3 Failed Cycle's - Venting

[kazzpurr]

I have had 2 IVF w/ICSI failed cycles, 1 Known Donor failed Cycle one one cancelled. I'm starting to really give up hope. I received my BFN last week and can't seem to get over it this time. My DH has been very supportive and tries to bring my spirits up. I feel I failed him as a women and his WIFE.

I've dealt with Endo and Fibriods and thought I finally overcame it 2 1/2 years ago. But it seems the damage was done.

I can't even go to the supermarket or drive in my car without seeing a women pregnant, or a family walking with their first born. I burst into tears. I had such high hopes on my last cycle. Thursday I'm scheduled for a follow up with my doctor. I wrote a list of questions for him.

Sometimes I try to think myself out of wanting a baby. Life could be so much easier without one. Think of all the money we could save and all the vacations we can take. Nothing holding us back...but...I do want that, SO VERY MUCH!!!! I would give up everything I have in a second just to be able to have a baby.

I'm so sick and tired of other women (mostely cowokers) saying "Maybe you're pregnant" everytime I say "I'm nauseous, or my back hurts or I'm tired."

I could keep venting...but won't.
Thank you for reading.

[wan2b3+]

I'm sorry you are having a rotten day today. I wishe there were words to easy the pain.

[DSTAngieB]

Oh Kazz!!

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel! I've been through 2 failed IVF cycles myself. I'm currently in the 2ww of our LAST cycle. After this shot, the dream of having our own biological child is officially over. While my situation is slightly different in that I do have a 10 yo DD from a previous marriage, my wonderful husband does not have any children and neither do any of his siblings. I really long to give him a child of his own and have a baby!

My 2nd BFN was the absolute worst to date. I'm hoping next week if the news is bad, I'll be able to recover and won't want to just curl up and die again. Like you, I try to think of all the wonderful vacations we would be able to take and how our life could be so carefree living child-free. But somehow, even with the most fabulous of lifestyles, I would still trade it in for my heart's desire...our baby.

I say all of this to say that you are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!! Only another woman who has suffered through the pains of infertility can truly understand the pain and sadness you feel in that empty space in your arms.

I pray that God will give you the strength to get through this phase of your journey and give you comfort to take away the pain that you are feeling.

Angie
_____________________________________
age: 38, DH:44, DD:10
dx: adhesions on right fallopian tube, left tube closed, slight MFI
IVF#1 - 02/06 13 retrieved, 12 mature, 2 blasts ET - BFN
IVF#2 - 05/06 16 retrieved, 14 mature, 2 blasts ET - BFN
IVF#3 - 08/06 15 retrieved, 15 mature, 3 blasts ET - ???

[beaglenutty]

I feel your pain. This IF is the worst thing ever. I know that it seems like everyone is pg. They are everywhere I go too. Dh even gets worried when he sees pg women. Hugs to you.

[kazzpurr]

Thank you all It's strange, but posting here helps a little. I know I'm not alone...but sometimes it feels that way.

It is hard to deal with IF. I'm considering to speak with a shrink. But what can he/she do, put me on anti-depresents. No thank you! DH and I have been ttc for 6yrs. Only in the past 2 1/2 yrs we've been able to use IVF with my insurance. But that is starting to run out.

I'm looking forward to Thursday to speak with my RE to get answers to my questions.

[beaglenutty]

Sometimes I think I nned to go to talk to someone too. Dh said mabye it was a good idea. I have been doing acupuncture and it has helped to relax me sometimes.

[wan2b3+]

I second acupuncture! It really helps me.

[kazzpurr]

Actually I am looking into acupuncture. I've tried it before, but only once, the day of ET-2yrs ago. Hey, I have nothing to loose right?

I do have a question tho, what about the herbs?! They don't interfere with stims or how about after ET during PIO? I've also read some posts about eating Pinapple. Have you heard about that??

[beaglenutty]

The herbs can interfere with things. I cked with my RE and he said I could take them this month with the clomid and IUI. But to stop them if I get pg.