remember, it takes two. Better you egg quality, make sure your husbands semen is optimal (something acupuncture can address as well) and by doing so, you have a healthier embryo.

Please talk to me if you need any help or more information. I see so many women who are discouraged and who have lost hope. I want you to hold on to hope. Do yourself a favor and look into chinese medicine to help rebalance your body and boost your fertility.

Take Care of Yourself,
-Fertile Hope